The Space Toast Pages

YouTube Captioning: Perversion For Profit (1965) (Part 3 of 4)

Sat, 04 Sep 2010 20:37:00 GMT

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[Click here for Part 1] [Click here for Part 2]

"It burns well..."

My diary!

Dan Quinn's Ishmael?

(There are two crap sequels.)

You have a terrible science fair project.

Naruto?

But how did it go otherwise?

Ahh. The sin of pride...

I texted, "LOL MRDRD OLD MAN??.? SUP W U?"

Or, played a fair amount of Street Fighter II Alpha anyway.

[*ED- Is that what the kids say? "Cooled?" ***DELETE THIS** **]

He won a sculling race by rowing an old man?

Kid tested. Motherf*cker approved.

Oh George Putnam, you missed your calling.

M is for marijuana. The author is making up lingo.

H is for heroine. David Bowie is scary.

Plus it's hard to snort a horse.

He's really getting into this...

"...bicycle."

Even if it's a girly bike.

Brainier than Margaret Warner?

"...or Gilligan."

Oh, and I hear lots of people get their kicks on Route 66 too.

Shakespeare made it work.

Shakespeare made that work too.

"More from Bill O'Reilly's Those Who Trespass next week."

"F*ck Alaska."

And you've succeeded.

"...a purple elephant."

Seriously. There were some great tits in the last two segments.

CLOSE UP

But it can be yours at the $150 level.
Call 1-800-PUT-PORN to make a pledge!

"The O'Reilly Factor, for instance."

Not really, no.

.
o
O
( DAMN erection! )

Nor want to.

So stop exposing your children!

"...and need a scapegoat."

Always have a licensed jeweler verify your birth.

Better not tell Aneurism Dad what the Pentagon spends.

"...but in coupons."

How does porn cancel comprehensive sex ed programs?

(But you know a few people are bragging.)

"Much like me."

It's sweet that he's concerned about them.

"...and average waist-height..."

(Currently dying in Vietnam.)

It's a good thing correlation equals causation.

"...sass, back talking..."

↑
Vice Magazine! There it is!

You never studied.

...mostly father.

Maybe a little... too interested. Especially the clergy.

WORK THAT RUNWAY!

"...or would you rather they just fapped?"

"...dental, geological..."

Canyons of butt crack! Seas of santorum!

LURED INTO LESBIANISM
Friday & Saturday only at Le Shed

You mean dating?

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YouTube Captioning: Perversion For Profit (1965) (Part 2 of 4)

Thu, 26 Aug 2010 21:27:00 GMT

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[Click here for Part 1]

As long as we come.

Leave Niels Bohr out of this!

Like Vanity Fair?

Oh yeah. He's stuffing.

↑ Tai-Pan must owe him a big favor.

(If there is such a thing.)

Just think of the chest-shaving mishaps.

one
James Dean and the Bull Dyke - pg. 37

Hey! Don't be dissing George Takai.

Japan?

Actually, sexual preference in pedophilia breaks down at about the same percentages as homosexuality in the general population.

Suck it in, kid.

Somehow I don't think these kids were the hope of the world.

"Look HAAAAARD... Mmmm..."

"...those friggin' Jonas Brothers."

People with two vests?

← The Rails
This Film →

"...even though we listed it as a 'stealth' gay mag 1 minute 10 ago."

"...in that they're coherent."

e•rot•ic Adj.- Not rotic

TUMNUS!

This film?

"...Archie Comics."

two
~~several~~ \/ persons

"...the Steppenwolf LP..."

"...nudie pens..."

	8:00 PM	8:30 PM	9:00 PM	9:30 PM	10:00 PM
PBS	An Appeal to the Sodamist: Live From The Hatch Shell! New (CC)				Red Green Show Repeat (CC)

"...but then, everything hints at bestiality to me."

Dr. Sorokin... says ← Cite more than one source.

What kind of zoo is that?

Homo Habilis: Cornholing's king

Not that many women read Ayn Rand.

Music hipsters?

Purple construction paper guy is getting sh**canned for this one.

I prefer brushing by the cashier with the nice rack, but sure.

George Putnam: Down with the streets.

"EAT THIS DRUMSTICK!"

They say every problem is an opportunity.

Through, by, from and for.

Cool!

"...and the girlfriend who makes you hold it as she tries on stuff."

"...recipes, train schedules..."

Chick Lit: Throwing our fight against Communism.

In print?

"...download a 'reading guide' and listen to an exclusive 'author interview.' An author interview!"

How can they treat books like that!

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YouTube Captioning: Perversion For Profit (1965) (Part 1 of 4)

Mon, 23 Aug 2010 16:23:00 GMT

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"STEPHENIE MEYER: A CELEBRATION"

(AND KINKINESS

FOR KICKS!)

(not the one jailed for sodomy)

"I've never been jailed for sodomy."

"Elves."

"But you can stop this 'Fred Rogers'..."

For a free catalogue, write to the address at the end of this film.

"Quit hogging STRIP, Judy."

"It may not be true, but it is a FACT."

Yeah!

unseen airquotes
↓

"...the smiths of smut. The hustlers of hard-on...!"

THE SAN FERNANDO VALLEY

~~increasingly~~ worse Red.

worse... in volume? Agree.

| increase and flourish | Awk.

Fox?

Finally! A growth industry.

You better watch out
You better not fap...
♫

Remember, these are the same people who'd rather go bankrupt than socialize medical insurance.

"The teenager is by definition a pervert..."

"And yet you know them... don't you?"

Aw. Sad octopus.

Oh let them yiff.

"...It's dope and it's with it..."

"...buy porn."

They need more to do.

Here it comes...

.
o
O
( Crap, I'm getting turned on! )

.
o
O
( Like that little slut Tammy next door... )

"But we will work until our pamphlets are on EVERY newsstand!"

"...made this octopus sad."

"THEY WERE PURCHASED ON THE INTERNET!"

Good thing half of those don't exist anymore.

"But not Costco. What the hell Costco? I bought a damn membership!"

Wait a minute. These are just YA novels.

.
o
O
( Damn hard-on... )

Awesome! I love nudity!

Would the washer machine be more wholesome?

No, the gay guy mags are for stimulating the rear.

"...the sexually comfortable."

So do Hindu girls, and they're HOT.

(Slavery, masochism, outgroup violence...)

It might help if the women weren't laughing at this guy.

I thought they were just failed actresses showing their tits.

Kind of the way O'Reilly doesn't give you a clickable link when he rails against 4chan...

Or anyone with a classic tv Gidget fantasy.

↑ ↑
Could they have censored any less?

We're to understand you're not turned on by healthy breasts?

LESBIAN IMPLICATIONS
with DJ Perversion
This Friday at Le Shed

He almost drifted off for a second there.

Obbbbviously.

"Let's stay with this frame for a moment more..."

That's. Not. What "fetish" means!

Dr. Sorokin is one hot MILF!

Is that really where we come?

Yes. Have you ever seen real nudists?

Jump ball!

How many blind people have joined your group exactly?

And blamed pictures of people having fun?

"...and not by watching his abusive '60s father beat his mother..."

(National Geographic)

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YouTube Captioning: Strawberry Sex by Ken Hirai [Official Music Video]

Sat, 24 Jul 2010 20:12:00 GMT

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That must've been quite a wreck. Look at his pants.

← BECAUSE HE'S RICH

Passed over by the Steppenwolf tour. This had better be a new low.

"YOU'RE FANTASTIC, POWER LINES!"

Good. Stare at her boobs. American girls love that.

Failed cosmetology school on a 1.3 GPA

Is this seriously all the blonde they could afford?

*ejaculates*

"I like you despite your weird face."

Is it time for the racism then?

↑
Roots

Guess not.

Don't you hate it when you meet a girl's mom, and the "After" picture ruins the "Before" picture?

↑
(BLACK HAIR)

↑
(BLONDE HAIR)

↑
(BLACK HAIR)

↑
(BLONDE HAIR)

↑
(BLACK HAIR)

The weirdface girl must be playing hitchhiker king of the hill.

"Ever ride in a lozenge?"

What did we talk about, dude?

Three more hits and he's dead.

Did the director have a fetish for creepy smiles?

*ejaculates painfully*

Enough with Mrs. Robinson poolside. It's time for the Jimmy Swaggart fantasy.

(Technically that's just strawberry foreplay.)

"Objectivism is the only logical philosophy!"

"No, behavioral psychology has laid waste to its fundamental tenets!"

Like he's never done a tranny in Thailand.

TRUST RENT-A-TUMBLEWEED!
For All Your Tumbleweed Needs
Special rates for low-rent Japanese exterior shoots.

Did he really want to ride in the hearse?

Finally! There's the racism. And a touch more homophobia because you asked nicely.

"Oh hey, you're bluffing!"

A bored Jersey housewife and a community college anthropology major. Aren't you straight pimping.

♥ ♥ ♥ ♠ ♣ ♦

That's smart.

If you lose enough they comp your room.

I'll bet anything the ball doesn't land on perineum tonight.

Welcome to America

"Hey, it's me. The gay guy from the car. This whole thing has been a repressed homosexual allegory. Why don't you party with me tonight?"

"A FIGMENT OF MY IMAGINATION IS REALLY HERE!"

*wah wah waaah*

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Mac OS X Interface Criticisms

Tue, 08 Jun 2010 21:56:00 GMT

For the statement of purpose, skip to the end. Let's get into this...

Slow interface elements. When you click on a menu in Windows XP, there's often a "meh" moment where it hesitates before opening. As far back as System 6, clicking on a Mac menu meant, menu: now. Two Mac interface elements have always been painfully slow, though: Dashboard and Spotlight.

Dashboard. Great idea. Bad execution. I always found Dashboard unusably slow on my G5, but figured I'd use it all the time when I got an Intel. I was half right. It's about twice as fast. Which means it can still spend 10 seconds thinking about nothing of apparent difficulty before letting me type a word into my dictionary. I only have six widgets. Dashboard needs to be rewritten from the ground up for instantaneous speed.
Spotlight. Far too ubiquitous in the system. If I want to find a file, I go to the Finder and hit the standard key combination Command-F. If I want an address, I go to Address Book. If I want an email, I go to Mail. If I hit Command-Space, anywhere, any time, it's by accident. Usually, I don't even mean to open the Help menu. Lurking behind either accident is a judder as the Mac thinks hard about opening... a search box.

The default Finder window. What IS all this crap? The titlebar is half an inch tall. I've got a search box which, if I click on it and begin typing, MAY start searching in the current folder, or may jump out to the whole disk. It may decide to do Contents or File Name. If I "x" out of it, it will dump me back to list view when I was in column view. There's a gear-widgety thing that I've never used; it does nothing but duplicate the File menu. Most of the stuff on the left makes sense, but once again I've got search; can we just pick a place for search and leave it there? The bottom of the window is another quarter inch tall, and empty except for one line of text that could fit a dozen times in all the wasted space up top. Finally, there's a little tic-tac in the top right that hides all the useless stuff -- as well as the useful stuff in the left-hand pane.
Disk Images. I'm old enough to remember copying between two disks on a Mac Plus with no hard drive -- using "Eject" instead of "Put Away" so you could drag and drop a file from one disk to a greyed-out picture of the other, and spend the next several minutes swapping disks physically. Why do I bring this up now? Because the virtual disk concept is lost on all but the most propellerheaded users. Look at your mom's computer: she's still got every installer and .dmg file she ever downloaded. She doesn't get that you download a file, the file becomes a "disk," you copy from the "disk," then you "eject the disk," and delete the file. (No mom, deleting the disk image won't delete the copy of Firefox you just installed...) Applications shouldn't have installers and outside-the-bundle files in 2010 anyway, but that's a much wider abuse of the Application concept in modern graphical user interfaces.
One-click application opening. Have we forgotten how to double click? How often do you accidentally begin the slow loading of a large application because it's next to the one you wanted on the dock? Here's a consistent workflow: Hover reveals nothing new but indicates that the object can act; Click hilights the object and reveals options; Second click performs the default action. (In an application's case, starting up.)
Dot-3 file extensions. What kind of teletype-era UNIX cancer is this? The file NAME is the file NAME. Nothing. More. The file TYPE is the file TYPE. You had this solved in LisaOS, never mind in the first version of the MacOS that was written when I was four. Two hidden pieces of data, each more than three characters long: The file type, and the file creator. The whole point of a graphical user interface is that the file system shows us -- with it's graphics-ical things -- what type of file we're dealing with. Which leads us to...
Thumbnail icons. Unless the image the file contains is not much more complicated than an icon, an icon-sized preview is unlikely to reveal much of value to the eye at a glance. Below a certain size, say about that of your fist at arm's length (your thumb thumbnail is far too small), images become jumbles, like a big table of numbers. My text documents all have thumbnail icons. They all look the same. Their icons do not reveal the file type or creator, which was supposed to be the point of an icon. It's possible we need to abandon miniature icons in their entirety.
No application should ever steal focus from another application. Period. If I open three applications and then click back on the one I was working in, I should never be ripped back out of it. If I insert a CD, iTunes has no right to demand my attention whenever it gets around to deciding what the CD is.
The jumping icon on the dock is much too annoying for developers to have access to it. Too many abuse it. Progress finished? So f***ing what? Leave me the hell alone. Apple's own Software Update abuses it, constantly demanding attention until it's allowed to tell the user that, eventually, a restart will be required.
The Finder vs. the open and save dialog. The special view of the file system in the open/save dialog made beautiful sense when we could only have one application open at a time. That was twenty years ago. There's no more need to duplicate the functionality, especially in a truncated manner. How should we decide where a new file is saved to? We click Save, and the top Finder window pops up with the file awaiting a name.

And briefly noted:

If an application is going to take more than half a second to open, I should be able to tell it to stop.
It's easy to browse FTP servers from the Finder, and it feels like a natural use of the filesystem. So why is it read only after so many years?
Safari Command-arrowkey navigation doesn't work when a text box is hilighted. The page itself gets to decide when a text box is selected.
Connecting to and rebuffering an internet stream locks up the entire iTunes interface with a modal dialog.
*Sorting in column view. I'm asterisking this one because I understand it's finally been implemented in Snow Leopard. The trouble is, we should have been able to sort Finder columns the same ways we can sort Finder lists a long, long time ago.

I was making Hypercard games when I was ten on a Mac Plus. I learned Animation:Master when it was Playmation on a Quadra. I was modding Escape Velocity with Ray Dream Designer and ResEdit on a 60Mhz Performa. I won most of my film festival awards for a 12 minute short animated on a 500Mhz G3 iMac bubble. I freelanced after college with a G5 tower. I remember Strata, KPT, Aldus and Fractal Design, and I'm old enough to remember the MCP when it was just a chess program! I may know what I'm talking about.

YouTube Captioning: March 19, 2010 - Rubi

Sun, 30 May 2010 21:38:00 GMT

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This translation is provided for the educational enrichment of the YouTube Captioning public regarding the unique cultural voice of Tagalog-language drama.

I'm afraid you're just not cut out to be a vet tech.

You can keep the scrubs, but please leave.

I've never said this after one class.

You faking it too?

No-

Come on! Doctor Teeth looks more like a pediatrician.

You're not a pedo, are you?

Because if you are, I've got a trunk full of items that might interest you...

Who are THEY to judge us?! Know what I mean?

Right?

I'm trying to catch the Phantom!

I'm sorry the... disease has only gotten worse.

I can tell.

With every minute that goes by, your son turns more and more into Jaden Smith.

Untalented. Yes.

Neve Campbell!

We've never met this Phantom. How can we be turning into "B" list celebrities?

They say he might be tainting drinks to terrorize people.

Seriously, though. Am I really starting to look like Robin Tunney?

Um...

Not... Who's Robin Tunney?

You know...

I do?

From The Craft?

Well! If it isn't the bitches of Eastwick.

I can't believe you're BOTH turning into cast members of The Craft.

Laaaaame!

Look! It's Danielle Panabaker and post-scrappy-cuteness Claire Danes.

It's better than being Neve Campbell and... oh wait, what was her name? She never did another film again.

Robin Tunney? Bitch is on "The Mentalist" these days, skank.

Oh, that's right! And The Zodiac, right?

Zodiac, with Jake Gyllenhaal and Robert Downey, Jr.?

No, The Zodiac, with Macaulay Culkin's kid brother.

But really, "Neve." How's it going? Thought of releasing an album since riding the Scream franchise into the ground?

...as in "GWARs Doug?" [GWAR-style scatting.]

They say it's reversible!

Get real! At least I caught someone no one's ever heard of. No one remembers Disney's Sky High.

Seriously. Kurt Russell in a big foam suit? You've got to rent it.

She probably thinks if they catch the Phantom they'll be able to reverse the effects.

Get used to it, honey. The blank. Test pattern. Stare. You're going to have it for a long time!

Everything all right?

Um... You got a huge dose of Ryan Seacrest, didn't you?

Whatever. It could have been Simon Cowell.

When you're bumping uglies tonight, it'll be like a porno VH1 special.

Sleep tight, kids.

I threw up a little just now.

Is it possible to wash my mind's eye out with bleach?

I am never going to eat again!

Bumping... ug-uglies...

"Come on, son."

"You can tell me."

I don't know how to explain this, doc.

The Phantom has gotten to each one of my friends... but not me.

Do you think you're feeling a sort of survivor's guilt?

You may just be so bland that it's not taking.

You know, I actually thought I was turning into Ricky Martin this weekend.

I went out and bought some Menudo tracksuits, came out on my blog...

"Maybe it will help..."

If we imagine there is no Phantom per se.

You look about as imposing as David Schwimmer...

"Just about." Why?

"And maybe..."

"This can help too."

"It will be our little secret, son."

You take this.

Essence of Neve Campbell? I can't accept this.

You'd look good as a stiff "B" actress.

Thanks. The Janet Reno never quite took.

It all...

It started out innocently enough.

A little essence of Tim Robbins here and there...

Bob Hoskins. I got hooked on Gerald McRaney.

Pretty soon everyone's doing it.

But not admitting it. Like listening to Boston.

Thanks for the David Schwimmer and the advice.

"I appreciate this conversation."

It may be Matt LeBlanc.

I can live with that.

I'm sorry.

All I could score you was Robin Tunney. She was on "Prison Break." Kind of.

Her hair didn't really fall out. It was a bald cap.

Driver?

Yo?

How good is this Mark Ericson guy?

If you can't be the real person you want to be

Why not be someone who looks like someone else?

They must be famous for a reason, not just by random chance...

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YouTube Captioning: Clean Coal Success Story

Sun, 09 May 2010 21:11:00 GMT

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TONIGHT WE DINE IN HELL!

Fishing next to a 50 year old coal plant. Get ready for the Big Lie, folks.

Rednecks?

"Far as we could get from this sh** hole."

"Tha's right."

SOFT FOCUS = SINCERITY

UNRELATED TESTIMONIALS = RAPPORT

"...your wife."

I should say so!

"Still f*ckin' your wife, Ted."

That's easy to remember.

You put little suits on steam?

"We're going to be using steel, which is metal. And burn coal, which burns."

♫ Heeeeeeeere they come to snuff the Bruce Na... ♫

It can't be that important...

Enter your own damn text.

It means 40% efficiency, vs. the 37% of hundred-year-old technology.

PARTIAL FOCUS = EVEN MORE SINCERITY
(Added in post.)

TIME LAPSE CLOUDS = THOUGHTFULNESS
(Also works with bodies of water, stars, hilly forests.)

It's basically a big Dirt Devil.

"And about 5 million tons of CO2 per annum."

If you'd like to know what these a**holes are actually on about, Council Bluffs #4 happened to be the first coal plant built after the EPA began forcing the power industry to reduce mercury emissions. There are three older plants on the site, each releasing 5x the mercury of #4. We have two more minutes -- think they'll mention any of this?

GREEN STUFF = FRIENDLY

They're circulating, are they?

Rape, larceny, poor dental hygiene...

You built. A fourth. Plant.
That means more pollution, you carpetbagging twat.

"And global warming was made up by Al Gore, so..."

"Fish sticks."

Walri? Kid's nothing if not ambitious. And a bit stupid.

I'm sorry, which disease did you catch?

I only speak New England Redneck, can you repeat large portions of that?

TMI, dude.

"That was no fish, that was my wife!"

*boom!*

FAMILY TESTIMONIAL = TRUST

"Just not in any way that affects me."

BACKLIGHTING + FILL = CALM

"Something heavier than the lure."

MULTIPLE MATCH CUTS = CLOSURE

HITACHI: Doing the Minimum Required by Law™
And expecting a handjob for it!

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Blosxom: Upgrading to an RSS 2.0 Feed

Sun, 25 Apr 2010 17:24:00 GMT

Blosxom still pretty much just damn works, but it's dying. A dead News link on a project site is never a good sign. It won't be long before the STP will have to move to another weblog backend, but that's for another day.

Today's issue: Facebook keeps inexplicably dropping my RSS feed. Facebook is of course happy to pretend there isn't an internet outside its walls, but I get a lot more feedback on my ideas through Facebook than in the blog comments. Whether it's the cause of this problem or not, in keeping with its age, Blosxom serves feeds in the RSS 0.90 format, which would be a bit of a ColecoVision even if Blosxom had ever done it right.

I've modified my copy of the blosxom.cgi script to produce a modern RSS 2.0 feed that validates correctly. You can do the same. Here's how:

1. Open blosxom.cgi in a text editor and scroll to the bottom.

2. Replace this rubbish:

rss content_type text/xml
rss head <?xml version="1.0"?>\n\n<!DOCTYPE rss PUBLIC "-//Netscape
Communications//DTD RSS 0.91//EN"
"http://my.netscape.com/publish/formats/rss-0.91.dtd">\n\n<rss
version="0.91">\n <channel>\n
<title>$blog_title $path_info_da $path_info_mo
$path_info_yr</title>\n
<link>$url</link>\n
<description>$blog_description</description>\n
<language>$blog_language</language>\n
rss story   <item>\n
<title>$title</title>\n
<link>$url/$yr/$mo_num/$da#$fn</link>\n
<description>$body</description>\n </item>\n
rss date \n
rss foot   </channel>\n</rss>

3. With this rubbish:

rss content_type text/xml
rss head <?xml version="1.0"?>\n\n<rss
version="2.0">\n <channel>\n
<title>$blog_title $path_info_da $path_info_mo
$path_info_yr</title>\n
<link>$url</link>\n
<description>$blog_description</description>\n
<language>$blog_language</language>\n
<generator>blosxom $version</generator>\n
<docs>http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss</docs>\n
rss story   <item>\n
<title>$title</title>\n
<pubDate>$dw, $da $mo $yr $ti:00
GMT</pubDate>\n
<link>$url/$yr/$mo_num/$da#$fn</link>\n
<guid
isPermaLink="true">$url$path/$fn</guid>\n
<description>$body</description>\n </item>\n
rss date \n
rss foot   </channel>\n</rss>

That's it.

YouTube Captioning: Jesus and Moses Went Golfing

Sat, 24 Apr 2010 16:14:00 GMT

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"...you said we'd be in the desert for a week."

Book of Clubs: 8 wood 4

Please don't do that.

Spreads a choirboy's anus, and...

Jesus doesn't handle confrontation well.

But it's hard to make par with your penis.

Passive-aggressively immitating Charlie Chaplin.

Moses was just being an asshole.

Is Jesus doing the sound effects too?

( / 2) -

For more of God being a dick, please read the Old Testament.

" God is just sick of your masturbating. "

(The guy reaching for the man with the limp penis.)

Did he say when?

.
o
O
(He's right... He's right... That's right... Oh my god, that's so right...)

Did they know how condoms worked?

"BASTARDS!"

It also lets SATAN crawl up your hoo-ha.

"You... SLUT."

Actually, the Catholic church has spent the last thousand years debating the point of "ensoulement" without coming to any solid consensus.

Something that happens naturally to 60-80% of fertilized eggs anyway. (Yes, fertilized eggs.)

Wait, when did logic come into the Catholic church?

Or "GALILEO WAS RIGHT!" prior to Nirvana dropping the Nevermind album.

There there, Thomas Aquinas, William of Occam and Aristotle -- the molestache man is almost done.

Yes, I can clearly see the moral and logical problem you've backed yourself into.

←Bad Good→

"Sorry about your son's sphincter, here's some money..."

Do you get the feeling that somewhere there's a shop class missing its wacky teacher, and the girls are having to use the bandsaw without someone leaning over to guide both of their hands?

Brought to You by Your Ashur-Worshipping Friends in Ninveh:
Capital of the Ancient Assyrian Empire

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How to Tell If You've Been Ripped Off by the Developers of Your Corporate Site

Sun, 11 Apr 2010 19:35:00 GMT

It's thoroughly embarassing what even Fortune 500 companies will accept from their website designers. There's a lot of snake oil out there, like Twitter and almost anything to do with Facebook, not to mention the Russian roulette of gaming search engines, but we're just going to look at your website. If you're a not too tech savvy manager trying to figure out if your vendor is ripping you off, read on.

On any page, go to View Source, and search for the word "<table>". Did it come up? If so, is there any actual spreadsheet-type data on the page? No? Then you've been ripped off by a firm that can't use modern code to build a site. They'll want twice what they should be charging for any minor layout tweak, because they'll have to practically rewrite the page from scratch every time it needs changing.
When you enter a phone number in any reasonably logical manner into the phone number field, does the site fail to understand it? Does it give you an error, and tell you how it wants the number entered instead? If so, you've been ripped off by a vendor who thinks your customers' patience is less valuable than half an hour of its billable time. Teaching a computer that 555-555-5555x102 is (555)555-5555 ext.102 and 5555555555ex102 is not taxing. An incredibly badass phone number validator might run to 50 lines of code. Might. Five minutes on Google will turn up dozens of good ones, ready made and free to use. See also: Social security numbers, dates and zip codes.
Does clicking the link to log in redirect the user to a different website? It's easy to create a fake site at a plausible-looking address. There are thousands of them on the web at any given time, designed to trick the user into typing in their account information. Redirecting from TinyCreditUnion.com to login.2MyAccount.co.cz/TinyCreditUnion?=mainsite?=login.redirecttome.com goes against every shred of good internet consumer advice in existence. If you train your customers to make bad decisions with their account information, some of them will.
Does a password have to contain numbers, symbols, etc? Bear the following in mind: There are lists available on the web, compiled by legitimate security researchers, of what the most common passwords are. Beyond screening for those, the difference between the password "buylamps" and the password "4f9s^fg)3" is statistically meaningless. Brute-force attacking an eight character password containing nothing but lower-case letters would require an average of over 104 BILLION attempts. If the site designer is smart enough to take the tiny precaution of ignoring more than one login attempt per second (which your customers will never be bothered by, on the receiving end) it would take 3,309 years of constant guessing just to get an even chance of breaking into an account.
Is there a meter that tells you how "strong" your password is? It's bullshit. It's calling 3000 years "weak," 30,000 years "fair" and ten lifetimes of the universe "strong," and chances are it's not even checking against a list of common passwords. If the small steps above have been taken, it's as meaningless to you as mathematician talk about the different sizes of infinity.
If you enter the wrong password a few times, does the account lock you out? More fake security. The obvious trouble is, it's only ever going to be invoked by already pissed off customers who can't remember the machine-exact keystrokes with which to enter this particular password on this particular website. I know you want to think of yourself as the center of your customers' financial lives, but you're not. So unless you want to pay someone at a call center to deal with every minor issue the website was designed to handle, fire the bums who try to sell you customer lockout.
Does the password need to be changed at regular intervals? This is not even fake security, nor merely irritating: it's actually negative security. Your customer can't memorize a new password every month (nor can you) never mind half a dozen. That means the password has to be written down somewhere. Which means it's not a password anymore, it's a bearer bond. Suddenly, leaving an address book in the restaurant, losing a $10 thumb drive, having a purse snatched, or just plain leaving a sticky note in the wrong place can compromise half of a customer's financial life.
Does the site use security questions? If you can make a security question specific enough to be unambiguous (mother's maiden name) it will be a matter of public record. If it's any vaguer than that (your first crush), it will lead to so many possible answers that no customer will be able to consistently enter the same, correct, exact, machine-confirmable string of characters in answer to the question each time without -- again -- writing it down. Most users settle on a consistent string of profanity, which is guessable and still usually needs to be written down. Guess a few strings of profanity yourself if a vendor ever tries to sell you this.

YouTube Captioning: 2010 K-POP Single Chart (March Week 3)

Thu, 08 Apr 2010 22:35:00 GMT

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2010: A K-Pop Odyssey

"What!?"

"Ow!"

"Quit it!"

"Dammit!"

"Quit shoving!"

It could be gas.

Translation: "...but the Body Shop was closed!"

↑
To be fair, chicks with violins rock.

To be fair, chicks with violins rock.

Shouldn't he be wearing tissue boxes on his feet?

"Go my child! Escape from the man fairy!"

To be exact, love, a can of Red Bull, and two shots each of Bacardi and Jagermeister taught me to drink.

"Play it again, Chan."

"My urine sample!"

.
o
O
(Dammit, I'm almost out of condiments)

Seeing as this appears to be a tv show theme, you'd think cutting a video wouldn't have been ponderous.

If you squished today and twenty years ago together, this is the horrible clothing you would end up with.

I thought HOPPER + DRAMA = EASY RIDER

(Shouldn't this be over?)

Boyz II Twatz

Walk into the damn light!

You: zip up

You: unzip

What about Noein?

8eight appears with 2AM and 4Men in the new release Now 7hat's What 1 Call 1nexplicable Use of Digits #7.

Where do you get a belt with a heat exchanger?

Not his usual look. He came here straight from dodging the "100M from a school or playground" restriction slapped on him by the judge.

There's a joke you're not in on here: The band is called "4Men," but there are three of them, without a testicle between them.

I Can't (Theme to Virginia Woolf's "To the Lighthouse")

I want to enjoy this, but there's an air of barely-contained desperation around these women.

See what I mean?

; _ ;

^_^

You do know they make unobtrusive mics, right?

Love. I'm noticing a theme here.

Falling Down II: Lady Luckless

A sewer in my bed...!

↑
[INSERT EMOTION HERE]

"Hey! It's only raining in front of the camera!"

Yay! The shocker song!

Two in the pink, one in the stink! Shock! SHOCK!

Maybe they're saying "shuck." It could be a corn song.

But didn't get a wrist or a finger

Goddamn the cur

Jack, that cat
(He's technically a woman but don't tell the officer)

Korean is not a language you can "spit."

People who won't even dog-ear a page run in fear from
Marginalia Man!

The hand bump. Classic.

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Well don't everybody run away. Somebody's got to clean up around here.

*Lloyd Thaxton pedals through*
I knooooow a little place/ Not far from town/
(Gotta go) A kind of pretty place/ Three up, two down

Ahh. The Korean Miley.

"Good. Gooooood..." ↑

Another song with "love" in the title. Take a drink.

Confirm. Deny.

You take that back!

Usually you have to be near a base to get Cum-Shot Happy Entertainment in Korea.

Not that I'd... know....

I'm getting a little sick of running too.

What are we running from, at least?

Stop telling me what to do!

+5 Chain Mail? She can't equip that until level 15!

Does lupin grow in Korea? Or is this a posh remake of "Hungry Like the Wolf?"

Sarah Jessica Park Hyor

"Wait! I'll get furniture! I swear."

"Or a door! At least I'll get a door!"

I hear the Marvel continuity nazis sh*t kittens when Dazzler moved to Korea and had a son.

"Or scenery outside of the windows! Anything!"

"You know I love you more than my cheap particle effects! Please!"

Sentinel attack! Hit the deck.

Gee. This video.

Cut scenes from a movie in, and it's MTV: 1988-1994.

(For those younger people in the audience, MTV used to play music.)

BubbleLove.com was already registered. And she was NOT happy with what she found there.

Someone lob another mortar.

2AM: The all fighting-game-villain band

Yes, you did wrong. Now comb it flat again.

Did anyone else just see Kim Jong Il?

D'oh, my bad!

Look, we'll see if we can sort it out with super glue...

What's with the fourth grade love note? I thought child molestation was only big in Japan.

She been driving me so blue

I'll not chicken out again!

Her mom's so cocky...

Young as kids can get...

Yes, "T-ara" is #1. We haven't been counting up.

I know someone who goes crazy because of his violent psychoses. Y'all should hang.

Somewhere in Seoul: "It's peurile, but it doesn't have an annoying repeated phrase. Who wrote that 'Oh Oh Oh Oh' bit for T-ara? Get me that bastard. That bastard sh*ts gold records!"

"What a world!"

Chunky? Lady, Gainax characters are chunky compared to you.

Fosse!

To recap #1: Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, chunky-chunky-chunky-chunky-chunky-chunky-chunky, Satan'll never reach out.

Capped by Space Toast
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