YouTube Captioning: ALLERGY – A MAJOR BREAK-THROUGH IN CURING MOST HEALTH PROBLEMS!

YouTube Captioning: ALLERGY – A MAJOR BREAK-THROUGH IN CURING MOST HEALTH PROBLEMS!

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ARIAL: THE OFFICIAL FONT OF QUACKDOM

I don’t trust any doctor who can’t afford a shotgun mic.

“The pain of a two year old makes me feel nothing.”

“…none.”

REBOOT

“NEEEEeeeeeeeeEEEEEERVOUS system.”

Not if you’re choking.

“What? DON’T JUDGE ME!”

We don’t?

ARE you a doctor?

I only ask because there appears to be a boating poster where your diploma should be.

New V8 Heroin!

Like Windows XP.

But a bitch ain’t one.

There is an ELECTRICITY here!    

>                               

There is an ELECTRICITY here!    

>TA                             

There is an ELECTRICITY here!    

>TAKE                           

There is an ELECTRICITY here!    

>TAKE ELE                       

There is an ELECTRICITY here!    

>TAKE ELECTRI                   

There is an ELECTRICITY here!    

>TAKE ELECTRICITY               

There is an ELECTRICITY here!    

>TAKE ELECTRICITY               

SCROTAR needs ELECTRICITY badly! 

>                               

There is an ELECTRICITY here!    

>TAKE ELECTRICITY               

SCROTAR needs ELECTRICITY badly! 

>BU                             

There is an ELECTRICITY here!    

>TAKE ELECTRICITY               

SCROTAR needs ELECTRICITY badly! 

>BURN                           

There is an ELECTRICITY here!    

>TAKE ELECTRICITY               

SCROTAR needs ELECTRICITY badly! 

>BURN IT                        

Not Jodi BENSON!?!

But what about heroin?

Do you need a magazine? You look like you’re full of sh*t.

I always get this guy at the express checkout.

“Add a rhinestone…”

Suppose away.

He calls it Health Scam?!?

“…except in your anus.”

Enough for what?

Things.

Aside from your personality.

Not the Antikythera machine.

*Not a legal health claim.

*Not a legal health claim.

†Not a legal health claim.

*Not a legal health claim.

†Not a legal health claim.

**Not a legal health claim.

*Not a legal health claim.

†Not a legal health claim.

**Not a legal health claim.

‡†Not a legal health claim.

*Not a legal health claim.

†Not a legal health claim.

**Not a legal health claim.

‡†Not a legal health claim.

¥Not a legal health claim.

*Not a legal health claim.

†Not a legal health claim.

**Not a legal health claim.

‡†Not a legal health claim.

¥Not a legal health claim.

?‡#%$! Not a legal health claim.

*Not a legal health claim.

†Not a legal health claim.

**Not a legal health claim.

‡†Not a legal health claim.

¥Not a legal health claim.

?‡#%$! Not a legal health claim.

*%‡#%$! Not a legal health claim.

*Not a legal health claim.

†Not a legal health claim.

**Not a legal health claim.

‡†Not a legal health claim.

¥Not a legal health claim.

?‡#%$! Not a legal health claim.

*%‡#%$! Not a legal health claim.

$!#‡#%‡† Not a legal health claim!

*Not a legal health claim.

†Not a legal health claim.

**Not a legal health claim.

‡†Not a legal health claim.

¥Not a legal health claim.

?‡#%$! Not a legal health claim.

*%‡#%$! Not a legal health claim.

$!#‡#%‡† Not a legal health claim!

&?!*%‡#%$!#‡#%‡†!?! Not a legal ?‡#%$! health claim!

But the franchise goes downhill after Health Scan X-2.

o_O

-_-

/  \

o_O

/  \

>_<

/  \\

..o_O..

/^\\

..o_0..

He said, not making eye contact.

You must have travelled widely to be a quack.

Wouldn’t they just buy a scheming little dink like you out and make trillions on the patent?

Quinannually?

What percent of that percentage was pulled out of your ass?

I notice you haven’t electrocuted that thing off your face yet.

“Lick a 9v battery every day, and…”

MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU!

Not Another Game Idea

Dumped, like the browser-based kart game, so that I may free up some synapses.

The Idea:

The Unusual Bit:

  • The game can be ended at the end of each level
  • Via branching dialogue
  • With a woman one encounters there
  • Triggering a cutscene showing the future
  • The endings are better the earlier one stops playing
    • Because no one will stop playing
    • There is no woman at the end of the last level

The Story:

  • Rosetti’s poem follows a prince’s voyage to meet his unknown beloved
    • He dallies too much with wrong turns and mystical women
    • When he gets to the castle, the princess has died
  • I wrote (but never finished editing) a response
  • This game is based on my version
    • The prince meets a series of mystical women
    • He could have (should have?) stayed with any one of them
    • He doesn’t
    • He journeys on to meet his perfect beloved
    • He finds the castle at the edge of the world
    • Inside, no one opposes him
    • No one’s ever lived there

The Art:

  • Animated vector graphics
  • Multiple foregrounds and backgrounds
  • Not quite a sidescroller
    • Camera usually stationary
    • Re-centers when the character reaches predetermined spots
    • Foreground and background layers adjust
  • Foregrounds and backgrounds less detailed than midground
  • Expressive style
  • 24 frame per second character animation
  • Realistic motion
  • Zoomed in in-engine cutscene

The Gameplay:

  • A mix of platforming and combat
  • Level passwords
  • No HUD, health bars, or data overlays of any kind
  • Character can’t do anything a reasonably fit person can’t do
    • Can only fall so far
    • No twenty foot vertical jumps
    • No changing direction in midair
    • Must leap, grasp and climb to reach higher ledges
  • “Step based” movement
    • No creeping one pixel at a time ever necessary
    • One walking step the minimum distance a movement can take
    • Running, leaping, climbing, swimming, etc. all in increments

Character Mechanics:

  • No lives or continues
  • Health recharges
    • No “medkits”
    • Short recovery period
  • Character movement indicates health
    • Extremely low health makes character weave back and forth
    • Requires micro-correcting
    • With left and right keys
    • To keep character from falling down

Falling Down:

  • Not “death” as such
  • “If you want to teach players not to do something,
  • Tile the player falls on stretches past edges of screen left and right
    • Player must get up (weaving initially) and walk across flat ground
    • Uninteresting expanse takes time to cross
      • Long enough to dissuade
      • Not long enough to ruin game
    • Poem displayed in BG
    • Expanse ends at portion of the game world just as it was
      • Level resumes without break
  • No real death, lives or continues — just the expanse to pass

Levels:

  • The Ravine
    • Mostly platforming
    • Lush green riverside
    • Moon maiden at end
  • The Desert
    • Black rocks
    • Ground crawling with scorpions
    • Character weakens as level goes on
      • Heavy use of weaving mechanic
    • Alchemist at end
  • The Valley
    • Rivers
    • Final long swim
      • Lose your armor, all but knife and gloves
    • The Ariel Sisters at end
  • The Edge of the World
    • (Movement noticeably sprightlier without gear)
    • Mountain slope
    • Crags
    • Endless field of white flowers
      • Clouds
    • Castle, overgrown by enormous tree
      • Phantoms “attack” inside
      • Vanish before they reach you
    • Empty room at top
      • Plaster tubs, drop cloths, uninstalled windows
      • Overgrown with white flowers from window box
      • No one’s ever lived there

    The Women:

    • The Moon Maiden
      • Milkmaid
      • Starry cloak
      • (Midevil milkmaids rarely got smallpox)
      • (Exposure to milder cowpox virus vaccinated them)
      • (Origin of the “clear/white faced milkmaid” literary meme)
      • Best ending
        • In-engine zoomed in cutscene of player with family
        • Carefree young children
        • Spreading the starry cloak on a hilltop at night
        • Watching the stars wheel overhead together

      The Alchemist

      • Older woman, works a forge, strength and wisdom
      • Second best ending
        • Zooms in for cutscene as a couple
        • Lonely in the desert
        • Always working forge
    • The Ariel Sisters
      • Three nymphlike sisters
      • Rescue you from river in the valley
      • Flighty, impossible to pin down
      • Other two give you more attention the more you focus on one
        • One you focus on colder toward you
        • Always out of reach
      • A lot of trouble for a neutral ending
    • The Princess
      • Doesn’t exist
      • Cutscene shows only the unfinished state of the chamber
      • No ending
      • Level just leaves you to wander until you quit the game

    Why It’s a Bad Idea:

    • Engine would have to be built from scratch
    • Lots of art assets
    • Lots of animation
    • Small potential of SVG drawing speed problems
      • SVG a low priority in modern browsers
    • Animation toolchain would have to be built from scratch
      • No SVG drawing program does animation yet
      • If one adds support, it will likely save as SMIL
        • (Synchronized Multimedia Integration Language)
        • Despite being a standard, no browser supports SMIL
      • Would have to use JavaScript for animation instead
      • Animation would either have to use substitution
        • (One unique SVG image every frame, 24 frames/second)
      • Or morphing
        • (SVG objects changed by JavaScript every frame)
        • Even more complicated to develop toolchain for
        • Morphing better, would allow some smoothing between actions
        • Would allow some physics as well (cloaks, particle, etc.)
    • No clear business plan beyond banner ads on the homepage
      • Banner ads in-game would kill the mood
      • Would also slow down the browser, in the real world
    • Is it possible to sell access to a browser-based game?
    • Game that subverts common mechanics of genre to ask questions
      • Would be compared to Braid
      • Would lose the comparison

Grammy Rasmussen

My grandmother passed away on January 14. I brought a microphone and sat down with her back in 2002, then shot some 16mm film on Friendship Long Island and edited a short. Here is that film:

Click here if your browser does not display the video properly.

YouTube Captioning: Ayumi Hamasaki – Glitter

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iMLOddS-oNU

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Assassin Kurt Loder strikes again, and leaves his calling card.
.

o

0

O

( Am I being emphasized? )

True to form, MTV still isn’t playing music.
“Flashy brighty things that go PUFF!”
Come on, Michael Bay — start the song already.
This happens to gay guys all the time…
“Quickly! Into a more hideous part of the hotel!”
“Miss Ayumi! Miss Ayumi!”
“Was the girl legal even in Japan, Miss Ayumi!?”
Shiny object →
The Polaroid Paparazzi strikes again.
The Ayumi signal!
Yes, still be weebie wub
“Can I have another menu? I don’t get this.”
Yes, dustbin weebie wub
I just… There’s something she’s trying to convey… I don’t quite…
It’s always embarassing to be the opening act for a virtual performer.
Meatloaf must have had a garage sale.
“OUT OF THE LIGHTS, A**HOLE!”
Her directions were simply to flip out.
*sigh*
“THE MYLAR!”
Shouldn’t you… Shouldn’t you maybe… Get her out of there?
I mean, I’m not telling you how to do your job…
“Relax, killer. They dropped three shards in CGI.”
“Yeah, well, but…”
She’s managed by Kim Jong-Il’s successor?
May

May I

May I request

May I request the

May I request the pleasure

May I request the pleasure of

May I request the pleasure of your

May I request the pleasure of your company

May I request the pleasure of your company?

都会っ子 純情

“MY STRENGTH BEGS SEX AT YOUR BUSINESS ¿”

Boy when the drum pads come out, you know things are getting serious.
“Look! It’s Saki, from Berryz Koubou!”

“No, I’m… SH*T!

Never ask to experience the authentic Hong Kong.
“Here, let me show you the storage unit where I grew up.”
DRAGON BREATH!
HIT!
SPOON FEED!
DIP!
DODGE!
PITCHER PUSH!
FEINT!
HEAD TOSS!
FACE SHIELD!
CRANE STYLE!
GRAPPLE TWIST!
RUNNING FENCE DRAG!
BALANCE FAIL!
FINISHING MOVE!
Gay guys.

All. The. Time.

Good thing we’re spinning. We wouldn’t understand there’s a relationship going on otherwise.
“Eat it, creep!”
THE END
And much like Ayumi, our story just kind of…
…drives off, in a battered van.
Capped by Space Toast
YouTubeCapper.Blogspot.com

Feel better soon, GlitterRock!

The Largest Apocryphal Explosion in History?

The 1982 Siberian pipeline sabotage incident is something I’ve been meaning to do a bit of research on. Yes, every bad or even mixed story in the U.S.S.R. was hushed up as best it could be by the Soviets — witness C.J. Chivers’ recent problems tracing the history of the AK-47 in The Gun — but did the incident actually happen?

For years, the CIA is said to have fed defective “stolen” technology to the Soviet Union, including gas pipeline controllers programmed to eventually trigger an explosion. I’ve seen the Siberian incident reported as the largest non-nuclear manmade explosion in history, but every source is weak and third-hand. Obviously the CIA’s and NSA’s files from the time would still be classified. It seems the best way to establish the veracity of the incident would be by speaking to senior physicians in the surrounding cities. Even if there were no deaths, the casualties from the event — if it did occur — would have been high. Burst eardrums alone would have radiated for miles.

Has anyone come upon a strong source for this story, or does it remain hidden somewhere between Soviet coverup and CIA blowback?

YouTube Captioning: Berryz Koubou – Tomodachi wa Tomodachi Nanda!

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5000 years of civilization, and we’re still fascinated by the image of people doing the same thing at the same time.
Make use of your motor bootie on the ding-a-lings, they are all my friends
Sod Lenore, who looked up my e-data
Oh, my “friend”
So, this demon in the gutter, all mean to me, he tweeted “I’m a settler”
Out of work, I let it talk, ’cause, sh*t, you know?
(Sh*t, Carol)
Well then Carol now she took the evil meanie down to turn him into kerosene
I’m still mad at you for joking about me — I like bishi Hitler
Bedbugs reproduce inside a trunk, collect inside the keyhole, see me turn over
Garlic sheep, you say?
Commandant, she wept the more that she learned that
Wiimotes get thrown from Ipanema to Arizona — but not at big mean Miyamoto
Murder someone? Would she blab on me? I guess so
So selling what you need while your body’s going mean — that’s L.A., Berryz Koubous
‘Kay, now come suck him on the knee
Dunno
Now come running, it’s bishi Hitler
They’ve laid four feet of track, and god dammit they’re gonna use us.
So, good Alyssa on United said I shouldn’t sh*t on maybe all my friends
Could she get like that if I argue you aren’t ALL my friends?
Kay’s a Jew, so I say Kay, how ’bout a movie? She’s like “Schindler!”
“Mazeltov.” Oh cool tattoo, you madass sheik
Marching — Oh you had a go, that’s kind of mean — there’s a kitchen in the DoD
You know even if we banish it that kind of gag will get absurd
So now, would you guess the moaning and the jiggling and groaning were some crummy guy?
Becky, do have some salad
There’s no doubt she wants it more now she’s learned that
Gödel’s a Turkoman, but legacy-ish model won’t be sold with cash no more
Double “E,” now let them “beeches” talk a while
So heed the double “E” now on Cheech and Chong are going down. Sheesh, that’s evil
Go pack your canoe under there
Dunno
Like your mommy I’d hit that Hitler
                  ↑

Yes, that’s a bowtie necklace.

Notice that each one of their outfits would be cute if not for a single ridiculous embellishment. The rolled cuff, the fishnets, the piled-on necklaces, the policeman’s hat…
Come on, Dante, why don’t more men remember?
The boat’s got through the eastern sea to Manitoba, not to Ealing, my I know
Come on, guys; I’m wrapped in more than teen anger
The Hitler joke is done but you’ve gotta keep on mocking it
Sod that. God, no more
Come on in and let your bishi Dachau, why why?
So we’ll beat it double in, and now we teach it as a song and let it go down — sh*t that’s evil
Don’t pack your noo-noo on a dare
Dunno
Like her mommy…
…I’d hit that Hitler!
Hormones?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, woo

(In my defense, I still haven’t subjected you to °C-ute.)

Role Playing Games

You arrive in the town. You check into an inn. It’s on a back street. Out of the way. You’re wanted criminals, so best not to draw attention to yourselves.

You’ve been trying to find Tintmere since the airship crash. She should be in this town. But where?

Porcelain and little Night set off with a shopping list. You and Kell head upstairs.

There’s a window. The room overlooks an equally rickety row of buildings. Fourth floor. Lots of crisscrossing clotheslines and rising steam, people milling about below. In the distance over the rooflines: the Lightning Tower. Your ultimate goal.

Concrete pebbles fall discretely into the drowned, weedy flower pot in front of you. You crane, look up.

A bounty hunter tromps silently across the rusty pipes on the roof. The shadows of two more flit between the eaves.

You lean back in, smile, head gesture to Kell. A row of shurikens materialize in his hand, and he melts into the shadows. Hazard another glance out.

There’s a bamboo-like pole caught between your building and the one across the street. One floor down. It looks tenuous. But you have been working on your balance.

The next room? The walls can’t be too thick.

Nah. More fun to hide in the ratan basket.

Moments later, light feet land on the windowsill. Simultaneously, the door flies off its hinges. Two bounty hunters race into the empty room. They look around, walk to the center of the room. Suddenly a basket and a shadow burst to life, and both bounty hunters are flung out the open window with hardly a cry.

The ceiling caves in. It’s time for the big daddy bounty hunter. You exchange blows, and are both parried and thrown back. Not good. He hasn’t even broken a sweat. You grab Kell, flip him up onto the roof and climb out. The wall explodes. You make a grab for a drain pipe, swing out across sickening open space, and — Kell’s throw line jerks the pipe up toward the roof. You land. Smile. And RUN!

Rooftop chase, as the overpowered bounty hunter hurls force blasts after you, shredding the ancient stone. Chickens squawk. Cisterns topple. An adorable little girl tends a lovely three foot square rooftop garden; you scoop her up as you run by, and apologize, as the bounty hunter smashes her four flowers.

You give the girl to Kell, saying you’d like to try something. You insult the giant. A lot. Kell breaks left, sliding down the side of a building. You break right. It worked! He’s following you.

Crap.

Fight! Fighting doesn’t work. Escape! He catches you in midair. The bounty hunter sneers that the fee still gets paid if all your limbs have been pulled off. This is it.

Shwunk! The bounty hunter shakes you, looks around indeterminately. He reaches back. A magic dagger wrapped in lace protrudes from between his shoulder blades. He topples, turning to wood. The wood bleaches, hollows, cracks, shatters — poof! Nothing but dust.

You pick yourself up, squint into the sun. A lace-adorned figure steps toward you through the haze, waving. Tintmere!

—–

Now imagine that the preceeding had been generated: The overall plot. The long separation from a comrade. The clues that led you to her. The streets. The repetition of the larger goal. The foreshadowed tip-off at the flower box. The personally appropriate strategy options. The easy mini-bosses. The unstoppable mega boss. The setback getting onto the roof. The dramatic save. The comic timing. The race. The moral choice. The losing battle. The last minute save, leading into the storyline completing reunion.

As flashy as today’s RPGs are, they’re still not true Role Playing Games. In them, players are rewarded for figuring out how the game engine works and finding ways to best it, not — as the name would suggest — for immersing themselves in the role of the character.

How does a game engine implement literary devices? How do you reinforce the players’ choice to have more fun with the story, rather than the choice to simply learn better chess positions? Printed paper+pencil+friends role playing games have invented some interesting story game concepts, but digital RPGs still rely largely on grinding in the final analysis.

I’m not suggesting that hard work shouldn’t bring character improvement, but I sanction it only because that too is a literary device. It’s not, however, the only literary device. In the early days of computer games, perhaps it was the only trope that could be realistically implemented. Are we at the end of the beginning of computer games yet?

Those looking for something a little more crunchy may enjoy my RPG Stats Comparison Chart.

Émilie Simon

Bertrand Russel: Why don’t I know this?

G.E. Moore: Because philosophers think it’s mathematics and mathematicians philosophy!

     ~Logicomix

French musician Émilie Simon. Writes and performs in English and French. Writes and performs her own songs. Massively popular in France, released in the U.S. Wrote the soundtrack for the French release of March of the Penguins. Sweet, biting, smooth, electronic. Why don’t I know this?

Aside: The video for “Flowers” itself is brilliant; as near as I can tell it was directed by a collective called No Brain (viciously crap website here). Whether it’s a hybrid of stop motion and computer animation or just computer animation with far too much work put into making it look like stop motion I can’t decide from the YouTube video. Obviously the website is no help.

Click around on YouTube a bit. These songs are viciously good for French pop music. Why don’t I know this in the U.S.? Why haven’t my tracking cookies surrounded me with this? Has Simon been shuffled into the same hole all electronic music seems to fall into right now? Do we really need that much more room for Stefani Germanotta’s particular brand of gaga desperation?

I expect a response from high-level authorities.

YouTube Captioning: Perversion For Profit (1965) (Part 3 of 4)

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“It burns well…”
My diary!
Dan Quinn’s Ishmael?
(There are two crap sequels.)
You have a terrible science fair project.
Naruto?
But how did it go otherwise?
Ahh. The sin of pride…
I texted, “LOL MRDRD OLD MAN??.? SUP W U?”
Or, played a fair amount of Street Fighter II Alpha anyway.
[*ED- Is that what the kids say? “Cooled?” ***DELETE THIS** **]
He won a sculling race by rowing an old man?
Kid tested. Motherf*cker approved.
Oh George Putnam, you missed your calling.
M is for marijuana. The author is making up lingo.
H is for heroine. David Bowie is scary.
Plus it’s hard to snort a horse.
He’s really getting into this…
“…bicycle.”
Even if it’s a girly bike.
Brainier than Margaret Warner?
“…or Gilligan.”
Oh, and I hear lots of people get their kicks on Route 66 too.
Shakespeare made it work.
Shakespeare made that work too.
“More from Bill O’Reilly’s Those Who Trespass next week.”
“F*ck Alaska.”
And you’ve succeeded.
“…a purple elephant.”
Seriously. There were some great tits in the last two segments.
CLOSE UP
But it can be yours at the $150 level.

Call 1-800-PUT-PORN to make a pledge!

“The O’Reilly Factor, for instance.”
Not really, no.
.

o

O

( DAMN erection! )

Nor want to.
So stop exposing your children!
“…and need a scapegoat.”
Always have a licensed jeweler verify your birth.
Better not tell Aneurism Dad what the Pentagon spends.
“…but in coupons.”
How does porn cancel comprehensive sex ed programs?

(But you know a few people are bragging.)
“Much like me.”
It’s sweet that he’s concerned about them.
“…and average waist-height…”
(Currently dying in Vietnam.)
It’s a good thing correlation equals causation.
“…sass, back talking…”
↑                                                              

Vice Magazine! There it is!                            

You never studied.
…mostly father.
Maybe a little… too interested. Especially the clergy.
WORK THAT RUNWAY!
“…or would you rather they just fapped?”
“…dental, geological…”
Canyons of butt crack! Seas of santorum!
LURED INTO LESBIANISM

Friday & Saturday only at Le Shed

You mean dating?

YouTube Captioning: Perversion For Profit (1965) (Part 2 of 4)

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As long as we come.
Leave Niels Bohr out of this!
Like Vanity Fair?
Oh yeah. He’s stuffing.
↑ Tai-Pan must owe him a big favor.
(If there is such a thing.)
Just think of the chest-shaving mishaps.
one    
James Dean and the Bull Dyke – pg. 37
Hey! Don’t be dissing George Takai.
Japan?
Actually, sexual preference in pedophilia breaks down at about the same percentages as homosexuality in the general population.
Suck it in, kid.
Somehow I don’t think these kids were the hope of the world.
“Look HAAAAARD… Mmmm…”
“…those friggin’ Jonas Brothers.”
People with two vests?
← The Rails    

    This Film →

“…even though we listed it as a ‘stealth’ gay mag 1 minute 10 ago.”
“…in that they’re coherent.”
e•rot•ic Adj.– Not rotic
TUMNUS!
This film?
“…Archie Comics.”
two
several \/ persons
“…the Steppenwolf LP…”
“…nudie pens…”

8:00 PM 8:30 PM 9:00 PM 9:30 PM 10:00 PM
 PBS An Appeal to the Sodamist: Live
From The Hatch Shell!
New (CC)
Red Green
Show
Repeat (CC)

“…but then, everything hints at bestiality to me.”
Dr. Sorokinsays
← Cite more than one source.
What kind of zoo is that?
Homo Habilis: Cornholing’s king
Not that many women read Ayn Rand.
Music hipsters?
Purple construction paper guy is getting sh**canned for this one.
I prefer brushing by the cashier with the nice rack, but sure.
George Putnam: Down with the streets.
“EAT THIS DRUMSTICK!”
They say every problem is an opportunity.
Through, by, from and for.
Cool!
“…and the girlfriend who makes you hold it as she tries on stuff.”
“…recipes, train schedules…”
Chick Lit: Throwing our fight against Communism.
In print?
“…download a ‘reading guide’ and listen to an exclusive ‘author interview.’ An author interview!
How can they treat books like that!

YouTube Captioning: Perversion For Profit (1965) (Part 1 of 4)

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wvOMuScwTIA

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“STEPHENIE MEYER: A CELEBRATION”
(AND KINKINESS

FOR KICKS!)

(not the one jailed for sodomy)
“I’ve never been jailed for sodomy.”
“Elves.”
“But you can stop this ‘Fred Rogers’…”
For a free catalogue, write to the address at the end of this film.
“Quit hogging STRIP, Judy.”
“It may not be true, but it is a FACT.”

Yeah!
unseen airquotes

“…the smiths of smut. The hustlers of hard-on…!”

THE SAN FERNANDO VALLEY

increasingly worse Red.
worse in volume? Agree.
| increase and flourish | Awk.
Fox?
Finally! A growth industry.
You better watch out

You better not fap…

Remember, these are the same people who’d rather go bankrupt than socialize medical insurance.
“The teenager is by definition a pervert…”
“And yet you know them… don’t you?”
Aw. Sad octopus.
Oh let them yiff.
“…It’s dope and it’s with it…”
“…buy porn.”
They need more to do.
Here it comes…
.

o

O
( Crap, I’m getting turned on! )

.

  o

O
( Like that little slut Tammy next door… )

“But we will work until our pamphlets are on EVERY newsstand!”
“…made this octopus sad.”
“THEY WERE PURCHASED ON THE INTERNET!”
Good thing half of those don’t exist anymore.
“But not Costco. What the hell Costco? I bought a damn membership!”
Wait a minute. These are just YA novels.
.

 o

O
( Damn hard-on… )

Awesome! I love nudity!
Would the washer machine be more wholesome?
No, the gay guy mags are for stimulating the rear.
“…the sexually comfortable.”
So do Hindu girls, and they’re HOT.
(Slavery, masochism, outgroup violence…)
It might help if the women weren’t laughing at this guy.
I thought they were just failed actresses showing their tits.
Kind of the way O’Reilly doesn’t give you a clickable link when he rails against 4chan…
Or anyone with a classic tv Gidget fantasy.
↑                                           ↑

Could they have censored any less?

We’re to understand you’re not turned on by healthy breasts?
LESBIAN IMPLICATIONS
with DJ Perversion

This Friday at Le Shed

He almost drifted off for a second there.
Obbbbviously.
“Let’s stay with this frame for a moment more…”
That’s. Not. What “fetish” means!
Dr. Sorokin is one hot MILF!
Is that really where we come?
Yes. Have you ever seen real nudists?
Jump ball!
How many blind people have joined your group exactly?
And blamed pictures of people having fun?
“…and not by watching his abusive ’60s father beat his mother…”
(National Geographic)
Capped by Space Toast
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