Author: Matt

Cinematic & Tech Artist at Chop Chop Games. Indy dev behind "Lillie is the Keeper" for iOS. Award-winning filmmaker of "The Garden (1910)" and "Marboxian." US expat in Denmark. Once an extra on "Rescue 911."
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YouTube Captioning: Conspiracy Theory: Did We Land on the Moon? Part 1

This was a collaboration between cappers KKDW, TheDiva and myself.

More at YouTubeCapper.Blogspot.com. Create your own here.

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Manbags
In fact, they’re mostly mistaken assumptions and half-assed guilt by association.
You are all individuals.
Why doesn’t Fox News carry that disclaimer anymore?
IN A WORLD where rockets are shot into space…
The final episode of M*A*S*H*?
Okay. I don’t believe it.
“The whole relationship, just the failed gamble of two people desperate not to be seen alone.”
Paper or plastic?
Or whatever else we can find.
“The eagle is now picking up a tortoise to drop on that rock over there…”
I’m glad they took the time to interview a guy who thinks he knows everything but doesn’t.
Tony Nelson?
Are you trying to tell me that Bush was actually pretending to be a complete idiot?
YOU MAKE THE CALL
[Insert melodrama here]
I hope this ends with Buzz Aldrin punching everyone involved in the face.
“Yeah, it’s tied.”
And promptly died of suffocation.
“Umm…what comes after nine?”
“I can’t get ‘Fly Me to the Moon’ out of my head, over…”
Wow, it’s so vaguely sexual…
Blasted in his face?
With no toilet stops on the way.
“Got really drunk and did some things they never spoke of again…”
“Read a few chapters of The Fountainhead…”
The ladies toilets? A theater showing Mamma Mia?
“No, your other right…”
(“Sh***ing Our Pants Base” didn’t quite have the same ring to it.)
Yes?
David Attenborough: “And here we see a footprint of the rare and probably endangered Neilius Armstrongius…”
Most of us don’t wear tinfoil hats and build survival shelters under our garden sheds.
Now… what were they again?
“Crap, line?”
No, that wasn’t it…
♬ …Leap of faith, leap of faith…
So he knows everything there is to know about astronomy and space travel.
“For instance, we couldn’t decide what colour we wanted the rockets to be.”
Michael Bay’s Apollo 13
Sikh the Truth
^
|
sane
…gave him a tingly feeling.
What channel was he watching?
“I mean, where was all the green cheese?”
“A cat chasing a mouse, and getting beaten up again and again? Preposterous!”

It was Fusie the Star Sprite!

“NOOOOO stars!” *irritating whistle*

It’s almost like THE SUN WAS SHINING, you twits!
Waving… wobbling… whatever.
DUN DUN DUN!!!
Okay we admit it, we actually sent a woman!
And quite rightly, too.
“Morons, we call them.”
“WE LOVE YOU, FLOCK OF SEAGULLS!”
These people will be found and eliminated.
Umm, they’re paranoid and delusional?
Please, our government can’t keep the lid on a couple waterboardings, let alone something like this…
“Beep beep! Woo! Aliens are coming, commander! They’ll never take us alive, spaceman!“
Until he was fired for being mad as pants.
Please say you’re only telling the documentary makers this because it’s what they want to hear and you don’t believe a word of what you’re saying…
“…a ten billion dollar ‘NEENER NEENER’ at the Reds?”
In order to heal.
To the TARDIS!
People should never assume anything.
“They defined that as killing us all.”
The Beanie Baby craze?
“…an America already terrified by the introduction of the Edsel.”
Sputnik: Russian for “Daddy Long-Legs”
It carried “NU – C L E – AR” bombs. Get it right, people.
“But this footage of a large explosion says otherwise…”
Crap, are we doing the Watchmen trailer again?
Did these guys know what they were being interviewed for?
These people had been reading too much science-fiction.
Ha-ha, just a little joke from me, the narrator…
“Never tell me the odds!”

You’re just making these numbers up as you go along, right?

“…Point zero, zero quillion, to the negative power of, like, infinity…”

Stupid rocket, you’re not supposed to explode until you get to Russia!
Please. Tell.
“And the leprechauns never lie to me.”
“…where did we get all the receipts?”
Why, through the magic of CGI, of course!
Since there’s no way we can pretend it didn’t actually happen.
It sent them to Pluto. CHEW ON THAT, CONSPIRACY PUSSIES!
“Hey Neil, if you don’t come back can I have your stereo?”
Passing the time with a few games of charades and Zero-G Scrabble.
“…God created reality television, and seeing what He had done sealed it away in the dark places until the coming of the Antitaste.”
“…and then Atlantis stole the missing Zapruder footage from the Reptoids.”
Scorpio Zero, Capricorn leads the series by two.
So it MUST be true!
“Switch it to the Knicks game!”
“But we’re planting an American flag anyway.”
Which you already said was filmed AFTER the moon landing! Is NASA hiding a time machine too?
But it isn’t.
Producer:
1. Gringo Wedding (2006) (executive producer)
2. Barbarosa (1982) (producer)
3. Hanover Street (1979) (producer)
4. Capricorn One (1978) (producer)
5. Extreme Close-Up (1973) (producer)

Self:
1. Conspiracy Theory: Did We Land on the Moon? (2001) (TV) …. Himself

“I also believe Bigfoot knows where Hoffa’s body is.”
The pudding is solid?
So let me get this right, they’re putting a later piece of fiction forward as evidence that the moon landings were faked?
“…none of us actually had sex…”
Oh please. You can’t even make your toupee look convincing.
Tv monitors! It’s true!
*klieg light falls on astronaut*

But they somehow forgot the stars. Remember that.

I think you’ve had enough…

Capped by KKDW, TheDiva and Space Toast
YouTubeCapper.Blogspot.com

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YouTube Captioning: Porsche 911 GT2 v Corvette ZR-1

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♬
So don’t neglect your blog!

Don’t avoid your blog!

You can disregard me if you please

But don’t ignore your blog!

An aging douche in £60 pre-distressed designer jeans trying to look casual? Yeah, it does.
It was the talk of the cotillion.
“…laughed off the whole Sarah Palin thing…”
Zdar One?
How many odd foot of grunt is that?
“We’ll be testing them to see which one carries more groceries.”
And a better naughty 69.
And…
They both run out of gas.
What a clear day. You can nearly see Leeds a mile in the background.
(•)
(•)
(•)
(•)
(•)
(•)
(•)
(•)
(•)
.oO(Can’t believe that bitch left me. Who does she think she is? She’ll pay. Sooner or later, they all pay.)
My uncle always said that Corvettes tend to pixellate at high speeds.
You guys do know you can do a freeze-frame without physically pausing the tape in the camera, right?
“I think about my ex-wife.”
Every time you take a what?
(The audio recording quality is actually fine here. No known sound codec can reproduce this much Cockney.)
“He’s not bloody Roy!”
“I’m sick now.”
“And now he’s going to Vonage.”
Please stop mentioning your Speedo.
*passes Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock in a bus*

1.5 Miles

54.45sec     55.32sec

@174.11mph     @176.82mph

Runway Barrier

62.52sec     62.52sec

@0mph     @0mph

“Proving once again how large my penis is.”
.oO(Don’t mention hitting his cat)
“I’ll make you a deal, mate… See, if you’re in the market, mate, I know a bloke who knows a bloke, see…”
Huh?
“You’ll smell better.”
Douchrace 2000: The Reckoning
After being flown back to the other end of the runway on a specially modified Boeing 747…
*plays with the radio*
“…not really love.”
Turbo Lad! Defender of British youth the world over!
Wait, he’s sitting on the right! They must have flipped the footage in post to make the other guy look faster.
You can do it, Speed Racer!
“There goes Buckaroo Bonzai on my left…”
We call it the “get down part.”
The stupider the thing is, the more money people will spend on it?
“…Neither of us got laid today, so that is a draw. I did, however, jizz, in my pants.”
T.M.I. dude.
You’d be sitting in traffic reading the ultimate frisbee bumper stickers on the back of a Geo.
“That way, both of our sponsors, will remain happy.”

Capped by Space Toast

YouTubeCapper.Blogspot.com

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YouTube Captioning: Mormon Messages: How Can I Find Happiness?

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“The biggest consumer, Utah, averaged 5.47 adult content subscriptions per 1000 home broadband users…”
-ABC News
Then you’re probably in Salt Lake City.
What do you think, chunky Beverly Hills Cop-era Paul Reiser?
You wonder if the lake-effect rain will ever lose input under an occluded front.
A neck brace?
“Thank you. Good night.”
“…bigamy…”
“…xenophobia…”
“…filicide…”
So we live in Utah, to avoid that temptation.
“My picture!”
“Dad, you’re squishing my picture too!”
“I f**** hate you two!”
Our degrading, precious bodily fluids.
Paul Reiser again?
First down. 12:21 on the clock. Romans have possession.
“Or cutting remarks.”
“Suck iiiiiit…”
Messianic Apathetic
DC Comics Jesus #1 (August 1936)
“Are you gonna start the auction or not?”
No matter how many times “Scrubs” is on cable at any given second…
Please Pablo… Come to Florida…
(He’s omnipotent, but touchy.)
“I don’t really like thrillers so much…”
?
Wasn’t that a “But…” ?

Capped by Space Toast
YouTubeCapper.Blogspot.com

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YouTube Captioning: Gundam00: Celestial Being

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As opposed to whom?
Graham Norton, American supremacist.
Can we listen to something other than talk radio?
Mike Mulligan’s steam shovel, no!
TONIGHT!

ON WWE RAW

The horrible truth of the Oneida Community…
Clogs?
“That’s great, Mr. Lipman, but we were discussing Maria Bello’s new movie…?”
.oO(Gotta… pee!)
“Ted, you ignoble bastard, is that you? I haven’t seen you since Wallingford!”
“The Perseids! We’re saved!”
That is one bitch of a reactor leak.
In the name of the Autobot, the Voltron, and the holy Gundam, amen.
“HEEEEEEEEELP!”
[Pronounced “GUN-da-MOO”]
.oO(I hate living in the revolving restaurant)
Just once I’d like to see a well adjusted young hotshot pilot.
Make it a yogurt, Señor Latte
You’re workin’ up anyone? Hell yeah
C’est Yoko. Party y’all are wee
My wish is so verby? Is it?
My suit is not that dweeby-collared
A suet pan to carry ’round
There’s a war. Metal cannery
My life ain’t too dear for your pay
Houdini cuckold made you talk heyyyyy…
BIGGER CHEST ^
^ ^
BIGGER CHEST
In my day, Sunrise just made bread.
That is one HELL of a greenfly.
“Ahh, Mr. Batch.”
This is such great banter.
“I make the girls cream.”
*squish*
“Will you shut up?”
It’s tight as a drum, Boss Tweed.
“Lets get this over with. I’ve got tickets to Gwar tonight.”
“Feeling kind of let down about life. You know. Just nothing really going on, I guess. Over.”
“The plot!”
It takes a great leader to respond to a situation with peeved incredulity.
Airman Durr
“Engage the slinky under glass!”
(My girlfriends won’t believe this unless I get a snapshot)Oo.
P.E.TA.?
Mobile Suit Redundant
“Warm greens in a fall wardrobe?!”
Evil McSmarmydick
The exposition has plenty of seating, and vice-versa.
Then let the battle of mockery begin.
A robot with a knife? How… “progressive.”
Jump ball!
This just goes to show something, I’d imagine.
“And I said, ‘Hey, what the.'”
Megamaid!
He’s brave to try bangs.
“Distributing leaflets.”
Top. Men.
Come on guys, they’re only validating parking for another half hour.
Looks like someone only sprang for the basic liability…
Does he ever blink?
*laugh track*

“Oh Chandler!”

Thunderstarbugs are go!
Commander Rainbow Bright on deck.
The S. S. Stephanie Myers
“The perv.”
“If it’s not about ‘Gossip Girls’ I don’t want to hear it.”
One can of puce? You suck at tagging.
“You’re totally gonna get us kicked out of prom!”
“I’m sure nothing interesting enough to require a change of strategy will happen.”
– –

o

o o

[]

“Technobabble engaged.”
Can I suggest a headband?
I thought Oral Roberts was heaven’s pillar.
“It’s as boring as it sounds.”
“…Pikachu, Reddy Kilowatt, and the entire cast of ‘The Electric Company.'”
*Chun Lee kick*
“But I find a bit of rouge and an eyebrow plucking intensely masculine.”
*Chun Lee kick*

“Sorry! Sorry.”

THEM MAKING THEIR MOVE: ACTUAL FOOTAGE
WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO SEE IS AN ACTUAL MOVE BEING MADE
This might be exciting if we had any idea what the f*** was going on.
A bit late for the annoying sidekick-thing, isn’t it?
“Thanks, Wilson.”
YAAY! and/or BOO!
I’m thinking Elijah Wood and Johnny Depp for the live-action film.
“I can’t believe you forgot to validate our parking.”
Oh just kiss already.

“Anyway…”

*turns on bouncing suspension*

“Damn kids!”
Telstar Wars
THRILL as he Command-Plusses!
Incredible how? They – snuck – in – with – the – debris.
“Or dumb as hell.”
“EVERYBODY SCRAMBLE! RUN AROUND USELESSLY! THIS IS AN ORDER!”
“I’ll deal with those Space Argonauts later.”
And who’d want to die a virgin?
“This diaper will just have to do.”
Meanwhile, in our sparse, irritating party scene…
“I’m afraid your credit card is coming up declined, sir…”
Good thing small-talk has been eliminated in the future.
Next week on Space Psychics…
“Ohmygod, this is like… tho really happening!”
“I- I think. This interface is really confusing.”
Daveigh Chase, would you move!
“-ass.”
Who’s fighting who, why do I care, and what the eff?
Oh god, not “Ghost Hunters”
“I was watching my stories!”
“Peas and carrots peas and carrots Gundam tentacle baka peas and carrots…”
“Roger that, Jughead.”
“And yet I still feel empty.”
Yes, but poorly animated.
Katie Couric: Serious journalist
*begins to strip*
*takes heavily mosaiced jizz shot*
NASA Denies Coverup
Sailor Moon!
See, the banks over-leveraged themselves by selling worthless financial products to one another. Some of them, called Credit Default Swaps, or CDOs…
Where do you get a wooden backpack?
*wokka chicka music*
“But instead I’ll address it to you…”
“And we’re here to take you on a ska journey…”
Trying to watch this sh** kids.
*left hand tries to strangle him*
“But it is an incentive…”
“Ratings.”
RITZY TITZ CLUB

ATLANTIC CITY

“The irony is not lost on us, I assure you.”
Crap, wrong cue card.
Dr. Pedant
If they hadn’t, someone else would have.
A similar strategy worked at solving Blink 182’s inexplicable popularity.
These guys aren’t home yet?!
“That’s like using toilet paper to eliminate toilets!”
“Anyway, did you find that Foreigner 8-track in the glove box? I’ve got a craving for Juke Box Hero.”
“Kinky.”
Man voice!
*KICK*
“Clams too.”
3… 2… 1…
The Gundam Meister Meisterbergers perhaps?
♫ ROCK and rollin’ pigeons!
♫ CRAAAAZY f***in’ pigeons!
♫ FLAPPIN’ for their lives!
♫ IN the rock & rollin’ SKIES! WHAA!
These are the people who will find you on FaceBook.
.oO(The new XB-2-425-Z-KLYNV-78-C-Mark-235-X-6-Sigma-Alpha-Beta-Epsilon-14 is out!)
“Taxi!”
“Crap, this is an appliance store.”
No panorama for you, jackass.
Mix & match!
“Stop in the name of love, I guess…”
I win!
…The Gundam Bunch!
Captain Lemon Meringue and her Crew
will return in…
THE MAN WITH THE GOLDEN GUNDAM
“Ow.”
ON THE NEXT GILMORE GIRLS
So, basically, Superman IV without Mark Pillow. See you then!
YouTubeCapper.Blogspot.com

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YouTube Captioning: Hilary Duff – Seventeen Cover Cam

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Where’s the rest of your nose?
All pop idols must be thoroughly wind tunnel tested.
Cameltoe Monthly, on newsstands now.
Which character from “Full House” is she supposed to be?
“That’s me in there, but little!”
Remember this song when it sucked the first time?
Crap… Crap…
Girl in midground: “Is there a way we make the slutty jumberjack thing work a little harder?”
Come on, you’ve done it with people in your “genre of work” so many times…
“I’m still in there!”
Reconcile the madonna and whore archetypes?
Very famine?
“Bargain shelf porn.”
And now the American-born Korean girl look.
Good idea. There’s always work for a washed-up candy girl ten years past her prime who’d binge-exercised coke dimples into her face by 21.
“Education…”
“Not saying ‘like’ every third word…”
“Pile-ons…”
“Gwar.”
“This career will self-destruct in five seconds…”
This is not a hip hop song.
Posing with the black monolith.
Do they have much use for the Nanook of the North backdrop?
“Now do Janet Jackson in the ‘Scream’ video!”
“Ha ha ha! You’re touching my body! Usually only Disney execs get to do that.”
And always remember: Future punchlines don’t die, they just…

Capped by Space Toast

YouTubeCapper.Blogspot.com

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YouTube Captioning: What Is Brain Wave Vibration?

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More or less by default.
(And even more bullshit stories.)
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow…

“Hello, you’re on Car Talk.”

“Yes, I keep hearing a brain wave vibration…”

Is this the apocalypse video from Gremlins II ?
The “Argument By Pun” logical fallacy, ladies and gentlemen.
And like the Master Control Program, it can be defeated by Jeff Bridges and Bruce Boxleitner.
Like the Snugee.
I guess.
.oO(I can HEAR the pastels!)
It’s called “Not dying.”
…that he could become a multimillionaire, and bang lots of hot American chicks if he renamed his cult “Dahn Yoga” and moved it to Arizona.
Unlike rocks, or teakettles.
Uh uh.
No. No. No. No. No!
Change my pitch up! Smack my bitch up!

Change my pitch up! Smack my bitch up!

Change my pitch up! Smack my bitch up!

Here they all are.
AAUGH!
Clots?
Dammit, do it! DAMN YOU!
*pukes*
Clearly.
You “choir” your mind down?
What about after the breakdown?
Into what?
“Better” is a bit vague here.
“HEY DON’T CUT AWAY FROM ME!”
(slash wallet)
How to put this delicately…
Except, you know, cancer and stuff.
Where’s the keg?
And have more sex.
With more passion and energy.
With her? Sure!
*Warning: Brain wave vibration may cause yeast infection. Do not taunt brain wave vibration. Consult your doctor if you experience any results of brain wave vibration, as they may be a sign of a more serious mental condition. Void in Utah and Florida. These claims have not been verified by Oprah Winfrey.

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The YouTube Captioning Thing

I’ve built a new toy.

With it, you can create a caption track to play along with most any video on YouTube and embed it into a web page or forum post. Html, including images, can be used to style and enhance your captions.

Watch a Demo:

Getting Started:

  • Go to www.SpaceToast.net/caption/editor.html
  • Copy and paste a YouTube movie url into the address field, and click on Load YouTube Movie.
  • Play the movie
  • When you’d like, click on Add Caption. The movie will pause, and a new caption field will appear to the right.
  • Enter any text or html you’d like. Use the < and > buttons to adjust the timecode.
  • Play the movie again, repeat as desired.
  • Previous captions are automatically hidden. Scrub the movie back to see them again.

Embedding:

  • To embed your captioned YouTube movie in a webpage or forum post (provided the forum allows scripts), click on Create Embed Code.
  • Copy and paste the code that appears in the bottom field wherever you’d like to embed the movie.

Saving and Resuming:

  • To save your capping session, click Create Embed Code. Copy and paste the text into a plain text file.
  • To resume a capping session, or continue with someone else’s, paste the embed code into the bottom field and click Load from Embed Code. The caps and the movie you were capping will be automatically reloaded.
  • Here’s the embed code for the demo: vibration_script.txt

Sharing:

Report any and all bugs to me. Hope you have fun!

—–

To Do:

  • Bug fixes? Suggestions?

Done:

  • Fixed Internet Explorer compatibility (?)
  • Fixed problem where the editor could goof up the order of captions.
  • Create youtubecapper.blogspot.com
  • Make sure that multiple embedded movies on the same page don’t grind your system to a halt.
  • Change the scripts into live embed code. No more going through me to get a play-only file: Just copy and paste the script onto a web page or forum post.
  • Fix the caption player so that it doesn’t miss captions when YouTube drops frames.
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RPG Stats Comparison

A comparison of the stats used to define a character across eleven popular videogame and pencil-and-paper roleplaying games. (20k PDF)

Not included on the chart are depletable scores. Each game seems to have a concept of Hit Points, a number representing the character’s moment-to-moment health, with the possible exception of outlier EVE Online and it’s complete lack of physical traits. Most games that invoke magic of one sort or another have a rechargeable score representing the total amount of magic which may be invested in an action at any given time. Wealth is typically also a depletable score.

All games surveyed also deal with situational bonuses. These may be weapons and armor, single-use or depletable items, or learned skills. Even games with simple stat structures like Shining Force II create highly varied play structures using such bonuses.

Being essentially combat-based, none of the games surveyed had more than one social stat, and the majority had none. For those that did, it was always “charisma” — an ability to gain tangible favors from others. Combat-free games like Harvest Moon may deal more fully with a character’s social aspects, but as a component of adventure storytelling it appears tellingly neglected.

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Retired Addiction

The Graveyard Book

It’s a supernatural retelling of The Jungle Book with an overarching mystery running through each story/chapter. Is the final reveal good enough to hang the book on? Is it ever, in stories that are all about the fun of getting there? No… except in the case of The Graveyard Book. The only thing wrong with this volume is that you know people who don’t own it yet.

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“South Sea Company and Pan Am”

“Evacuate Earth! We have fucked up. Evacuate Earth! We have fucked up…” vibrated every molecule from the core to the froth.

Pan Am had been born in the molten publics ten miles below seal-evil and had worked his way up through the Swiss Ocean to one of the hands below Upafrica. On a tip, he spent a month hiking through SkyMollRestaurant to 521248t8884, arriving days after the bottom fell out and being forced to keep climbing through the magnetosfear. He emigrated up a cable with a few million others when the crane attached to a rivet on its way to the new Jupiter trane, and found work partway up the arm joining pritses in a balancing trace.

South Sea Company was from the high froth above Captured, a weeliweil with braids in her hair. How she had ended up in the arc-overs with a depressing view of Zeeland, barely 7% in debt at age 22, was an even more confusing and picaresque story involving an older man and a broken heart. About a year later, she rode a claw down the north wall of the crane, made her way across, and began digging herself back up with an almost full time job leafing tops in the neighborhood below Pan Am’s.

They made an unlikely couple, but it was an unlikely day.

By flashing the slosh tank the night before, Sears had managed to annihilate the business district. Part of the team from his shift had then cut away the remaining stays with hand explosives. As the nearby spires of Gibraltar painstakingly collapsed into the rising sea of flame, they — 29 crane ports, a winchfield and part of the vessel under construction — had become a free-floating lifeboat. They had no clippers or lift-sixes to get them to Mars, just a handful of strangers. It would be a perilous journey of several weeks, if the strangers worked at all. For some reason, everyone was still looking to Sears and his makeshift crew to decide what to do. He tried not to think about how many were dead, but he had a head for numbers: 64% of humanity already, with the chain reaction still burning its way upward into the froth. Every real ship had long since evacuated. Orbit was a snowstorm of shrapnel halfway out to the moons.

“Stress cracks are opening up everywhere,” Sears announced. “Be ready. Everyone who hasn’t, get as far inside as you can.” His plan was unlikely to succeed. Their strangers were the cheap kind used in construction. They had only been used once, and only been meant to be used once. Something exploded.

“Someone try to vent the puffers,” said Sears.

“I’m on it,” said Kalashnikov.

“Captain Sears-“

“Very funny, Temple of Athena.”

“Wasn’t me.”

“Me,” said a young woman in the doorway, holding up her hand. It was South Sea Company. Her other hand held Pan Am’s.

“Not now,” said Sears, adding up their rate of tumble. “Flip the strangers,” said Sears. The acceleration stopped. “Wait until we’re facing away, then get ready to flip them again. We’ll do something about this offcenter spin when we’re clear of the arc-overs.”

“Captain-“

“Do NOT call me that, South Sea Company.”

“That was me, actually,” said Kalashnikov. “One of the strangers just nuked Point Pleasant. Fourteen fatalities.”

“638,529 people left aboard then,” said Sears. “Left alive, rather.”

“Aboard is fine,” said Temple of Athena.

“We don’t have running lights,” said Tea Lagoon.

“What are you talking about, running lights?”

“There.” Tea Lagoon switched on a red light at one end of their bulk and a blue light at the other. “Now we’re legal.”

“Legal for what?”

“Captain Sears…” South Sea Company began again.

“Will you stop calling me that?”

“We want you to marry us,” said Pan Am.

South Sea Company smiled and nodded, squeezing his hand.

Sears turned to face them. “What is the matter with you? We’re drifting for dear life through a wreckage field-“

“With proper lights,” said Tea Lagoon.

“You should do it, captain,” said Temple of Athena, tapping her hands against her chin.

“I am not a captain! This is not a vessel!”

“Well what would you call it?” asked South Sea Company.

“Ooh, what should we call it?” said Kalashnikov.

“Just stop, everyone.”

“Somebody has to give her,” said Temple of Athena. “Hey hey, can I?”

“Does somebody have to give him too?” asked Tea Lagoon.

“Seems fair,” said Kalashnikov.

“I’ll do it then,” Tea Lagoon volunteered.

“Flip on my mark,” said Sears. “Flip!” A groan echoed through the walls as momentum began to build again.

“Shit! Cut that stranger off!” said Kalashnikov.

“What happened?”

“Strangelets everywhere. Thing went inverse, just like that.”

“Watch for gammas. They won’t all spike before they invert, but it’s the best we’ll get.”

“Roger,” said Kalashnikov. Everyone watched tensely for the next several minutes as material fatigue made itself heard. “They’re ready to flip.”

“Flip.”

Silence.

“Don’t you need a witness, too?” asked Temple of Athena.

“I don’t remember,” said Pan Am.

“Stop. Just stop…”

“I’ll witness,” said Kalashnikov. “I was waiting for something to do.”

Standard Oil and his team returned. “We’ve got Mu Mu welded down.” He looked at Pan Am and South Sea Company. “What’s going on?”

“A wedding!” said Kalashnikov. “The captain’s doing a ceremony.”

“Oh. Explains the running lights, in a roundabout sort of way.” Standard Oil turned to Pan Am. “You the guy? Good show. I thought you two were fighting.”

“It seems kind of silly now,” said South Sea Company, twining her arm around Pan Am’s.

“Yeah, I know what you mean.” Standard Oil looked distant for a moment. “Crew! Get in here. We’ve got a wedding!”

“Like a real wedding?” Standard Oil’s people crowded in, shaking Pan Am’s hand and kissing South Sea Company’s hair.

“Excellent. Lets get started,” said Temple of Athena.

“I don’t…” Everyone watched Captain Sears expectantly. “I don’t even know the…”

“I found them,” said Kalashnikov, passing the words to him. He read through them, stalling for time in the light of the boiling Earth.

“Fine, fuck it. ‘Dearly beloved…'”