The Space Toast Pages

Matthew Rasmussen's journal of journals on various topics of interest, published here, there or somewhere since 1999.

YouTube Captioning: Perversion For Profit (1965) (Part 2 of 4)

File Under: /web/caption

Dozens more captioned YouTube videos, including several complete feature films, at YouTubeCapper.Blogspot.com. Create your own embeddable captioned YouTube videos here.

Yyy-SWYgzsg
You need Flash player 8+ and JavaScript enabled to view this video.
As long as we come.
Leave Niels Bohr out of this!
Like Vanity Fair?
Oh yeah. He's stuffing.
↑ Tai-Pan must owe him a big favor.
(If there is such a thing.)
Just think of the chest-shaving mishaps.
one    
James Dean and the Bull Dyke - pg. 37
Hey! Don't be dissing George Takai.
Japan?
Actually, sexual preference in pedophilia breaks down at about the same percentages as homosexuality in the general population.
Suck it in, kid.
Somehow I don't think these kids were the hope of the world.
"Look HAAAAARD... Mmmm..."
"...those friggin' Jonas Brothers."
People with two vests?
← The Rails    
    This Film →
"...even though we listed it as a 'stealth' gay mag 1 minute 10 ago."
"...in that they're coherent."
e•rot•ic Adj.- Not rotic
TUMNUS!
This film?
"...Archie Comics."
two
several \/ persons
"...the Steppenwolf LP..."
"...nudie pens..."
8:00 PM8:30 PM9:00 PM9:30 PM10:00 PM
 PBS An Appeal to the Sodamist: Live
From The Hatch Shell!
New (CC)
Red Green
Show
Repeat (CC)
"...but then, everything hints at bestiality to me."
Dr. Sorokin... says ← Cite more than one source.
What kind of zoo is that?
Homo Habilis: Cornholing's king
Not that many women read Ayn Rand.
Music hipsters?
Purple construction paper guy is getting sh**canned for this one.
I prefer brushing by the cashier with the nice rack, but sure.
George Putnam: Down with the streets.
"EAT THIS DRUMSTICK!"
They say every problem is an opportunity.
Through, by, from and for.
Cool!
"...and the girlfriend who makes you hold it as she tries on stuff."
"...recipes, train schedules..."
Chick Lit: Throwing our fight against Communism.
In print?
"...download a 'reading guide' and listen to an exclusive 'author interview.' An author interview!"
How can they treat books like that!

08.26.2010 21:27

>Run Fight Magic

>HP: 0

YouTube Captioning: Perversion For Profit (1965) (Part 1 of 4)

File Under: /web/caption

Dozens more captioned YouTube videos, including several complete feature films, at YouTubeCapper.Blogspot.com. Create your own embeddable captioned YouTube videos here.

wvOMuScwTIA
You need Flash player 8+ and JavaScript enabled to view this video.
"STEPHENIE MEYER: A CELEBRATION"
(AND KINKINESS

FOR KICKS!)
(not the one jailed for sodomy)
"I've never been jailed for sodomy."
"Elves."
"But you can stop this 'Fred Rogers'..."
For a free catalogue, write to the address at the end of this film.
"Quit hogging STRIP, Judy."
"It may not be true, but it is a FACT."

Yeah!
unseen airquotes
"...the smiths of smut. The hustlers of hard-on...!"

THE SAN FERNANDO VALLEY

increasingly worse Red.
worse... in volume? Agree.
| increase and flourish | Awk.
Fox?
Finally! A growth industry.
You better watch out
You better not fap...

Remember, these are the same people who'd rather go bankrupt than socialize medical insurance.
"The teenager is by definition a pervert..."
"And yet you know them... don't you?"
Aw. Sad octopus.
Oh let them yiff.
"...It's dope and it's with it..."
"...buy porn."
They need more to do.
Here it comes...
.
o
O
( Crap, I'm getting turned on! )
.
  o
O
( Like that little slut Tammy next door... )
"But we will work until our pamphlets are on EVERY newsstand!"
"...made this octopus sad."
"THEY WERE PURCHASED ON THE INTERNET!"
Good thing half of those don't exist anymore.
"But not Costco. What the hell Costco? I bought a damn membership!"
Wait a minute. These are just YA novels.
.
 o
O
( Damn hard-on... )
Awesome! I love nudity!
Would the washer machine be more wholesome?
No, the gay guy mags are for stimulating the rear.
"...the sexually comfortable."
So do Hindu girls, and they're HOT.
(Slavery, masochism, outgroup violence...)
It might help if the women weren't laughing at this guy.
I thought they were just failed actresses showing their tits.
Kind of the way O'Reilly doesn't give you a clickable link when he rails against 4chan...
Or anyone with a classic tv Gidget fantasy.
↑                                           ↑
Could they have censored any less?
We're to understand you're not turned on by healthy breasts?
LESBIAN IMPLICATIONS
with DJ Perversion
This Friday at Le Shed
He almost drifted off for a second there.
Obbbbviously.
"Let's stay with this frame for a moment more..."
That's. Not. What "fetish" means!
Dr. Sorokin is one hot MILF!
Is that really where we come?
Yes. Have you ever seen real nudists?
Jump ball!
How many blind people have joined your group exactly?
And blamed pictures of people having fun?
"...and not by watching his abusive '60s father beat his mother..."
(National Geographic)
Capped by Space Toast
YouTubeCapper.Blogspot.com

08.23.2010 16:23

>Run Fight Magic

>HP: 0

Retired Addiction

File Under: /housekeeping/addictions

"The Remix Game" by Bitter:Sweet

Each track on "The Mating Game" remixed by a different DJ, including Thievery Corporation, Yes King, Solid Doctor and Nicola Conte.

08.16.2010 19:09

>Run Fight Magic

>HP: 0

11 Great Children's Book Titles or Terrible Band Names

File Under: /sketchbook

If there actually is a child chapter book or band named after any of the following, I stand behind my opinions.

Jason and the Astronauts
Jason and the Astronauts
The Musical Mystery Tour
The Musical Mystery Tour
Carpet Whale
Carpet Whale
Mutually Assured Distraction
Mutually Assured Distraction
Trust This Penguin
Trust This Penguin
Fun Will Be Had!
Fun Will Be Had!
Sister Spat
Sister Spat
Turtle Beach Party
Turtle Beach Party
Shirley Icanne
Shirley Icanne
The Wild Flutes
The Wild Flutes
Watch the Pegasus Poop
Watch the Pegasus Poop

07.30.2010 16:13

>Run Fight Magic

>HP: 0

111 Minute Book Covers: The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe

File Under: /sketchbook/111

Speed composition of a book cover for C. S. Lewis's The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe, the first book of the Chronicles of Narnia (if numbered correctly).

Assets are "Tambako the Jaguar's" CC licensed photograph of a lion from Flickr, and Henningklevjer's CC licensed cloth weave texture from the Wikimedia Commons. Fonts are Charlemagne and Mona Lisa Solid.

Under 111 minutes? No, but with the template established, the rest of the series should go faster.

Click image for 300dpi.

07.26.2010 10:26

>Run Fight Magic

>HP: 0

YouTube Captioning: Strawberry Sex by Ken Hirai [Official Music Video]

File Under: /web/caption

Dozens more captioned YouTube videos, including several complete feature films, at YouTubeCapper.Blogspot.com. Create your own embeddable captioned YouTube videos here.

E08REa8JV8k
You need Flash player 8+ and JavaScript enabled to view this video.
That must've been quite a wreck. Look at his pants.
← BECAUSE HE'S RICH
Passed over by the Steppenwolf tour. This had better be a new low.
"YOU'RE FANTASTIC, POWER LINES!"
Good. Stare at her boobs. American girls love that.
Failed cosmetology school on a 1.3 GPA
Is this seriously all the blonde they could afford?
*ejaculates*
"I like you despite your weird face."
Is it time for the racism then?

Roots











Guess not.
Don't you hate it when you meet a girl's mom, and the "After" picture ruins the "Before" picture?
↑              
(BLACK HAIR)          
                                               ↑
                                             (BLONDE HAIR)
↑              
(BLACK HAIR)          
                                               ↑
                                             (BLONDE HAIR)
↑              
(BLACK HAIR)          
The weirdface girl must be playing hitchhiker king of the hill.
"Ever ride in a lozenge?"
What did we talk about, dude?
Three more hits and he's dead.
Did the director have a fetish for creepy smiles?
*ejaculates painfully*
Enough with Mrs. Robinson poolside. It's time for the Jimmy Swaggart fantasy.
(Technically that's just strawberry foreplay.)
"Objectivism is the only logical philosophy!"

"No, behavioral psychology has laid waste to its fundamental tenets!"
Like he's never done a tranny in Thailand.
TRUST RENT-A-TUMBLEWEED!
For All Your Tumbleweed Needs
Special rates for low-rent Japanese exterior shoots.
Did he really want to ride in the hearse?
Finally! There's the racism. And a touch more homophobia because you asked nicely.
"Oh hey, you're bluffing!"
A bored Jersey housewife and a community college anthropology major. Aren't you straight pimping.
♥ ♥ ♥ ♠ ♣ ♦
That's smart.

If you lose enough they comp your room.
I'll bet anything the ball doesn't land on perineum tonight.
Welcome to America
"Hey, it's me. The gay guy from the car. This whole thing has been a repressed homosexual allegory. Why don't you party with me tonight?"
"A FIGMENT OF MY IMAGINATION IS REALLY HERE!"
*wah wah waaah*
Capped by Space Toast

YouTubeCapper.Blogspot.com

07.24.2010 20:12

>Run Fight Magic

>HP: 1


>The Travis hits!

>I <3 Hirai Ken.

Retired Addiction

File Under: /housekeeping/addictions

William Gibson's Zero History (uncorrected proof)

William Gibson's new novel, Zero History, will be published in September. Confessionally, I read the first few chapters of Pattern Recognition without being drawn in, nor did I read Spook Country. Zero History seems to share a universe with these two, perhaps even complete a cycle of sorts. It's a brilliant piece of fiction, magnetic on the page, sharply observed, deeply witty and driven by an oddly ambiguous sense of peril. What becomes clear reading Zero History is that William Gibson never stopped writing cyberpunk: The real world simply caught up with him.

Here are a few short passages:

* * *

"How is she?" Milgram was having one of those experiences of feeling, as he'd explained to his therapist, that he was emulating a kind of social being that he fundamentally wasn't. Not that he was unconcerned with the pain he saw in Hollis's eyes, or with the fate of her friend, but that there was some language required here that he'd never learned.

* * *

"...What you need to remember, with these guys, is that they don't know they're con men. They're wildly overconfident. Omnipotence, omnipresence, that's part of the mythology that surrounds the Special Forces.... Your guy can walk in the door and promise training in something he personally doesn't know how to do, and not even realize he's bullshitting about his own capabilities. It's a special kind of gullibility, a kind of psychic tactical equipment, that he had installed during training. The Army put him through schools, that promised to teach him how to do everything, everything that matters."

* * *

"Were you ever a model?"

"No," said Hollis.

"I was," said Merideth, "for two years. I had a booker who loved using me. That's the key, really, your booker. New York, L.A., all over western Europe, home to Australia for more work, back to New York, back here. Intensely nomadic. George says more so than being in a band. You can cope, when you're seventeen, even when you've no money. Almost literally no money. I lived here, one winter, in a monthly-rent hotel room with three other girls. Hot plate, tiny fridge. Eighty euros a week 'pocket money.' That was what they called it. That was to live on. I couldn't afford an Orange Card for the MŽtro. I walked everywhere. I was in Vogue, but I couldn't afford to buy a copy. Fees were almost entirely eaten up before the checks found me, and the checks were always late. That's the way it works, if you're just another foot soldier, which is what I was. I slept on couches in New York, the floor of an apartment with no electricity, in Milan. It became apparent to me that the industry was grossly, baroquely dysfunctional."

"Modeling?"

"Fashion. ..."

07.23.2010 17:55

>Run Fight Magic

>HP: 0

Retired Addiction

File Under: /housekeeping/addictions

Christopher Hitchens' God Is Not Great

[Emphasis from original. Ellipses mine. Page numbers refer to the first edition Twelve Books hardcover.]

These mighty scholars may have written many evil things or many foolish things, and been laughably ignorant of the germ theory of disease or the place of the terrestrial globe in the solar system, let alone the universe, and this is the plain reason why there are no more of them today, and why there will be no more of them tomorrow. Religion spoke its last intelligible or noble or inspiring words a long time ago.... We shall have no more prophets or sages from the ancient quarter, which is why the devotions of today are only the echoing repetitions of yesterday, sometimes ratcheted up to screaming point so as to ward off the terrible emptiness. (7)

As for consolation, since religious people so often insist that faith answers this supposed need, I shall simply say that those who offer false consolation are false friends. In any case, the critics of religion do not simply deny that it has a painkilling effect. Instead, they warn against the placebo and the bottle of colored water. (9)

[Quoting John Stuart Mill:] "He looked upon [religion] as the greatest enemy of morality: first, by setting up factitious excellencies--belief in creeds, devotional feelings, and ceremonies, not connected with the good of human kind--and causing these to be accepted as substitutes for genuine virtue: but above all, by radically vitiating the standard or morals; making it consist in doing the will of a being, on whom it lavishes indeed all the phrases of adulation, but whom in sober truth it depicts as eminently hateful." (15)

It assures them that god cares for them individually, and claims that the cosmos was created with them specifically in mind. This explains the supercilious expression on the faces of those who practice religion ostentatiously: pray excuse my modesty and humility but I happen to be busy on an errand for god. (74)

In 2004, a soap-opera film about the death of Jesus was produced by an Australian fascist and ham actor named Mel Gibson. (110)

It was not until after the Second World War and the spread of decolonization and human rights that the cry for emancipation was raised again. In response, it was again very forcefully asserted (on American soil, in the second half of the twentieth century) that the discrepant descendants of Noah were not intended by god to be mixed. This barbaric stupidity had real-world consequences.... The entire self-definition of "the South" was that is was white, and Christian. This is exactly what gave Dr. King his moral leverage, because he could outpreach the rednecks. (179)

But to the totalitarian edicts that begin with revelation from absolute authority, and that are enforced by fear, and based on a sin that had been committed long ago, are added regulations that are often immoral and impossible at the same time. The essential principle of totalitarianism is to make laws that are impossible to obey. The resulting tyranny is even more impressive if it can be enforced by a privileged caste or party which is highly zealous in the detection of error. Most of humanity, throughout its history, has dwelt under a form of this stupefying dictatorship, and a large portion of it still does. (212)

In order to be a part of a totalitarian mind-set, it is not necessary to wear a uniform and carry a club or a whip. It is only necessary to wish for your own subjection, and to delight in the subjection of others. What is a totalitarian system if not one where the abject glorification of the perfect leader is matched by the surrender of all privacy and individuality, especially in matters sexual, and in denunciation and punishment--"for their own good"--of those who transgress? The sexual element is probably decisive, in that the dullest mind can grasp what Nathaniel Hawthorne captured in The Scarlet Letter: the deep connection between repression and perversion. (232)

[Quoting Blaise Pascal:] "Le silence éternel de ces espaces infinis m'effraie."
("The eternal silence of these infinite spaces makes me afraid.") (253)

Everybody but the psychopath has this feeling to a greater or lesser extent.... Modern vernacular describes conscience--not too badly--as whatever it is that makes us behave well when nobody is looking. (256)

Paine's Age of Reason marks almost the first time that frank contempt for organized religion was openly expressed. It had a tremendous worldwide effect. His American friends and contemporaries, partly inspired by him to declare independence from the Hanoverian usurpers and their private Anglican Church, meanwhile achieved an extraordinary and unprecedented thing: the writing of a democratic and republican constitution that made no mention of god and that mentioned religion only when guaranteeing that it would always be separated from the state. Almost all of the American founders died without any priest by their bedside, as also did Paine, who was much pestered in his last hours by religious hooligans who demanded that he accept Christ as his savior. Like David Hume, he declined all such consolation and his memory has outlasted the calumnious rumor that he begged to be reconciled with the church at the end. (The mere fact that such deathbed "repentances" were sought by the godly, let alone subsequently fabricated, speaks volumes about the bad faith of the faith-based.) (268-269)

The study of literature and poetry, both for its own sake and for the eternal ethical questions with which it deals, can now easily depose the scrutiny of sacred texts that have been found to be corrupt and confected. The pursuit of unfettered scientific inquiry, and the availability of new findings to masses of people by easy electronic means, will revolutionize our concept of research and development. Very importantly, the divorce between the sexual life and fear, and the sexual life and disease, and the sexual life and tyranny, can now at last be attempted, on the sole condition that we banish all religions from the discourse. And all this and more is, for the first time in our history, within the reach if not the grasp of everyone. (283)

07.23.2010 17:55

>Run Fight Magic

>HP: 1


>The Travis hits!

>This sounds a wonderful book.

Best Sellers

File Under: /culture

Just time this week to check in on the Times Best Sellers List...

Hardcover Fiction
1. THE LORDBURN REPETITION, by Kluey Part Smith. (Niffen, $26.00.) Super spy Rex Coulter must stop a large thing from happening.
2. THE PERSPICACITY OF DOUBT, by Lucy Blovine. (Scor/Delfine, $26.50.) Summering on Wild Horse island, recent divorcee Hailiey McElle-Saphire meets an otherwise perfect man with a dark secret.
3. CHURNED, by James Patterson and Olivia Sciatica. (Buffet, $28.00.) Ribald O'Makepeace will stop at nothing to avenge his carpool. Patterson Vermeers his name onto an eleventh USA Original-grade potboiler this year.
4. ROBERT LUDLUM'S THE BOURNE BORING, by Eric Von Lustbader. (Taipei Holdings Corp, $24.99.) Renegade agents delve underground as Von Lustbader continues to serve out some karmic purgatory inside the long-dead corpse of Ludlum.
5. PIECES OF A LIFE ONCE LIVED, by Katherine Loft. (Shumberg, $26.00.) Nothing much happens.
6. A MURDER IN THE COLON, by Dee Brettfield. (Snorium Mystery, $23.95.) Questions must be answered when bodies begin turning up outside homicide dick-turned-doc Rue Level's Hollywood practice in Brettfield's latest colonoscopy-flavored opus.
7. HEART OF THE HEART, by Lisette Poe. (Snaf Books, $26.00.) A story about sisters in which they don't just plain hate each other.
8. STAR WARS: QUORUM OF THE JEDI: THE FORCE AND ITS DISCONTENTS, by Callista Quing. (DF, $24.00.) A whole galaxy at war and it's the same ten goddamn planets and cast members. Followup to Star Wars: Quorum of the Jedi: Lodgers of the Force.
9. JEREMIAH'S SWORD, by J. Luke Taper. (Swaggart Press, $23.99.) A young man's flaming sword thrusts the spirit of God into the backs of the unrepentant in Taper's post-Rapture Christian allegory.
10. DEAD IN THE FAMILY, by Charlaine Harris. (Ace, $25.95.) Sookie Stackhouse is exhausted in the aftermath of a Fae war.
11. PROFOUND TONE, by Paulo Coelho. (Shiv/Livertoot, $27.95.) The author of The Alchemist pads out another child chapter book plot with his trademark Buddhist Monk Voice.
Hardcover Nonfiction
1. THAT WEBSITE: THE BOOK, by Stu Borgen et. al. (eBooks iPublications, $22.99.) That website, in book form for some reason. Destined for the can.
2. IF IT WERE POSSIBLE TO HAVE SEX WITH A GENERATION, I WOULD HAVE SEX WITH THE GREATEST GENERATION, by Tom Brokaw. (Culthouse, $24.00.) Further wankery on the generation that beat the Depression, World War II, blacks and women.
3. MR. EIFFEL'S AWFULLY BIG TOWER, by Snake Morley. (B&W/Weege, $29.99.) New revelations on the temporary unpopularity of the monument, from the archives of the Parisian Ladies' Anti-Berber League.
4. STEPHENIE MEYER: CREEPY, SEXUALLY-REPRESSED MORMON BROOD MARE, by Deedee Copenham. (Salt Press, $22.00.) The authorized biography.
5. FAILED GOVERNOR, by Mitt Romney. (Tankard, $28.50.) The one-term Massachusetts executive explains why he's somehow relevant to national politics.
6. I'M A CELEBRITY... FUCK!, by some chick or other. (Tarpaulin Books, $23.00.) Yet more reminiscences by the woman who has the routine about- Wait am I thinking of the other one? The one who was always drunk.
7. MY MONEY IS IN MY SHOE, by Lou Dobbs. (Milli Press, $27.00.) Something about immigrants, something about gold, and other stuff it's getting increasingly hard to classify from the former pundit.
8. IN LEAGUE WITH DEVILS, by Gordon Bott. (Walden Press, $29.50.) It doesn't matter what it's about, the crappy university publisher didn't expect it to do any business and it'll be backordered for a month.
9. WHEN WE DIE, WE DON'T DIE, by Premaketuur Jones. (Shambhala, $24.50.) Deep meditations on the large "Continue? 10... 9... 8..." screen that appears over our heads when we die if we properly practice spiritual quantum mindfulness soul vibration wellness.
10. ...AND HE PROBABLY HAS A TINY PENIS, TOO!, by Laura Ingraman. (John Birch Books, $24.95.) Ann Coulter takes us on another tour of vitriol, crackpot research and insinuation. Laura Ingraham. Whatever.
11. COUNTERFACTUALS, by Malcolm Gladwell. (Greengreen, $24.99.) Sixteen more hilariously surprising bullshit essays, including "Reevaluating Ethyl," "Anyone Could Teach Elementary School" and "Caesar Invented the Typewriter."

07.21.2010 20:06

>Run Fight Magic

>HP: 0

Five Underused Horror Tropes

File Under: /film

And properties that make interesting use of them.

1. Frankenstein Creations: Powerful, perhaps immortal confusions of once-dead human parts reanimated by Dr. Frankenstein's (always) secret method. Not to be overly confused with James Whale's 1931 film with its constricted, single-location plot, dim bolt-necked creation, and memorable use of Nicola Tesla-inspired electrical equipment as the (revealed) method of cell reanimation.

Franken Fran: A manga series about a loveable but somehow unmistakeably monsterous patchwork girl who inhabits a mansion full of equally bizarre creations, "helping" people as she sees fit, and awaiting the return of her creator.

2. Dopplegangers: Classically, a mute apparition of oneself that appears to warn against impending danger.

Arcana: Another manga, slow to start, in which a girl matching no missing person's report is found by the police, and by her ability to see ghosts proves useful in investigating a series of brutal murders.

3. Former Tenants: Beings who inhabited the Earth long before humans, and who want their world back.

The short stories of H.P. Lovecraft: Lovecraft lived in the era when man was pushing into the final dark corners of the map. His dominant theme was a fear that the dark corners would push back. The double-switch Lovecraft plays in "At the Mountains of Madness" is particularly impressive. (Cthulhu, despite his fame, is a relatively minor player.)

4. Sirens: Beautiful female creatures, often with the aspects of seabirds, who lure men (and women?) to a watery death with an irresistable song.

There is a Japanese survival horror videogame series called "Siren," but it appears to have very little to do with the western myth.

5. The Motif of Harmful Sensation: Related to the siren, a broader term for the idea of a piece of sensory input that can cause a physical effect on the victim. (Well explained in the finest deleted Wikipedia article I've ever come across.)

BLIT: David Langford's remarkable short story revolves around the discovery of a class of images that "crash" the human brain, killing anyone who views them.

07.11.2010 19:25

>Run Fight Magic

>HP: 0

India, Nationalism and Archaeology

File Under: /culture

East Asian cultural blog A Man With Tea muses on the implications of a request by the Archaeological Survey of India for the return of certain art objects in the British Museum.

On paper, at least, India under the Raj wasn't the single nation "India" as we know it today, but a massively fractured series of kingdoms and micro-nations. (Think of the Warring States period in China, or Italy until the late 19th century -- but cloned many times over.) Each was (in theory) independent, though deeply linked with the others through trade and treaty. Each (in theory) had its own arrangements with the British. In practice they were vassal states to a virtual vassal state ("India") of Britain.

In ethical terms, there is a difference between taking advantage of a period of unrest to loot art objects, and taking things with the permission of whomever is in charge of the place where the artifacts are located. (In some cases, like Boston's Japanese art collection, the items were literally being discarded during a period of unrest, and would no longer exist if some foreigner hadn't taken a shine to them. VERY tricky.) Obviously leaders change, and by the standards of democracy virtually no leader from the past would now be considered "legitimate" -- but that's applying modern ethics to the past. Modern ethics are a modern technology.

Indians are wonderfully legalistic, and I'd be a little disappointed if they didn't try to make a case for having the items returned. But Indians have a bad habit of building a convoluted case and then BELIEVING it too. I'm afraid that what this probably comes down to is nationalism, and that's something that I, personally, have no truck with.

06.26.2010 08:53

>Run Fight Magic

>HP: 0

Panorama: Off Route 17

File Under: /sketchbook/panos

Union, ME.

Stitched together in Hugin from eighteen camera phone pictures. Mercator projection.

06.22.2010 19:04

>Run Fight Magic

>HP: 0

Retired Addiction

File Under: /housekeeping/addictions

Current Addiction: Dimitri From Paris's Cruising Attitude album

I can't quite manage to not get happy listening to "Merumo." Slick, stylish and fun "faux jazz" in the '60s orchestra style. John Barry on a bender.

06.18.2010 08:54

>Run Fight Magic

>HP: 0

111 Minute Book Covers: Paradise Lost

File Under: /sketchbook/111

Speed composition of a book cover for John Milton's Paradise Lost.

Assets are a photo of Michelle Webster from a shoot we did in March, and Ivan Tortuga's public domain image of a moth from the Wikimedia Commons. Fonts are Zdenek Gromnica's InfraRed and Gerard E. Bernor's Bambi Bold.

Under 111 minutes? Close.

Click image for 300dpi.

06.13.2010 14:37

>Run Fight Magic

>HP: 0

Mac OS X Interface Criticisms

File Under: /web/design

For the statement of purpose, skip to the end. Let's get into this...

And briefly noted:

I was making Hypercard games when I was ten on a Mac Plus. I learned Animation:Master when it was Playmation on a Quadra. I was modding Escape Velocity with Ray Dream Designer and ResEdit on a 60Mhz Performa. I won most of my film festival awards for a 12 minute short animated on a 500Mhz G3 iMac bubble. I freelanced after college with a G5 tower. I remember Strata, KPT, Aldus and Fractal Design, and I'm old enough to remember the MCP when it was just a chess program! I may know what I'm talking about.

06.08.2010 21:56

>Run Fight Magic

>HP: 0

YouTube Captioning: March 19, 2010 - Rubi

File Under: /web/caption

So many more captioned YouTube videos, including several feature films, at YouTubeCapper.Blogspot.com. Create your own embeddable captioned YouTube videos here.

lbdFY3-yv1A
You need Flash player 8+ and JavaScript enabled to view this video.
This translation is provided for the educational enrichment of the YouTube Captioning public regarding the unique cultural voice of Tagalog-language drama.
I'm afraid you're just not cut out to be a vet tech.
You can keep the scrubs, but please leave.
I've never said this after one class.
You faking it too?
No-

Come on! Doctor Teeth looks more like a pediatrician.
You're not a pedo, are you?
Because if you are, I've got a trunk full of items that might interest you...
Who are THEY to judge us?! Know what I mean?
Right?
I'm trying to catch the Phantom!
I'm sorry the... disease has only gotten worse.
I can tell.
With every minute that goes by, your son turns more and more into Jaden Smith.
Untalented. Yes.
Neve Campbell!
We've never met this Phantom. How can we be turning into "B" list celebrities?
They say he might be tainting drinks to terrorize people.
Seriously, though. Am I really starting to look like Robin Tunney?
Um...
Not... Who's Robin Tunney?
You know...

I do?
From The Craft?
Well! If it isn't the bitches of Eastwick.
I can't believe you're BOTH turning into cast members of The Craft.

Laaaaame!
Look! It's Danielle Panabaker and post-scrappy-cuteness Claire Danes.
It's better than being Neve Campbell and... oh wait, what was her name? She never did another film again.
Robin Tunney? Bitch is on "The Mentalist" these days, skank.
Oh, that's right! And The Zodiac, right?
Zodiac, with Jake Gyllenhaal and Robert Downey, Jr.?
No, The Zodiac, with Macaulay Culkin's kid brother.
But really, "Neve." How's it going? Thought of releasing an album since riding the Scream franchise into the ground?
...as in "GWARs Doug?" [GWAR-style scatting.]
They say it's reversible!
Get real! At least I caught someone no one's ever heard of. No one remembers Disney's Sky High.
Seriously. Kurt Russell in a big foam suit? You've got to rent it.
She probably thinks if they catch the Phantom they'll be able to reverse the effects.
Get used to it, honey. The blank. Test pattern. Stare. You're going to have it for a long time!
Everything all right?
Um... You got a huge dose of Ryan Seacrest, didn't you?
Whatever. It could have been Simon Cowell.
When you're bumping uglies tonight, it'll be like a porno VH1 special.
Sleep tight, kids.
I threw up a little just now.
Is it possible to wash my mind's eye out with bleach?
I am never going to eat again!
Bumping... ug-uglies...
"Come on, son."
"You can tell me."
I don't know how to explain this, doc.
The Phantom has gotten to each one of my friends... but not me.
Do you think you're feeling a sort of survivor's guilt?
You may just be so bland that it's not taking.
You know, I actually thought I was turning into Ricky Martin this weekend.
I went out and bought some Menudo tracksuits, came out on my blog...
"Maybe it will help..."
If we imagine there is no Phantom per se.
You look about as imposing as David Schwimmer...
"Just about." Why?
"And maybe..."
"This can help too."
"It will be our little secret, son."
You take this.
Essence of Neve Campbell? I can't accept this.
You'd look good as a stiff "B" actress.
Thanks. The Janet Reno never quite took.
It all...
It started out innocently enough.
A little essence of Tim Robbins here and there...
Bob Hoskins. I got hooked on Gerald McRaney.
Pretty soon everyone's doing it.
But not admitting it. Like listening to Boston.
Thanks for the David Schwimmer and the advice.
"I appreciate this conversation."
It may be Matt LeBlanc.
I can live with that.
I'm sorry.
All I could score you was Robin Tunney. She was on "Prison Break." Kind of.
Her hair didn't really fall out. It was a bald cap.
Driver?
Yo?
How good is this Mark Ericson guy?
If you can't be the real person you want to be
Why not be someone who looks like someone else?
They must be famous for a reason, not just by random chance...
Capped by SpaceToast
YouTubeCapper.Blogspot.com

05.30.2010 21:38

>Run Fight Magic

>HP: 0

Is It Just Me...?

File Under: /culture

05.16.2010 21:03

>Run Fight Magic

>HP: 0

YouTube Captioning: Clean Coal Success Story

File Under: /web/caption

Find more captioned YouTube videos from KKDW, TheDiva, GlitterRock and myself at YouTubeCapper.Blogspot.com. Create your own embeddable captioned videos here.

HipbxVHH1-Y
You need Flash player 8+ and JavaScript enabled to view this video.
TONIGHT WE DINE IN HELL!
Fishing next to a 50 year old coal plant. Get ready for the Big Lie, folks.
Rednecks?
"Far as we could get from this sh** hole."

"Tha's right."
SOFT FOCUS = SINCERITY
UNRELATED TESTIMONIALS = RAPPORT
"...your wife."
I should say so!
"Still f*ckin' your wife, Ted."
That's easy to remember.
You put little suits on steam?
"We're going to be using steel, which is metal. And burn coal, which burns."
Heeeeeeeere they come to snuff the Bruce Na...
It can't be that important...
Enter your own damn text.
It means 40% efficiency, vs. the 37% of hundred-year-old technology.
PARTIAL FOCUS = EVEN MORE SINCERITY
(Added in post.)
TIME LAPSE CLOUDS = THOUGHTFULNESS
(Also works with bodies of water, stars, hilly forests.)
It's basically a big Dirt Devil.
"And about 5 million tons of CO2 per annum."
If you'd like to know what these a**holes are actually on about, Council Bluffs #4 happened to be the first coal plant built after the EPA began forcing the power industry to reduce mercury emissions. There are three older plants on the site, each releasing 5x the mercury of #4. We have two more minutes -- think they'll mention any of this?
GREEN STUFF = FRIENDLY
They're circulating, are they?
Rape, larceny, poor dental hygiene...
You built. A fourth. Plant.
That means more pollution, you carpetbagging twat.
"And global warming was made up by Al Gore, so..."
"Fish sticks."
Walri? Kid's nothing if not ambitious. And a bit stupid.
I'm sorry, which disease did you catch?
I only speak New England Redneck, can you repeat large portions of that?

TMI, dude.
"That was no fish, that was my wife!"
*boom!*
FAMILY TESTIMONIAL = TRUST
"Just not in any way that affects me."
BACKLIGHTING + FILL = CALM
"Something heavier than the lure."
MULTIPLE MATCH CUTS = CLOSURE
HITACHI: Doing the Minimum Required by Law™
And expecting a handjob for it!
Capped by Space Toast
YouTubeCapper.Blogspot.com

05.09.2010 21:11

>Run Fight Magic

>HP: 0

Thirteen Ideas We Need Words For

File Under: /culture

1. verb. Treating a verifiable fact as a philosophical opinion. (Evolution, heliocentrism, tax rates, etc.)

2. adjective. An idea which is neither fringe nor mainstream; a plausible idea without sufficient refuting or corroborating evidence.

3. noun. The desire to marry outside one's ethnicity, religion or culture.

4. noun. The talent for attracting resources to oneself, as distinct from talent or charm.

5. noun. The peculiar semi-English used in Indian advertising. India's version of "Engerish."

6. noun. Putting a great deal of work into looking less attractive.

7. noun. The inflated price of a good or service from which a predetermined "discount" is expected to be deducted. (Magazines, cars, medical services, etc.)

8. verb. Looking for attractive friends-of-friends on a social networking site.

9. adjective. The quality of a language to sound good rapped.

10. noun. An imagined period of time which doesn't fit into the known timeline of history. (Nationalist myths, "ancient wisdom," the 1001 Nights stories, etc.)

11. noun. The ageing character who survives the story despite having little concern about his or her death. (The hostages in the Nausicaa mangas, Terence Stamp's character in The Limey, etc.)

12. pronoun. A neuter third-person singular.

13. pronoun. A second-person plural distinct from the second-person singular.

You'll notice that there are no adverbs on the list. We have more than enough adverbs as it is, and compositions are usually improved by their deletion.

Some suggestions for the above:

1. To murdoch? In honor of its greatest worldwide proponent.
2. Borderland? Useful for grain-of-salt publications like "Counterpunch."
3. No idea. "Exo-" constructs sound too cold.
4. Does this already exist as an off-label use of the word "gravity?"
5. Hindlish? (Hindi + English.) Not entirely accurate, but most Indian culture that reaches the West escapes via (Hindi speaking) Bollywood.
6. Emoing down? More of a term than a word.
7. Bulltag?
8. This usually gets lost under the broader term "Facebook stalking."
9. Spittable? As in "Korean is not very spittable."
10. i-time? Ugly, esoteric and hyphenated. Refers to the mathematical concept of i -- imaginary numbers which can be visualized as extending to the left and right of the number line.
11. Old soldier? Most stock characters get a term, not a word.
12. Ee? (False root of "he" and "she.") None of our other pronouns have this problem.
13. Yall? I still flinch when I hear "y'all," but unless we somehow bring back the third person singular "thou," it's our best hope. Perhaps we should drop the apostrophe and make it a proper word.

04.25.2010 19:40

>Run Fight Magic

>HP: 3


>The Travis hits!

>1) yes, we do need a word for that 5) Inglish? Ingrish? (from 'In'dia) 7) Nice. I like it. 12) YES. 13) My Classical Hebrew book translates the plural second person into "thou", and it took me a long time to understand what it was referring to, i.e. how "you" and "thou" or "ye" and "thee" or whatever it is they were using differ. Confusing....


>The Space Toast hits!

>The Hindi word for English (the language, the people -- and basically white people in general) sounds in our mid-Atlantic accent sort of like UN-GRAEZ or UN-GRAE-ZEE (soft mouth G and R, like in French) even though phonetically Hindi could easily render IN-GLISH or British EEN-GLUSH. I still like "Hindlish." Saying it aloud sort of forces you to reach for that high, pure "i" and clean "l," which takes you halfway to what I know of the Mumbai accent anyway.


>The Travis hits!

>Well, you know far more about Hindi and India than I do, so I defer to your expertise...

Blosxom: Upgrading to an RSS 2.0 Feed

File Under: /web/blosxom

Blosxom still pretty much just damn works, but it's dying. A dead News link on a project site is never a good sign. It won't be long before the STP will have to move to another weblog backend, but that's for another day.

Today's issue: Facebook keeps inexplicably dropping my RSS feed. Facebook is of course happy to pretend there isn't an internet outside its walls, but I get a lot more feedback on my ideas through Facebook than in the blog comments. Whether it's the cause of this problem or not, in keeping with its age, Blosxom serves feeds in the RSS 0.90 format, which would be a bit of a ColecoVision even if Blosxom had ever done it right.

I've modified my copy of the blosxom.cgi script to produce a modern RSS 2.0 feed that validates correctly. You can do the same. Here's how:

1. Open blosxom.cgi in a text editor and scroll to the bottom.

2. Replace this rubbish:

rss content_type text/xml
rss head <?xml version="1.0"?>\n<!-- name="generator"
content="blosxom/$version" -->\n<!DOCTYPE rss PUBLIC "-//Netscape
Communications//DTD RSS 0.91//EN"
"http://my.netscape.com/publish/formats/rss-0.91.dtd">\n\n<rss
version="0.91">\n  <channel>\n   
<title>$blog_title $path_info_da $path_info_mo
$path_info_yr</title>\n   
<link>$url</link>\n   
<description>$blog_description</description>\n   
<language>$blog_language</language>\n
rss story   <item>\n   
<title>$title</title>\n   
<link>$url/$yr/$mo_num/$da#$fn</link>\n   
<description>$body</description>\n  </item>\n
rss date \n
rss foot   </channel>\n</rss>


3. With this rubbish:

rss content_type text/xml
rss head <?xml version="1.0"?>\n\n<rss
version="2.0">\n  <channel>\n   
<title>$blog_title $path_info_da $path_info_mo
$path_info_yr</title>\n   
<link>$url</link>\n   
<description>$blog_description</description>\n   
<language>$blog_language</language>\n
<generator>blosxom $version</generator>\n
<docs>http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss</docs>\n
rss story   <item>\n   
<title>$title</title>\n   
<pubDate>$dw, $da $mo $yr $ti:00
GMT</pubDate>\n   
<link>$url/$yr/$mo_num/$da#$fn</link>\n   
<guid
isPermaLink="true">$url$path/$fn</guid>\n   
<description>$body</description>\n  </item>\n
rss date \n
rss foot   </channel>\n</rss>


That's it.

04.25.2010 17:24

>Run Fight Magic

>HP: 0

YouTube Captioning: Jesus and Moses Went Golfing

File Under: /web/caption

The YouTube Captioning Thing has been upgraded to handle higher resolution videos. Find more captioned videos from KKDW, TheDiva, GlitterRock and myself at YouTubeCapper.Blogspot.com. Create your own embeddable captioned YouTube videos here.

khoSNERaCt0
You need Flash player 8+ and JavaScript enabled to view this video.
"...you said we'd be in the desert for a week."
Book of Clubs: 8 wood 4
Please don't do that.
Spreads a choirboy's anus, and...
Jesus doesn't handle confrontation well.
But it's hard to make par with your penis.
Passive-aggressively immitating Charlie Chaplin.
Moses was just being an asshole.
Is Jesus doing the sound effects too?
( / 2) -
For more of God being a dick, please read the Old Testament.
" God is just sick of your masturbating. "
(The guy reaching for the man with the limp penis.)
Did he say when?
.
o
O
(He's right... He's right... That's right... Oh my god, that's so right...)
Did they know how condoms worked?
"BASTARDS!"
It also lets SATAN crawl up your hoo-ha.
"You... SLUT."
Actually, the Catholic church has spent the last thousand years debating the point of "ensoulement" without coming to any solid consensus.
Something that happens naturally to 60-80% of fertilized eggs anyway. (Yes, fertilized eggs.)
Wait, when did logic come into the Catholic church?
Or "GALILEO WAS RIGHT!" prior to Nirvana dropping the Nevermind album.
There there, Thomas Aquinas, William of Occam and Aristotle -- the molestache man is almost done.
Yes, I can clearly see the moral and logical problem you've backed yourself into.
←Bad    Good→
"Sorry about your son's sphincter, here's some money..."
Do you get the feeling that somewhere there's a shop class missing its wacky teacher, and the girls are having to use the bandsaw without someone leaning over to guide both of their hands?
Brought to You by Your Ashur-Worshipping Friends in Ninveh:
Capital of the Ancient Assyrian Empire
Capped by Space Toast
YouTubeCapper.Blogspot.com

04.24.2010 16:14

>Run Fight Magic

>HP: 0

Panorama: Beech Hill

File Under: /sketchbook/panos

Rockport, ME.

Stitched together in Hugin from fifteen camera phone pictures. Mercator projection.

04.23.2010 22:22

>Run Fight Magic

>HP: 0

Retired Addiction

File Under: /housekeeping/addictions

Massive Attack's Heligoland album

Massive Attack is dangerous. Massive Attack is back.

04.14.2010 08:41

>Run Fight Magic

>HP: 0

How to Tell If You've Been Ripped Off by the Developers of Your Corporate Site

File Under: /web/design

It's thoroughly embarassing what even Fortune 500 companies will accept from their website designers. There's a lot of snake oil out there, like Twitter and almost anything to do with Facebook, not to mention the Russian roulette of gaming search engines, but we're just going to look at your website. If you're a not too tech savvy manager trying to figure out if your vendor is ripping you off, read on.

04.11.2010 19:35

>Run Fight Magic

>HP: 0

YouTube Captioning: 2010 K-POP Single Chart (March Week 3)

File Under: /web/caption

So many more captioned YouTube videos, including several feature films, at YouTubeCapper.Blogspot.com. Create your own embeddable captioned YouTube videos here.

xBCZc7s4ELQ
You need Flash player 8+ and JavaScript enabled to view this video.
2010: A K-Pop Odyssey
"What!?"
"Ow!"
"Quit it!"
"Dammit!"
"Quit shoving!"
It could be gas.
Translation: "...but the Body Shop was closed!"
            ↑
To be fair, chicks with violins rock.
           
To be fair, chicks with violins rock.
Shouldn't he be wearing tissue boxes on his feet?
"Go my child! Escape from the man fairy!"
To be exact, love, a can of Red Bull, and two shots each of Bacardi and Jagermeister taught me to drink.
"Play it again, Chan."
"My urine sample!"
.
o
O
(Dammit, I'm almost out of condiments)
Seeing as this appears to be a tv show theme, you'd think cutting a video wouldn't have been ponderous.
If you squished today and twenty years ago together, this is the horrible clothing you would end up with.
I thought HOPPER + DRAMA = EASY RIDER
(Shouldn't this be over?)
Boyz II Twatz
Walk into the damn light!
You: zip up
You: unzip
What about Noein?
8eight appears with 2AM and 4Men in the new release Now 7hat's What 1 Call 1nexplicable Use of Digits #7.
Where do you get a belt with a heat exchanger?
Not his usual look. He came here straight from dodging the "100M from a school or playground" restriction slapped on him by the judge.
There's a joke you're not in on here: The band is called "4Men," but there are three of them, without a testicle between them.
I Can't (Theme to Virginia Woolf's "To the Lighthouse")
I want to enjoy this, but there's an air of barely-contained desperation around these women.
See what I mean?
; _ ;
^_^
You do know they make unobtrusive mics, right?
Love. I'm noticing a theme here.
Falling Down II: Lady Luckless
A sewer in my bed...!

[INSERT EMOTION HERE]
"Hey! It's only raining in front of the camera!"
Yay! The shocker song!
Two in the pink, one in the stink! Shock! SHOCK!
Maybe they're saying "shuck." It could be a corn song.
But didn't get a wrist or a finger
Goddamn the cur
Jack, that cat
(He's technically a woman but don't tell the officer)
Korean is not a language you can "spit."
People who won't even dog-ear a page run in fear from
Marginalia Man!
The hand bump. Classic.
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Well don't everybody run away. Somebody's got to clean up around here.
*Lloyd Thaxton pedals through*
I knooooow a little place/ Not far from town/
(Gotta go) A kind of pretty place/ Three up, two down
Ahh. The Korean Miley.
"Good. Gooooood..."             ↑
Another song with "love" in the title. Take a drink.
Confirm. Deny.
You take that back!
Usually you have to be near a base to get Cum-Shot Happy Entertainment in Korea.
Not that I'd... know....
I'm getting a little sick of running too.
What are we running from, at least?
Stop telling me what to do!
+5 Chain Mail? She can't equip that until level 15!
Does lupin grow in Korea? Or is this a posh remake of "Hungry Like the Wolf?"
Sarah Jessica Park Hyor
"Wait! I'll get furniture! I swear."
"Or a door! At least I'll get a door!"
I hear the Marvel continuity nazis sh*t kittens when Dazzler moved to Korea and had a son.
"Or scenery outside of the windows! Anything!"
"You know I love you more than my cheap particle effects! Please!"
Sentinel attack! Hit the deck.
Gee. This video.
Cut scenes from a movie in, and it's MTV: 1988-1994.
(For those younger people in the audience, MTV used to play music.)
BubbleLove.com was already registered. And she was NOT happy with what she found there.
Someone lob another mortar.
2AM: The all fighting-game-villain band
Yes, you did wrong. Now comb it flat again.
Did anyone else just see Kim Jong Il?
D'oh, my bad!
Look, we'll see if we can sort it out with super glue...
What's with the fourth grade love note? I thought child molestation was only big in Japan.
She been driving me so blue
I'll not chicken out again!
Her mom's so cocky...
Young as kids can get...
Yes, "T-ara" is #1. We haven't been counting up.
I know someone who goes crazy because of his violent psychoses. Y'all should hang.
Somewhere in Seoul: "It's peurile, but it doesn't have an annoying repeated phrase. Who wrote that 'Oh Oh Oh Oh' bit for T-ara? Get me that bastard. That bastard sh*ts gold records!"
"What a world!"
Chunky? Lady, Gainax characters are chunky compared to you.
Fosse!
To recap #1: Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, chunky-chunky-chunky-chunky-chunky-chunky-chunky, Satan'll never reach out.
Capped by Space Toast
YouTubeCapper.Blogspot.com

04.08.2010 22:35

>Run Fight Magic

>HP: 0

Zombeatification

File Under: /sketchbook

From a picture of my friend Michelle...

Original:
Edited:

Still not as awesome as this image, or this image, but fun.

Lessons learned:

03.14.2010 14:13

>Run Fight Magic

>HP: 0

Retired Addiction

File Under: /housekeeping/addictions

Barnaby Ward's Sixteen Miles to Merricks and Other Works
I've mancrushed on Ward before. Picking up his graphic novel was worth the money. Now where's the next one, Barnaby?

03.07.2010 20:13

>Run Fight Magic

>HP: 0

Building the Shack, Part 12

File Under: /sketchbook/shack

Ended up spending most of the winter on the walls, working on warm days. Started by cutting and stapling sheet plastic over the frame where the walls would go.

Collected usable scrap lumber from around the property. Angle cut boards on the table saw to 30°. Made perpendicular cuts in the workshop with hand-held circular saw.

Started on the west wall. Didn't beat the snow. Got most of the west wall nailed into place standing on saw horses. Finished on the extension ladder.

East wall was the most complicated. Hung the entension ladder on the roof peak from the foot of the banking, being careful of the picture window.

Made a platform with the ladder, to get the board above the window nailed into place. Steadied the ladder by running ratcheting straps out from the side windows, and finished the roof peak late one night in February under freezing drizzle.

South wall easier. Stood on the block of styrofoam from the picture window installation to get the top board in place. Worked up from the bottom. Recut the final board a few times.

North wall finished last. Cut the final board trapezoidally by hand.

Finished this afternoon, in sunny 45° spring weather.

Caulking needed in places, but walls are in place.

03.07.2010 20:02

>Run Fight Magic

>HP: 0

YouTube Captioning: Duck and Cover

File Under: /web/caption

So many more captioned YouTube videos at YouTubeCapper.Blogspot.com. Create your own embeddable captioned YouTube videos here.

-2kdpAGDu8s
You need Flash player 8+ and JavaScript enabled to view this video.
And to the sound of the Dumb Dumb song, we welcome you to a classic piece of WTF.
The Allegory of Bertrand Russell
Clearly.
Wh-? Where did-?!
Oh god, the monkey was a suicide bomber!
He didn't speak unless spoken to...
"FOR THE CAUSE -!"
*bits of dead monkey begin to fall*
"Plod along mindlessly, and withdraw within yourself when there's unrest."
*instinctively mashes the Top Menu button*
"...any unathorized rebroadcast, retransmission, or relocation without the express written consent of the Civil Defense Administration is prohibited."
I think Bert's pretty much "out" already.
"You're a puss."
Scenes from "Burt the Turtle Fights VD"
Emotionally?
Sometimes monkeys just blow themselves up.
"Under my hairpiece, children."
But do we understand its needs?
"Such as school desegregation."
Alert the FBI if you see anyone talking to unknown fires in your neighborhood.
Hitler!
"If you ever need to drill a fire."
"Herbie: Fully Loaded" should be avoided at all costs.
"Our ragamuffins shall protect us from the cars."
Or risk suburban ostracism.
Pre-Tweens
Chances are you won't.
If you're not lucky enough to be vaporized instantly.
Or will again.
Miss Rumphius: Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb
"Burn your shadow into the pavement..."
"It can menace people near drugstores, and smoke marijuana."
Please. Bert is boiled like a sweet in there.
"Oh yeah. Oh god yeah."
Did you know your homeowner policy doesn't cover atomic brinksmanship?
Shame-wise
With your face?
Cover your back with your septum.
"Isn't this f*cking bullsh*t? Wouldn't we f*cking die anyway?"
"Shut the f*ck up, Betty."
Sometimes you will see the monkey, sometimes you will not.
"Permission to go faster, sir."
"PBS. No, the Mrs. Slocum's Pussy tote bag is at the $200 level."
"Does that look like an atomic bomb to you?"
You may be playing with yourself when the signal comes.
FASTER! TRAMPLE EACH OTHER, YOU F*CKERS! THE WEAK WILL NOT REPRODUCE UNDER THE NEW ORDER!
"Galactus!"
In your perfectly pressed suit.
Near the liqueur cabinet.
If you're in Chinatown...
"It's in my soundproofed apartment, right up there..."
"Let go of my elbow."

"Forget it, baby. It's... Chinatown."
"...you may encounter a Beatnik."

"Me?"
Unless you're The Flash.
"When they dump your books, dive into a fetal position, screaming like a little girl. Watch..."
"Ugod! Wah! Stopit! Stopit! Aaugh!"
"See how he's wet himself?"
"That'll keep them from stuffing you in the janitor's cart."
"Expect them to spit on you. Fortunately, no one can jack off fast enough to soil you in that manner."
I'll take my chances with the bomb, thank you.
Except the room itself.
"IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD, KIDS! INCEST! DRUGS! WAAAH! HA HA HA HA!"
"...they'll never live down the shame."
"Out of my way, b*tch!"
"Too bad they won't be around to enjoy it."
"A feeble attempt, really."
"Future civilizations will be amused by the shapes they leave in the half-molten topsoil."
GAH! They are!
Did she put her head through the cladding?
Or her head will be preserved, anyway.
"Tony regularly wets the bed as a result. Tony's dad beats him."
Tony, can I recommend the other side of the wall?
Tony thinks that if he can't see the shockwave, it can't see him.
"Notice how he weeps, and curses Oppenheimer."
Any unnecessary rubbing or thrusting he does is condoned by the United States Government.
"He's armed, so be careful of him in the ensuing anarchy."
"No matter how mad his demands."
The armored schoolbus
"Has it ever been cleaned down here?!"
"The glass may melt and splash across your body, casting your final scream in a hideous crystalline death mask."
"Stop eating the cooking fuel!"
If they know what's good for them.
Or they believe it, and that's the important bit for civil control.
As long as it's made of 3" thick lead.
"Which shouldn't be much of anywhere, or you'll just be getting what's coming to you, you slut."
That could have gone so many kinds of wrong.
"In all likelihood, falling structures will do this for you."
"Seriously, what the f*ck?"
"Review the life flashing before your eyes, as the air fills with a sound and smell of sizzling bacon."
"...lose that virginity fast."
Kill every monkey you see.
Don't call him Barry Allen?
Next from Astoria Public Schools, don't miss "It's a M.A.D., M.A.D., M.A.D., M.A.D. Cold War."
Capped by Space Toast
YouTubeCapper.blogspot.com

02.24.2010 07:18

>Run Fight Magic

>HP: 0

YouTube Captioning: Sylvia Browne's Predictions for 2009 (Part 1)

File Under: /web/caption

So many more captioned YouTube videos at YouTubeCapper.Blogspot.com. Create your own here.

-56lERwiZtI
You need Flash player 8+ and JavaScript enabled to view this video.
We were. Let's see how you did.
You're not going to change them after the fact like you do on your website, are you?
Book sales down, Syl?
"Ribbit."
Puff puff. Pass. Prophecy. Prevaricate.
That wasn't the first one?
YOU'RE NOT A FRAUD!
Yes yes, my liberal sensibilities are sufficiently buttered up. Can we move on to the predictions?
Everyone expected the December interest rate cut you're referring to, and there was no cut in all of 2009.
Mexican labor?
And many things we don't.
Are we talking about lamp oil? Fish oil?
We sure did expect it though, didn't we?

You fail again, Professor Umbridge.
No, I know about Kermit Roosevelt overthrowing the elected government and installing the Shah in Iran.
All the live-long day.
Don't we see that every year?
All in December?
Strange that you didn't foresee the re-escalation in Afghanistan.
"Lending at the biggest U.S. banks has fallen more sharply than realized, despite government efforts to pump billions of dollars into the financial sector." ~The Wall Street Journal, 2009
"The tally of bank failures easily broke past the No. 100 milestone on Friday night, with regulators announcing the year's 106th closure. That's more than four times the number that were closed in 2008..." ~CNN Money, 2009
"I mean, when the party I predicted gets into the White House..."
In 2009?
With Brooks Garner. Brooks?

(Not really funny. He's just my old roommate.)
You're a psychic. Aren't you supposed to just know?
Yes, I'm sure somewhere "the islands" will have bad weather. Thank you.
"The 2009 Atlantic hurricane season was below average in activity, with a total of nine named storms and three hurricanes. For the first time since 2006, no storm brought hurricane force winds to the United States..." ~Wikipedia

"The 2009 Atlantic hurricane season was below average in activity, with a total of nine named storms and three hurricanes. For the first time since 2006, no storm brought hurricane force winds to the United States..." ~Wikipedia
"...she telephoned a psychic."
Capped by Space Toast
YouTubeCapper.Blogspot.com

02.13.2010 22:14

>Run Fight Magic

>HP: 0

The YouTube Captioning Thing Upgraded

File Under: /web/caption

I've added a second mode to the YouTube Captioning Thing. The original version allowed you to create a running commentary beneath any embeddable YouTube video. The new version has a second mode where the captions appear directly on top of the video. Here's a demo:

peZqaHd06xk
You need Flash player 8+ and JavaScript enabled to view this video.
The original Lloyd Thaxton was a retired Grand Rapids machinist who would stand in a long raincoat and leer at the camera for an hour a day. His program ran from 1952-1960.
Back when you had to be drunk to work as a television announcer.
"With a sound as gay as their sportcoats!"

*crowd cheers*
The escalation in Vietnam?
"And other pop culture cliche crap! DAMMIT, JACK, WHERE'D YOU-? Oh, it's in my hand..."
Thank god we invented teen sex.
What's Dorothy doing back there? The Funky Mashed Chicken Potato?
This is what the hep crowd would be doing on a Friday night if Strom Thurmond had won the Presidency.
Where?
That's Lake Michigan.
Well, there are a few.
I thought you said there wasn't a cloud in the sky.
.
o
O
(Two more verses! I can make it!)
*puff puff*
The abandoned mortuary?
Maybe the old vomit factory?
Oh! The weird church on the dump road, in that trailer.
Over... over here now, dude.
Hello?
.
o
O
(It can't be my healthy 3-pack-a-day habit, why am I so beat?)
Gomez Adams: Bandleader
The grand tradition of American songs that use up their material in 90 seconds but just keep f*cking going.
Thinking about Rayon dress pants on a bicycle seat, I hope this guy didn't have balls when he started doing this.
Dorothy, what are you doing?
Wait, he's not really singing!
"WE'RE EASILY ENTERTAINED!"
"Anyone got some Gold Bond?"
"...he'll never work in this business again."
That's the choke.
Christian Bale, Nixon Youth
"Ixnay on your ex-life-say."
"David, I understand you're warehoused at the vocational school..."
"Michelle, you're not any part negro are you? It doesn't work on negros."
"The same."
*jing jing!*
Do the faggoty little ribbons come with it?
"--and fight."
Wait, what?
Is this Britain during the rationing?
"But none for you, Dorothy -- I said 'dancers.'"
"CANNED GOODS!"
And the teenagers rebel by going away.
Capped by Space Toast
YouTubeCapper.Blogspot.com

02.07.2010 14:50

>Run Fight Magic

>HP: 0

Korean Hangul Cheat Sheet

File Under: /language



This is a cheat sheet for cramming the basic phonemes of Korean. It's a printable PDF, and a first draft. I've noted the approximate sounds in English and Hindi, because Hindi has a better phonetic alphabet. It's mostly based on this guy's YouTube video. (He doesn't give his name, and I'm not going to look for it.) I number the order of the phonemes in the syllable blocks, rather than using his LRB/TMB system. Corrections welcome.

02.06.2010 22:08

>Run Fight Magic

>HP: 0

Panorama: The Eddy, Wiscasset, ME

File Under: /sketchbook/panos

Stitched together in Hugin from 17 camera phone pictures. Miller Cylindrical projection.

02.03.2010 20:07

>Run Fight Magic

>HP: 0

Panorama: Breakwater in Winter

File Under: /sketchbook/panos

Rockland, ME. A much balmier 20°, but breezy.

Stitched together in Hugin from 13 camera phone pictures. Stereographic projection.

02.01.2010 08:47

>Run Fight Magic

>HP: 0

Panorama: Stepped Brook

File Under: /sketchbook/panos

Union, ME. Air temperature about 10° F.

Stitched together in Hugin from 24 camera phone pictures. Stereographic projection.

01.31.2010 19:42

>Run Fight Magic

>HP: 0

The Fiddlers of Rome

File Under: /culture

Sneering, populist climate science denialism from a self-described Libertarian is nothing shocking, but it should be a bit beneath the New York Times science page. I'm beginning to think the best thing to do is just to sneer back, and keep asking questions about those lovely secondhand robes they've bought from the Emperor.

Leaving aside the question of whether libertarian philosophy is even flexible enough to mount a response to a problem with personalized rewards but socialized consequences, let's make sure we understand why this is denialism, and not skepticism. Climate change "denialism" relies not on a single set of arguments, but on several tiers, whose only commonality is a defense of inaction on the issue:

  1. I don't "believe" in climate change, because of X,Y, Z
  2. If you show that X,Y,Z are invalid, I will find new arguments U,V,W
  3. If you demolish U,V,W, I will say that even if climate change is happening, there is no evidence that it is anthropogenic because of A,B,C
  4. A,B,C become D,E,F through the same process that produced U,V,W
  5. When D,E,F fall, I will argue that there's no evidence that it will be harmful
  6. When harm is shown, I will pass the buck to the next generation, assuming they will invent some whiz-bang technology to reverse the damage
  7. Why, under libertarian philosophy, anyone in the future would undertake a massive program whose only benefits are social will remain unasked; presumably in the future Libertarians will remain a fringe minority

The scientific consensus on plate tectonics is about as old as I am. It's been around much longer than that, much like our understanding of the greenhouse effect. To certain generations of Americans, though, the Earth never moved. The geological revolution was a boon to oil and gas exploration, and the free market as a whole. If modern climate science had such a rosy picture to offer, would such an unfortunate gap have ever been opened in the last ten years between scientific consensus and public perception?

01.26.2010 10:22

>Run Fight Magic

>HP: 0

Retired Addiction

File Under: /housekeeping/addictions

Logicomix: An Epic Search for Truth

Does a book listing all non-self-referential books contain itself? A book about the founding of modern logic has no right to be such a compulsive page-turner.

01.26.2010 10:21

>Run Fight Magic

>HP: 0

Carry On

File Under: /culture

No existential threat to the civilized world exists from fundamentalist terrorists. We do not call the madman Emperor, and we do not call the criminal Nemesis. Were terrorists able to threaten the existence of our values, the existence of our institutions of law, or even the lives of any great portion of us, they would not require the tools of cowardice. If Cheney, Beck, Limbaugh, Palin or O'Reilly will argue otherwise, let them do so, and let them stand against evidence. Fear will always be sold cheap by shameful men. Defend reason. Keep calm, and carry on.

01.21.2010 08:11

>Run Fight Magic

>HP: 0

The Sci Fi Channel

File Under: /film

01.18.2010 12:49

>Run Fight Magic

>HP: 0

Spaceships

File Under: /sketchbook/fiction

If you don't have artificial gravity, science fiction starts to look more like the age of schooners. To get from place to place in the solar system it'd be necessary to accelerate halfway, turn around and decelerate for the rest of the trip. Accelerating or decelerating at more than the equivalent rate of Earth gravity (9.8m/s) would be difficult for the crew to withstand for long. Jupiter is about 983 million km from Earth at its nearest point. If I'm doing the math right (and I'm probably not) accelerating halfway at 9.8m/s would take 158 hours -- about 6½ days. The full trip would take two weeks.

Laser weapons are a must. You'd only be able to see them when they shoot through gas or dust, but when it comes to shooting from one moving platform and hitting another on a logarithmic scale you won't get much time to aim. A projectile would deliver more energy with less expended, but a powerful lazer would be able to vaporize or nudge it out of the way. Opponents would basically joust on a split-second timeframe, trying to pass momentarily close enough for their computers to shoot. Ships would be no more than specks to one another, usually less. Forget about human combat.

Until someone tells me what exactly an "energy shield" would be, we'll have to assume that surviving a lazer attack means thick, dense plating all over the ship. If a lazer can vaporize a few cubic meters of hull in one shot, you'd better have a lot of hull to spare. It should be shiny too. Getting hit with a lazer might lead to some pretty refractions.

One last thought: Get used to the solar system. It takes light from the sun (which doesn't have to accelerate) eight minutes to reach Earth, four hours to reach Neptune, and four years to reach the nearest star -- itself a burnt-out red dwarf, Proxima Centauri.

Blowing some of the cobwebs out of scifi tropes, fiction begins to slip into unfamiliar grooves.

01.11.2010 19:21

>Run Fight Magic

>HP: 0

YouTube Captioning: Morning Musume - Onna ni Sachi Are

File Under: /web/caption

Many more captioned YouTube videos at YouTubeCapper.Blogspot.com. Create your own here.

bQfXefRVjGQ
You need Flash player 8+ and JavaScript enabled to view this video.
Average Ages
Morning Musume: 20
Tanpopo: 17
Berryz Kobo: 16
°C-ute: 15

(You're welcome.)
Oh god, this is one of those sh*tty uploads where the sound is out of sync, isn't it?
The director's concept this time: "King Kong before the monkey shows up."
Hugh wooed Heaney
That's all garlic?
Condone cool weed. Neat, a wigwam
Elephant, no, Coochie Goosy
"Mother may we," we know the rules
Let me tell her, Miss Asinine
God an emo, meet sinners armed
Sure you can't debug Camino, why could she?
Gnu, gnu, sheep, pig
Ya, I know 9-pin
BACKHAND ME!
BACKHAND ME!
BACKHAND ME!
Double sheeting
I know Tony
Don't let it travel on the back of me!
Yoghurt is yummy today!
I want him to cower
Sh*t I was saying you could do well
Day old Dominos
In Jew movie saloons
The cartoons
I'd like to go today
My outfit tangled a sardine
Oh, and I need some cheap art, eh?
I sat here, you know buddy
First bridge, and I'm still not sure about the sound sync.
I suppose if straight men costumed them they wouldn't be wearing anything...
Took her eating
A coke girly
Jenny mooned you? Dude, that's your car
With those sheep they "knew" Killarney
I let them in, he says she said
I'm damn near shaking
Murdered Nietzsche
Took her emo nail like a shiv
She's out busted -- Eee! -- to tomb I laid the cow
Aladdin, Nemo -- get your cousins
BACKHAND ME!
BACKHAND ME!
BACKHAND ME!
I'm no condom
Eat your curry
Now can you see I'm no amateur?
Your eyes allow me to neck
A-A-e-choo! Cool wad
Sh*t, I was saying you could do well
Someone should docket her
Cool comb-over, Harry
So can you
Our life's so cold today
Why does she care you cooked her lab?
Oh -- mmm -- I need some cheap art, eh
I sang here. You're normal, eh?
What does a boa do exactly?
This is a weird version of Chicken Little.
I can't tell what's bad choreography, what's bad costuming, and what's bad lighting.
Allow me to cavort
She-Owl was sent to cool the world
Deal out those dominos
And to your own bitch, salut
Chicken, mmm!
I'll have some coke-odin
Mad Hatter thinks of us as Eve
Odin, I need the chief RA
Outside here you're normal, eh?
I'm ready to go'way
Sh*t, hours singing your cool new wail
So won't you die, killer?
A true cover headache
Suck it, do
A lesser coma day
Why don't you care, you crooked liar?
Oh what a nasal, cheap "artist"
Outside here you're nobody
"A monkey?"
"MY monkey!"
"Her monkey?"
"Which monkey?"
"That monkey."
"Monkey."
"Monkey."
"MONKEY!"
Incoming 747!





Capped by Space Toast
YouTubeCapper.Blogspot.com

01.06.2010 20:18

>Run Fight Magic

>HP: 0

Maxwell

File Under: /sketchbook

01.04.2010 20:54

>Run Fight Magic

>HP: 0