The Space Toast Pages

Matthew Rasmussen's journal of journals on various topics of interest, published here, there or somewhere since 1999.

YouTube Captioning: Duck and Cover

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And to the sound of the Dumb Dumb song, we welcome you to a classic piece of WTF.

The Allegory of Bertrand Russell

Clearly.

Wh-? Where did-?!
Oh god, the monkey was a suicide bomber!

♫ He didn't speak unless spoken to...

"FOR THE CAUSE -!"

*bits of dead monkey begin to fall*

"Plod along mindlessly, and withdraw within yourself when there's unrest."

*instinctively mashes the Top Menu button*

"...any unathorized rebroadcast, retransmission, or relocation without the express written consent of the Civil Defense Administration is prohibited."

I think Bert's pretty much "out" already.

"You're a puss."

Scenes from "Burt the Turtle Fights VD"

Emotionally?

Sometimes monkeys just blow themselves up.

"Under my hairpiece, children."

But do we understand its needs?

"Such as school desegregation."

Alert the FBI if you see anyone talking to unknown fires in your neighborhood.

Hitler!

"If you ever need to drill a fire."

"Herbie: Fully Loaded" should be avoided at all costs.

"Our ragamuffins shall protect us from the cars."

Or risk suburban ostracism.

Pre-Tweens

Chances are you won't.

If you're not lucky enough to be vaporized instantly.

Or will again.

Miss Rumphius: Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

"Burn your shadow into the pavement..."

"It can menace people near drugstores, and smoke marijuana."

Please. Bert is boiled like a sweet in there.

"Oh yeah. Oh god yeah."

Did you know your homeowner policy doesn't cover atomic brinksmanship?

Shame-wise

With your face?

Cover your back with your septum.

"Isn't this f*cking bullsh*t? Wouldn't we f*cking die anyway?"

"Shut the f*ck up, Betty."

Sometimes you will see the monkey, sometimes you will not.

"Permission to go faster, sir."

"PBS. No, the Mrs. Slocum's Pussy tote bag is at the $200 level."

"Does that look like an atomic bomb to you?"

You may be playing with yourself when the signal comes.

FASTER! TRAMPLE EACH OTHER, YOU F*CKERS! THE WEAK WILL NOT REPRODUCE UNDER THE NEW ORDER!

"Galactus!"

In your perfectly pressed suit.

Near the liqueur cabinet.

If you're in Chinatown...

"It's in my soundproofed apartment, right up there..."

"Let go of my elbow."

"Forget it, baby. It's... Chinatown."

"...you may encounter a Beatnik."

"Me?"

Unless you're The Flash.

"When they dump your books, dive into a fetal position, screaming like a little girl. Watch..."

"Ugod! Wah! Stopit! Stopit! Aaugh!"

"See how he's wet himself?"

"That'll keep them from stuffing you in the janitor's cart."

"Expect them to spit on you. Fortunately, no one can jack off fast enough to soil you in that manner."

I'll take my chances with the bomb, thank you.

Except the room itself.

"IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD, KIDS! INCEST! DRUGS! WAAAH! HA HA HA HA!"

"...they'll never live down the shame."

"Out of my way, b*tch!"

"Too bad they won't be around to enjoy it."

"A feeble attempt, really."

"Future civilizations will be amused by the shapes they leave in the half-molten topsoil."

GAH! They are!

Did she put her head through the cladding?

Or her head will be preserved, anyway.

"Tony regularly wets the bed as a result. Tony's dad beats him."

Tony, can I recommend the other side of the wall?

Tony thinks that if he can't see the shockwave, it can't see him.

"Notice how he weeps, and curses Oppenheimer."

Any unnecessary rubbing or thrusting he does is condoned by the United States Government.

"He's armed, so be careful of him in the ensuing anarchy."

"No matter how mad his demands."

The armored schoolbus

"Has it ever been cleaned down here?!"

"The glass may melt and splash across your body, casting your final scream in a hideous crystalline death mask."

"Stop eating the cooking fuel!"

If they know what's good for them.

Or they believe it, and that's the important bit for civil control.

As long as it's made of 3" thick lead.

"Which shouldn't be much of anywhere, or you'll just be getting what's coming to you, you slut."

That could have gone so many kinds of wrong.

"In all likelihood, falling structures will do this for you."

"Seriously, what the f*ck?"

"Review the life flashing before your eyes, as the air fills with a sound and smell of sizzling bacon."

"...lose that virginity fast."

Kill every monkey you see.

Don't call him Barry Allen?

Next from Astoria Public Schools, don't miss "It's a M.A.D., M.A.D., M.A.D., M.A.D. Cold War."

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YouTube Captioning: Sylvia Browne's Predictions for 2009 (Part 1)

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We were. Let's see how you did.

You're not going to change them after the fact like you do on your website, are you?

Book sales down, Syl?

"Ribbit."

Puff puff. Pass. Prophecy. Prevaricate.

That wasn't the first one?

YOU'RE NOT A FRAUD!

Yes yes, my liberal sensibilities are sufficiently buttered up. Can we move on to the predictions?

Everyone expected the December interest rate cut you're referring to, and there was no cut in all of 2009.

Mexican labor?

And many things we don't.

Are we talking about lamp oil? Fish oil?

We sure did expect it though, didn't we?

You fail again, Professor Umbridge.

No, I know about Kermit Roosevelt overthrowing the elected government and installing the Shah in Iran.

All the live-long day.

Don't we see that every year?

All in December?

Strange that you didn't foresee the re-escalation in Afghanistan.

"Lending at the biggest U.S. banks has fallen more sharply than realized, despite government efforts to pump billions of dollars into the financial sector." ~The Wall Street Journal, 2009

"The tally of bank failures easily broke past the No. 100 milestone on Friday night, with regulators announcing the year's 106th closure. That's more than four times the number that were closed in 2008..." ~CNN Money, 2009

"I mean, when the party I predicted gets into the White House..."

In 2009?

With Brooks Garner. Brooks?

(Not really funny. He's just my old roommate.)

You're a psychic. Aren't you supposed to just know?

Yes, I'm sure somewhere "the islands" will have bad weather. Thank you.

"The 2009 Atlantic hurricane season was below average in activity, with a total of nine named storms and three hurricanes. For the first time since 2006, no storm brought hurricane force winds to the United States..." ~Wikipedia

"The 2009 Atlantic hurricane season was below average in activity, with a total of nine named storms and three hurricanes. For the first time since 2006, no storm brought hurricane force winds to the United States..." ~Wikipedia

"...she telephoned a psychic."

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The YouTube Captioning Thing Upgraded

I've added a second mode to the YouTube Captioning Thing. The original version allowed you to create a running commentary beneath any embeddable YouTube video. The new version has a second mode where the captions appear directly on top of the video. Here's a demo:

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The original Lloyd Thaxton was a retired Grand Rapids machinist who would stand in a long raincoat and leer at the camera for an hour a day. His program ran from 1952-1960.

Back when you had to be drunk to work as a television announcer.

"With a sound as gay as their sportcoats!"

*crowd cheers*

The escalation in Vietnam?

"And other pop culture cliche crap! DAMMIT, JACK, WHERE'D YOU-? Oh, it's in my hand..."

Thank god we invented teen sex.

What's Dorothy doing back there? The Funky Mashed Chicken Potato?

This is what the hep crowd would be doing on a Friday night if Strom Thurmond had won the Presidency.

Where?

That's Lake Michigan.

Well, there are a few.

I thought you said there wasn't a cloud in the sky.

.
o
O
(Two more verses! I can make it!)
*puff puff*

The abandoned mortuary?

Maybe the old vomit factory?

Oh! The weird church on the dump road, in that trailer.

Over... over here now, dude.

Hello?

.
o
O
(It can't be my healthy 3-pack-a-day habit, why am I so beat?)

Gomez Adams: Bandleader

The grand tradition of American songs that use up their material in 90 seconds but just keep f*cking going.

↑

Thinking about Rayon dress pants on a bicycle seat, I hope this guy didn't have balls when he started doing this.

Dorothy, what are you doing?

Wait, he's not really singing!

"WE'RE EASILY ENTERTAINED!"

"Anyone got some Gold Bond?"

"...he'll never work in this business again."

That's the choke.

Christian Bale, Nixon Youth↑

"Ixnay on your ex-life-say."

"David, I understand you're warehoused at the vocational school..."

"Michelle, you're not any part negro are you? It doesn't work on negros."

"The same."

*jing jing!*

Do the faggoty little ribbons come with it?

"--and fight."

Wait, what?

Is this Britain during the rationing?

"But none for you, Dorothy -- I said 'dancers.'"

"CANNED GOODS!"

And the teenagers rebel by going away.

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YouTube Captioning: Morning Musume - Onna ni Sachi Are

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YouTube Captioning: "In Search Of... Atlantis" (Part 2 of 3.)

This is part 2 of a roundtable captioning project between myself and contributors KKDW and TheDiva. Part 1, captioned by KKDW, can be found on the YouTube Captioning blog. TheDiva's part 3 will appear there as well. Many more captioned YouTube videos -- including our first completed feature film, courtesy of TheDiva -- may be found at YouTubeCapper.Blogspot.com. Create your own here.

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But could it run Doom?

When was the first non-sequitur invented?

(Except the stuff that is like it.)

Plato's metaphorical Atlantis...

"Ruined"

Maybe it was mixed in from another puzzle. Are any of your other puzzles missing a piece?

In an analogy, for instance...

"Beyond" in which direction?

Santorini must lie to the west, in the Atlantic ocean?

"But first, I'd like to sing a little song about the most famousest of all hobbits..."

YOU BLEW IT UP! YOU MANIACS!

These fish were once cockerel.

And impossible, if you're a Conservative.

Obsolete Science Bingo

Lamarckism	Miasma Theory	Telegony	Vital Essence Theory	Emission Theory of Vision
Aristotelian Gravity	Aether	Plum Pudding Model	Rutherford Model	Geocentrism
Newtonian Gravity	Steady State Theory	FREE God SPACE	Flat Earth Theory	Hollow Earth
Catastrophism	Expanding Earth Theory	Creationism	Land Bridge Theory	Freudian Dream Symbolism
Humours Theory of Disease	Homeopathy	Phrenology	Alchemy	Psi

Obsolete Science Bingo

Lamarckism	Miasma Theory	Telegony	Vital Essence Theory	Emission Theory of Vision
Aristotelian Gravity	Aether	Plum Pudding Model	Rutherford Model	Geocentrism
Newtonian Gravity	Steady State Theory	FREE God SPACE	Flat Earth Theory	Hollow Earth
Catastrophism	Expanding Earth Theory	Creationism	Land Bridge Theory	Freudian Dream Symbolism
Humours Theory of Disease	Homeopathy	Phrenology	Alchemy	Psi

Is ANYONE else seeing the giant loaf of uncooked bread dough?

Only to be wined, dined and disappointed, and left with a disease.

"And he stresses that it's for sale."

Like love.

I'm beginning to trust Dr. Ashur less and less.

So we sit and draw pictures for the tourists.

"And that they might have artificially inseminated cattle."

"But you're mean, and I'm not showing it to you."

Obsolete Science Bingo

Lamarckism	Miasma Theory	Telegony	Vital Essence Theory	Emission Theory of Vision
Aristotelian Gravity	Aether	Plum Pudding Model	Rutherford Model	Geocentrism
Newtonian Gravity	Steady State Theory	FREE God SPACE	Flat Earth Theory	Hollow Earth
Catastrophism	Expanding Earth Theory	Creationism	Land Bridge Theory	Freudian Dream Symbolism
Humours Theory of Disease	Homeopathy	Phrenology	Alchemy	Psi

Obsolete Science Bingo

Lamarckism	Miasma Theory	Telegony	Vital Essence Theory	Emission Theory of Vision
Aristotelian Gravity	Aether	Plum Pudding Model	Rutherford Model	Geocentrism
Newtonian Gravity	Steady State Theory	FREE God SPACE	Flat Earth Theory	Hollow Earth
Catastrophism	Expanding Earth Theory	Creationism	Land Bridge Theory	Freudian Dream Symbolism
Humours Theory of Disease	Homeopathy	Phrenology	Alchemy	Psi

"The E.U."

Obsolete Science Bingo

Lamarckism	Miasma Theory	Telegony	Vital Essence Theory	Emission Theory of Vision
Aristotelian Gravity	Aether	Plum Pudding Model	Rutherford Model	Geocentrism
Newtonian Gravity	Steady State Theory	FREE God SPACE	Flat Earth Theory	Hollow Earth
Catastrophism	Expanding Earth Theory	Creationism	Land Bridge Theory	Freudian Dream Symbolism
Humours Theory of Disease	Homeopathy	Phrenology	Alchemy	Psi

Obsolete Science Bingo

Lamarckism	Miasma Theory	Telegony	Vital Essence Theory	Emission Theory of Vision
Aristotelian Gravity	Aether	Plum Pudding Model	Rutherford Model	Geocentrism
Newtonian Gravity	Steady State Theory	FREE God SPACE	Flat Earth Theory	Hollow Earth
Catastrophism	Expanding Earth Theory	Creationism	Land Bridge Theory	Freudian Dream Symbolism
Humours Theory of Disease	Homeopathy	Phrenology	Alchemy	Psi

"And the Smiling Freak."

Thousands more equally vague predictions that couldn't be shoehorned into anything are kept in a U-Store-It downtown.

Both vaguely.

No, when he was very sick, he predicted his death within the next four days.

Who didn't?

No, a death of a President... sometime.

And other loopy sh*t.

He was wrong.

When did he write "I'm Your Boogie Man"?

So not in '68 or '69, and not involving any geological upheavals then?

"...In the Atlantic."

This is the only somewhat regular-looking bit, by the way.

Groupers!

"Leonard, must you work huge white bottoms into every single script?"

"Shut it! And get me another f***ing Gandalf robe."

"And in other places with similar geology."

1. STFU
2. GTFO

3. They're the teeth of a giant space hippopotamus.

4. After Eight mints... OF THE GODS!

5. Some madman has leaked the secret of T-squares to the coral.

What could go wrong?

And the candlestick maker.

"Nothing gay happened."

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YouTube Captioning: Morning Musume - Kanashimi Twilight

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YouTube Captioning: Jungle Girl: Chapter 1, Death by Voodoo!

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Hey Edgar, if you're just phoning it in these days, could you add some more tits? Thanks.

Starring
NOT ENTIRELY JOAN CRAWFORD

Starring
PUFF McMANMUSCLE

Starring
GOMER PYLE

And Featuring
DICK COCKY and WET STAINES

With
ONIONHEAD KLINGER and the BLACKFACE KID

A
DAVID DUKE
Production

Next Exit
GAS
FOOD
LODGING

Scene 3½

"Then how do we know about them?"

"Better schools," if you know what I mean. Posh assholes.

"An invisible plane!"

WE - MUST - STOP - WONDER - WOMAN - AT - ALL - COSTS

Speak of the devil...

Not so much scenes as notions.

Tag out.

"...monkey screwing little sh*t."

Marooned in the jungle with nothing but her wits and a book of Marks & Spencer dress patterns...

"In that python."

Shouldn't it have passed over by now?

Relax, they're just having a tailgate party.

Hands above your waist while running, that's a good girl.

JUNGLE GIRL!

"Jennifer Connelly too."

"Mom said it might get cold."

*thunk*

"Ow!"

It's been three seconds.

"If you know what I mean."

This'll be easy to smooth over.

Eventually...

Days later...

It makes you wonder why he didn't think of that.

Clearly, this is not southern California...

"How did you get here?"

"I think I know what you mean..."

Scene 17¼

Scene 17.999999999...

"If you know what I mean."

"That's my line!"

"If you... *cough*... know what I mean...."

"Well, besides that fiver..."

"Exposed her to fresh air, sunshine, and regular physical activity!"

Why is there a giant ear behind him?

Ice cream!

Well, he's secured TARP funds.

"Give up? A Hypocritical Oaf. Get it? Oh, I've got thousands of them."

"You just go start the plane..."

"Classic sitcom rules. Good."

"Stanton's not the sharpest pecker in the wood, if you... well, you know."

"Condoms..."

He should get some spackle for that wall back there too.

*click*

"You there! Are you chosen from the bravest men of the tribe?"

"No."

"See? Lying guards."

"Step through this awkward edit and I'll show you."

Did you get all that? It might be important later in the episode. Does anyone need a pencil?

"That should be enough white rice."

Anything?

"That shouldn't cause a problem."

PUSH IN

PUSH IN

PUSH IN

PUSH IN

PUSH IN

PUSH IN

PUSH IN

PUSH IN

PUSH IN

PUSH IN

PUSH IN

PUSH IN

PUSH IN

PUSH IN

PUSH IN

PUSH IN

PUSH IN

PUSH IN

Of course he does. You're playing him too, aren't you?

"...foxtrot."

"...freely exploitable workforce!"

Edited by a cokehead with his own used razor blades.

( JUNGLE GIRL! )

She'd probably laugh at the notion of a villain named "Bradley."

"Mercury is in retrograde!"

For what?

Even gunning people down he's got that hangdog "just finished masturbating" look.

(An even sillier sounding name than "Bradley.")

"What? Hey, that's brilliant!"

"I'll use my milkshake to bring them to the-"

"Don't put that in my head."

=0_0=

Man, the original Fitzcarraldo sucked.

JUNGLE GIRL!

At this point we're editing just to make it end sooner.

"Who?"

"What?"

"How?"

"Where?"

"Why?"

"Who cares?"

"Beat it!"

♬ ...you believe in life after love... ♬

They might as well be hiding behind a rack of postcards.

Their bow and arrows must have all jammed.

.oO(My friggin' hero)

ANTICIPATE

FOLLOW THROUGH

If you liked the daring stunts in 'West Side Story'...

"She should be cooked through."

"Well, I was burned to death, but..."

"What? What were you f*cknuts DOING out here!?!"

"To get knackered."

That we... saw.

(What spear?)Oo.

*BAMF*

"I'm here now!"

Chirpa? The chief of the ewoks?

Ooh. Awkward.

"Prepare to be nimble!"

"How fascinating."

"My nuts!"

NEXT WEEK
Chapter Two
A NIGHT ON SPLASH MOUNTAIN

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YouTube Captioning: How to Build a Large Family

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.oO(That... bitch...)

"...for sex."

It's strangely hard to scrub the bullshit smell from a hyphenated URL.

"...or sobriety, or even the inclination..."

Often?

A) Family planning  C) Rupert Grint        

B) Bacon            D) Their daughters seek
                        to fill the loveless
                   void by getting
                    knocked up at 15

Wait, what? Back up...

?

?

?

?

?

?

?

"Building a warren of tents and shacks, if necessary."

"Somehow."

(Just not one-on-one.)

"...you try to remember their names..."

That is a dangerous twitch.

"Or help them with their homework. Which is good, because most of you probably can neither read nor write."

"Just take it! Take it, bitch! F*CK FOR JESUS! *sob* Daddy, stop hitting Mommy..."

You get a phone call in prison.

"...shepherds them, if you will..."

"Mommy, I have a nail in my head."

"Stop being so needy and demanding, dear."

Unlike your husband, a tool who doesn't work.

"But what do I know? I'm just a woman."

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YouTube Captioning: Theta Healing

More at YouTubeCapper.Blogspot.com, including TheDiva's continuing riffs on true WTF masterpiece Titanic: The Animated Movie, and KKDW's fun with a brand new skit from "Horrible Histories." Create your own here.

YouTube Captioning: The Wizard of Oz (1933)

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God it pisses me off when people caption their own videos.

(Had you been reading the text above the grey box, you would have been bored and irritated too.)

I prefer my films in fully archival bubblegun card format, thank you very much.

He's a wonderful god?

(In the days before Wikipedia, people could be awarded entire posthumous generalships based on a misheard syllable.)

Hard to imagine how negro music could have taken the country by storm with jams like that floating around.

Dorothy, your, um... are showing...

"Throw this set of hex wrenches for me!"

Much better. Thank you!

No! Dammit.

(This sucks. I wonder what Emma Goldman's up to?)Oo.

Senator?

"Palpatine! Brutus! Cunningham! It's a twister!"

Hey, it took out the fence twice.

"I'm tasting the rainbow!"

"How come I'm not in color now!?"

Oh dear god.

"What am I feeling?"

"Why, that's just my turkey in the straw, little lady."

"Are... are you okay? Can glimpsing my panties help in any way?"

Man! Now how is he going to steal immortality from those who have returned to revenge his wrongs?

It won't last.

You were doing this at home!

Whore.

*crack*

"Oh god, my head! My f***ing head!"

"A piece of outsider art!"

"Oh, I simply must have it."

"Hand me your bolt cutters."

And Toto survives another assassination attempt.

Eh! That's crotch straw.

"I always knew you were stuffing, Scarecrow."

Yes, the horrible munchkins had left the Tin Man to rust within sight of the Emerald City -- perhaps as a warning to others.

Even the frame wants to see the wizard.

Oh god, bendyneck animation...

That was mercifully brief.

But now on to more animals doing it.

"Our corrupted eyes see through all blinds, children."

"Oh yes! Oh god yes! Shove that thoraxial spur in, you f***ing wasp!

"That on was still in your cooch!"

"What a horrible spectacle."

"What's that, Toto? Timmy the munchkin fell down a posthole?"

"IDs out, please."

Welcome. Please enjoy this sin against nature.

"Actually, it's spelled -I-E."

"How many centipede dogs do you think we have?"

Yay! It's Edwin Meese.

(Too sexy for my brass... Oh yeah you want this ass...)Oo.

I guess I don't remember the Flintstonian use of crows in the books.

"Throw them on the pyre to appease the Wizard! Hooray!"

Please god make it stop.

"I'm a horse of a different sanity."

"Why are we cheering these people again?"

"I totally hit that first!"

(That's what he thinks!)Oo.

"Since your fat ass fell out midair, the house missed my sister by a hundred yards! Hooray!"

The Wizard is defended by some effed up sh*t.

Do they do this for everyone who happens into the city, or just the real freaks?

If we have to endure this much Dorothy pantie, can they at least be Judy Garland's?

(PERSPECTIVE)

Wow, the original wizard couldn't disappear for a frame.

"Fresh meat! The hunger of the void is never sated."

The all-powerful wizard doesn't even have a matching set of chairs?

"Don't mind the electrical humming -- sit!"

= Comedy

So less a Wonderful Wizard than a Bar Mitzvah Magician.

...and they somehow find a way to turn it into crotches.

"Come play with us, Dorothy!"
"Come play with us, Dorothy!"
"Come play with us, Dorothy!"
"Come play with us, Dorothy!"
"Come play with us, Dorothy!"
"Come play with us, Dorothy!"
"Come play with us, Dorothy!"
"Come play with us, Dorothy!"

"We wish the WORLD into the Cornfield!"
"We wish the WORLD into the Cornfield!"
"We wish the WORLD into the Cornfield!"
"We wish the WORLD into the Cornfield!"
"We wish the WORLD into the Cornfield!"
"We wish the WORLD into the Cornfield!"
"We wish the WORLD into the Cornfield!"
"We wish the WORLD into the Cornfield!"

How is this mathematically possible?

If not for the heroic work of the WPA, American humor to this day might consist of little more than balloon people and buffalo shots.

The theory of Quantum Chromodynamics, ladies and gentlemen.

If ever oh ever a wizz there was, this is not it.

"Now fer the good schtuff!

.oO(Antifreeze!)

Well, good thing that went nowhere.

I knew evolution couldn't explain the Wuzzles.

So far I'm counting an orgy between a chicken, a giraffe, a gorilla, a stork, an elephant, a lion and a dragon.

Just eat that chicken -- it's genetically diseased, and it's goddamn insane.

"Toto! Why do you have to ruin all of my dates?"

"Wainscoting!"

You know what? Next time Toto waits in the car.

TIN MAN
STR: 8 / DEX: 5 / HRT: 0
CAN EQUIP: MELE
BONUS: AX +5
WEAKNESS: RUST

A thought he already broke his ax.

We've got a minute left -- shouldn't a plot have developed by now?

Even the Wizard wears grannie panties in this. What is he, Mormon?

All around the mulberry bush/
The honkies chased the beagle...

.oO(I lost them! Part one of my fiendish plan is complete.)

SCARECROW
STR: 2 / DEX: 7 / BRN: 0
NO MELE DAMAGE
WEAKNESS: FIRE
BONUS WITH: TIN MAN, MRS KING

...and that's where babies come from.

*Toto pounces and snaps its neck*

Did the explosion kill her other disease-spawned children?

Who's rocking the shell?

It is?

What is this, the manga version? That's the inside cover!

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YouTube Captioning: Conspiracy Theory: Did We Land on the Moon? Part 1

This was a collaboration between cappers KKDW, TheDiva and myself.

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Manbags

In fact, they're mostly mistaken assumptions and half-assed guilt by association.

You are all individuals.

Why doesn't Fox News carry that disclaimer anymore?

IN A WORLD where rockets are shot into space...

The final episode of M*A*S*H*?

Okay. I don't believe it.

"The whole relationship, just the failed gamble of two people desperate not to be seen alone."

Paper or plastic?

Or whatever else we can find.

"The eagle is now picking up a tortoise to drop on that rock over there..."

I'm glad they took the time to interview a guy who thinks he knows everything but doesn't.

Tony Nelson?

Are you trying to tell me that Bush was actually pretending to be a complete idiot?

YOU MAKE THE CALL

[Insert melodrama here]

I hope this ends with Buzz Aldrin punching everyone involved in the face.

"Yeah, it's tied."

And promptly died of suffocation.

"Umm...what comes after nine?"

"I can't get 'Fly Me to the Moon' out of my head, over..."

Wow, it's so vaguely sexual...

Blasted in his face?

With no toilet stops on the way.

"Got really drunk and did some things they never spoke of again..."

"Read a few chapters of The Fountainhead..."

The ladies toilets? A theater showing Mamma Mia?

"No, your other right..."

("Sh***ing Our Pants Base" didn't quite have the same ring to it.)

Yes?

David Attenborough: "And here we see a footprint of the rare and probably endangered Neilius Armstrongius..."

Most of us don't wear tinfoil hats and build survival shelters under our garden sheds.

Now... what were they again?

"Crap, line?"

No, that wasn't it...

♬ ...Leap of faith, leap of faith...

So he knows everything there is to know about astronomy and space travel.

"For instance, we couldn't decide what colour we wanted the rockets to be."

Michael Bay's Apollo 13

Sikh the Truth

^
|
sane

...gave him a tingly feeling.

What channel was he watching?

"I mean, where was all the green cheese?"

"A cat chasing a mouse, and getting beaten up again and again? Preposterous!"

It was Fusie the Star Sprite!

"NOOOOO stars!" *irritating whistle*

It's almost like THE SUN WAS SHINING, you twits!

Waving... wobbling... whatever.

DUN DUN DUN!!!

Okay we admit it, we actually sent a woman!

And quite rightly, too.

"Morons, we call them."

"WE LOVE YOU, FLOCK OF SEAGULLS!"

These people will be found and eliminated.

Umm, they're paranoid and delusional?

Please, our government can't keep the lid on a couple waterboardings, let alone something like this...

"Beep beep! Woo! Aliens are coming, commander! They'll never take us alive, spaceman!"

Until he was fired for being mad as pants.

Please say you're only telling the documentary makers this because it's what they want to hear and you don't believe a word of what you're saying...

"...a ten billion dollar 'NEENER NEENER' at the Reds?"

In order to heal.

To the TARDIS!

People should never assume anything.

"They defined that as killing us all."

The Beanie Baby craze?

"...an America already terrified by the introduction of the Edsel."

Sputnik: Russian for "Daddy Long-Legs"

It carried "NU - C L E - AR" bombs. Get it right, people.

"But this footage of a large explosion says otherwise..."

Crap, are we doing the Watchmen trailer again?

Did these guys know what they were being interviewed for?

These people had been reading too much science-fiction.

Ha-ha, just a little joke from me, the narrator...

"Never tell me the odds!"

You're just making these numbers up as you go along, right?

"...Point zero, zero quillion, to the negative power of, like, infinity..."

Stupid rocket, you're not supposed to explode until you get to Russia!

Please. Tell.

"And the leprechauns never lie to me."

"...where did we get all the receipts?"

Why, through the magic of CGI, of course!

Since there's no way we can pretend it didn't actually happen.

It sent them to Pluto. CHEW ON THAT, CONSPIRACY PUSSIES!

"Hey Neil, if you don't come back can I have your stereo?"

Passing the time with a few games of charades and Zero-G Scrabble.

"...God created reality television, and seeing what He had done sealed it away in the dark places until the coming of the Antitaste."

"...and then Atlantis stole the missing Zapruder footage from the Reptoids."

Scorpio Zero, Capricorn leads the series by two.

So it MUST be true!

"Switch it to the Knicks game!"

"But we're planting an American flag anyway."

Which you already said was filmed AFTER the moon landing! Is NASA hiding a time machine too?

But it isn't.

Producer:
1. Gringo Wedding (2006) (executive producer)
2. Barbarosa (1982) (producer)
3. Hanover Street (1979) (producer)
4. Capricorn One (1978) (producer)
5. Extreme Close-Up (1973) (producer)

Self:
1. Conspiracy Theory: Did We Land on the Moon? (2001) (TV) .... Himself

"I also believe Bigfoot knows where Hoffa's body is."

The pudding is solid?

So let me get this right, they're putting a later piece of fiction forward as evidence that the moon landings were faked?

"...none of us actually had sex..."

Oh please. You can't even make your toupee look convincing.

Tv monitors! It's true!

*klieg light falls on astronaut*

But they somehow forgot the stars. Remember that.

I think you've had enough...

Capped by KKDW, TheDiva and Space Toast
YouTubeCapper.Blogspot.com

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