The Space Toast Pages

Matthew Rasmussen's journal of journals on various topics of interest, published here, there or somewhere since 1999.

YouTube Captioning: Porsche 911 GT2 v Corvette ZR-1

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♬
So don't neglect your blog!
Don't avoid your blog!
You can disregard me if you please
But don't ignore your blog!

An aging douche in £60 pre-distressed designer jeans trying to look casual? Yeah, it does.

It was the talk of the cotillion.

"...laughed off the whole Sarah Palin thing..."

Zdar One?

How many odd foot of grunt is that?

"We'll be testing them to see which one carries more groceries."

And a better naughty 69.

And...

They both run out of gas.

What a clear day. You can nearly see Leeds a mile in the background.

(•)
(•)
(•)

(•)
(•)
(•)

(•)
(•)
(•)

.oO(Can't believe that bitch left me. Who does she think she is? She'll pay. Sooner or later, they all pay.)

My uncle always said that Corvettes tend to pixellate at high speeds.

You guys do know you can do a freeze-frame without physically pausing the tape in the camera, right?

"I think about my ex-wife."

Every time you take a what?

(The audio recording quality is actually fine here. No known sound codec can reproduce this much Cockney.)

"He's not bloody Roy!"

"I'm sick now."

"And now he's going to Vonage."

Please stop mentioning your Speedo.

*passes Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock in a bus*

1.5 Miles

54.45sec     55.32sec
@174.11mph     @176.82mph

Runway Barrier

62.52sec     62.52sec
@0mph     @0mph

"Proving once again how large my penis is."

.oO(Don't mention hitting his cat)

"I'll make you a deal, mate... See, if you're in the market, mate, I know a bloke who knows a bloke, see..."

Huh?

"You'll smell better."

Douchrace 2000: The Reckoning

After being flown back to the other end of the runway on a specially modified Boeing 747...

*plays with the radio*

"...not really love."

Turbo Lad! Defender of British youth the world over!

Wait, he's sitting on the right! They must have flipped the footage in post to make the other guy look faster.

You can do it, Speed Racer!

"There goes Buckaroo Bonzai on my left..."

We call it the "get down part."

The stupider the thing is, the more money people will spend on it?

"...Neither of us got laid today, so that is a draw. I did, however, jizz, in my pants."

T.M.I. dude.

You'd be sitting in traffic reading the ultimate frisbee bumper stickers on the back of a Geo.

"That way, both of our sponsors, will remain happy."

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YouTube Captioning: Conspiracy Theory: Did We Land on the Moon? Part 1

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Manbags

In fact, they're mostly mistaken assumptions and half-assed guilt by association.

You are all individuals.

Why doesn't Fox News carry that disclaimer anymore?

IN A WORLD where rockets are shot into space...

The final episode of M*A*S*H*?

Okay. I don't believe it.

"The whole relationship, just the failed gamble of two people desperate not to be seen alone."

Paper or plastic?

Or whatever else we can find.

"The eagle is now picking up a tortoise to drop on that rock over there..."

I'm glad they took the time to interview a guy who thinks he knows everything but doesn't.

Tony Nelson?

Are you trying to tell me that Bush was actually pretending to be a complete idiot?

YOU MAKE THE CALL

[Insert melodrama here]

I hope this ends with Buzz Aldrin punching everyone involved in the face.

"Yeah, it's tied."

And promptly died of suffocation.

"Umm...what comes after nine?"

"I can't get 'Fly Me to the Moon' out of my head, over..."

Wow, it's so vaguely sexual...

Blasted in his face?

With no toilet stops on the way.

"Got really drunk and did some things they never spoke of again..."

"Read a few chapters of The Fountainhead..."

The ladies toilets? A theater showing Mamma Mia?

"No, your other right..."

("Sh***ing Our Pants Base" didn't quite have the same ring to it.)

Yes?

David Attenborough: "And here we see a footprint of the rare and probably endangered Neilius Armstrongius..."

Most of us don't wear tinfoil hats and build survival shelters under our garden sheds.

Now... what were they again?

"Crap, line?"

No, that wasn't it...

♬ ...Leap of faith, leap of faith...

So he knows everything there is to know about astronomy and space travel.

"For instance, we couldn't decide what colour we wanted the rockets to be."

Michael Bay's Apollo 13

Sikh the Truth

^
|
sane

...gave him a tingly feeling.

What channel was he watching?

"I mean, where was all the green cheese?"

"A cat chasing a mouse, and getting beaten up again and again? Preposterous!"

It was Fusie the Star Sprite!

"NOOOOO stars!" *irritating whistle*

It's almost like THE SUN WAS SHINING, you twits!

Waving... wobbling... whatever.

DUN DUN DUN!!!

Okay we admit it, we actually sent a woman!

And quite rightly, too.

"Morons, we call them."

"WE LOVE YOU, FLOCK OF SEAGULLS!"

These people will be found and eliminated.

Umm, they're paranoid and delusional?

Please, our government can't keep the lid on a couple waterboardings, let alone something like this...

"Beep beep! Woo! Aliens are coming, commander! They'll never take us alive, spaceman!"

Until he was fired for being mad as pants.

Please say you're only telling the documentary makers this because it's what they want to hear and you don't believe a word of what you're saying...

"...a ten billion dollar 'NEENER NEENER' at the Reds?"

In order to heal.

To the TARDIS!

People should never assume anything.

"They defined that as killing us all."

The Beanie Baby craze?

"...an America already terrified by the introduction of the Edsel."

Sputnik: Russian for "Daddy Long-Legs"

It carried "NU - C L E - AR" bombs. Get it right, people.

"But this footage of a large explosion says otherwise..."

Crap, are we doing the Watchmen trailer again?

Did these guys know what they were being interviewed for?

These people had been reading too much science-fiction.

Ha-ha, just a little joke from me, the narrator...

"Never tell me the odds!"

You're just making these numbers up as you go along, right?

"...Point zero, zero quillion, to the negative power of, like, infinity..."

Stupid rocket, you're not supposed to explode until you get to Russia!

Please. Tell.

"And the leprechauns never lie to me."

"...where did we get all the receipts?"

Why, through the magic of CGI, of course!

Since there's no way we can pretend it didn't actually happen.

It sent them to Pluto. CHEW ON THAT, CONSPIRACY PUSSIES!

"Hey Neil, if you don't come back can I have your stereo?"

Passing the time with a few games of charades and Zero-G Scrabble.

"...God created reality television, and seeing what He had done sealed it away in the dark places until the coming of the Antitaste."

"...and then Atlantis stole the missing Zapruder footage from the Reptoids."

Scorpio Zero, Capricorn leads the series by two.

So it MUST be true!

"Switch it to the Knicks game!"

"But we're planting an American flag anyway."

Which you already said was filmed AFTER the moon landing! Is NASA hiding a time machine too?

But it isn't.

Producer:
1. Gringo Wedding (2006) (executive producer)
2. Barbarosa (1982) (producer)
3. Hanover Street (1979) (producer)
4. Capricorn One (1978) (producer)
5. Extreme Close-Up (1973) (producer)

Self:
1. Conspiracy Theory: Did We Land on the Moon? (2001) (TV) .... Himself

"I also believe Bigfoot knows where Hoffa's body is."

The pudding is solid?

So let me get this right, they're putting a later piece of fiction forward as evidence that the moon landings were faked?

"...none of us actually had sex..."

Oh please. You can't even make your toupee look convincing.

Tv monitors! It's true!

*klieg light falls on astronaut*

But they somehow forgot the stars. Remember that.

I think you've had enough...

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YouTube Captioning: Hilary Duff - Seventeen Cover Cam

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Where's the rest of your nose?

All pop idols must be thoroughly wind tunnel tested.

Cameltoe Monthly, on newsstands now.

Which character from "Full House" is she supposed to be?

"That's me in there, but little!"

Remember this song when it sucked the first time?

Crap... Crap...

Girl in midground: "Is there a way we make the slutty jumberjack thing work a little harder?"

Come on, you've done it with people in your "genre of work" so many times...

"I'm still in there!"

Reconcile the madonna and whore archetypes?

Very famine?

"Bargain shelf porn."

And now the American-born Korean girl look.

Good idea. There's always work for a washed-up candy girl ten years past her prime who'd binge-exercised coke dimples into her face by 21.

"Education..."

"Not saying 'like' every third word..."

"Pile-ons..."

"Gwar."

"This career will self-destruct in five seconds..."

This is not a hip hop song.

Posing with the black monolith.

Do they have much use for the Nanook of the North backdrop?

"Now do Janet Jackson in the 'Scream' video!"

"Ha ha ha! You're touching my body! Usually only Disney execs get to do that."

And always remember: Future punchlines don't die, they just...

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YouTube Captioning: What Is Brain Wave Vibration?

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More or less by default.

(And even more bullshit stories.)

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow...

"Hello, you're on Car Talk."

"Yes, I keep hearing a brain wave vibration..."

Is this the apocalypse video from Gremlins II ?

The "Argument By Pun" logical fallacy, ladies and gentlemen.

And like the Master Control Program, it can be defeated by Jeff Bridges and Bruce Boxleitner.

Like the Snugee.

I guess.

.oO(I can HEAR the pastels!)

It's called "Not dying."

...that he could become a multimillionaire, and bang lots of hot American chicks if he renamed his cult "Dahn Yoga" and moved it to Arizona.

Unlike rocks, or teakettles.

Uh uh.

No. No. No. No. No!

Change my pitch up! Smack my bitch up!
Change my pitch up! Smack my bitch up!
Change my pitch up! Smack my bitch up!

Here they all are.

AAUGH!

Clots?

Dammit, do it! DAMN YOU!

*pukes*

Clearly.

You "choir" your mind down?

What about after the breakdown?

Into what?

"Better" is a bit vague here.

"HEY DON'T CUT AWAY FROM ME!"

(slash wallet)

How to put this delicately...

Except, you know, cancer and stuff.

Where's the keg?

And have more sex.

With more passion and energy.

With her? Sure!

*Warning: Brain wave vibration may cause yeast infection. Do not taunt brain wave vibration. Consult your doctor if you experience any results of brain wave vibration, as they may be a sign of a more serious mental condition. Void in Utah and Florida. These claims have not been verified by Oprah Winfrey.

YouTube Captioning: Mormon Messages: How Can I Find Happiness?

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"The biggest consumer, Utah, averaged 5.47 adult content subscriptions per 1000 home broadband users..."
-ABC News

Then you're probably in Salt Lake City.

What do you think, chunky Beverly Hills Cop-era Paul Reiser?

You wonder if the lake-effect rain will ever lose input under an occluded front.

A neck brace?

"Thank you. Good night."

"...bigamy..."

"...xenophobia..."

"...filicide..."

So we live in Utah, to avoid that temptation.

"My picture!"

"Dad, you're squishing my picture too!"

"I f**** hate you two!"

Our degrading, precious bodily fluids.

Paul Reiser again?

First down. 12:21 on the clock. Romans have possession.

"Or cutting remarks."

"Suck iiiiiit..."

Messianic Apathetic

DC Comics Jesus #1 (August 1936)

"Are you gonna start the auction or not?"

No matter how many times "Scrubs" is on cable at any given second...

Please Pablo... Come to Florida...

(He's omnipotent, but touchy.)

"I don't really like thrillers so much..."

?

Wasn't that a "But..." ?

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360° Panorama: Rowboat

Sennebec Lake, Union, ME

Stitched together in Hugin from 16 camera phone pictures. Mercator projection.

YouTube Captioning: Gundam00: Celestial Being

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As opposed to whom?

Graham Norton, American supremacist.

Can we listen to something other than talk radio?

Mike Mulligan's steam shovel, no!

TONIGHT!
ON WWE RAW

The horrible truth of the Oneida Community...

Clogs?

"That's great, Mr. Lipman, but we were discussing Maria Bello's new movie...?"

.oO(Gotta... pee!)

"Ted, you ignoble bastard, is that you? I haven't seen you since Wallingford!"

"The Perseids! We're saved!"

That is one bitch of a reactor leak.

In the name of the Autobot, the Voltron, and the holy Gundam, amen.

"HEEEEEEEEELP!"

[Pronounced "GUN-da-MOO"]

.oO(I hate living in the revolving restaurant)

Just once I'd like to see a well adjusted young hotshot pilot.

Make it a yogurt, Señor Latte

You're workin' up anyone? Hell yeah

C'est Yoko. Party y'all are wee

My wish is so verby? Is it?

My suit is not that dweeby-collared

A suet pan to carry 'round

There's a war. Metal cannery

My life ain't too dear for your pay

Houdini cuckold made you talk heyyyyy...

BIGGER CHEST ^

^ ^
BIGGER CHEST

In my day, Sunrise just made bread.

That is one HELL of a greenfly.

"Ahh, Mr. Batch."

This is such great banter.

"I make the girls cream."

*squish*

"Will you shut up?"

It's tight as a drum, Boss Tweed.

"Lets get this over with. I've got tickets to Gwar tonight."

"Feeling kind of let down about life. You know. Just nothing really going on, I guess. Over."

"The plot!"

It takes a great leader to respond to a situation with peeved incredulity.

Airman Durr

"Engage the slinky under glass!"

(My girlfriends won't believe this unless I get a snapshot)Oo.

P.E.TA.?

Mobile Suit Redundant

"Warm greens in a fall wardrobe?!"

Evil McSmarmydick

The exposition has plenty of seating, and vice-versa.

Then let the battle of mockery begin.

A robot with a knife? How... "progressive."

Jump ball!

This just goes to show something, I'd imagine.

"And I said, 'Hey, what the.'"

Megamaid!

He's brave to try bangs.

"Distributing leaflets."

Top. Men.

Come on guys, they're only validating parking for another half hour.

Looks like someone only sprang for the basic liability...

Does he ever blink?

*laugh track*

"Oh Chandler!"

Thunderstarbugs are go!

Commander Rainbow Bright on deck.

The S. S. Stephanie Myers

"The perv."

"If it's not about 'Gossip Girls' I don't want to hear it."

One can of puce? You suck at tagging.

"You're totally gonna get us kicked out of prom!"

"I'm sure nothing interesting enough to require a change of strategy will happen."

- -
o

o o
[]

"Technobabble engaged."

Can I suggest a headband?

I thought Oral Roberts was heaven's pillar.

"It's as boring as it sounds."

"...Pikachu, Reddy Kilowatt, and the entire cast of 'The Electric Company.'"

*Chun Lee kick*

"But I find a bit of rouge and an eyebrow plucking intensely masculine."

*Chun Lee kick*

"Sorry! Sorry."

THEM MAKING THEIR MOVE: ACTUAL FOOTAGE

WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO SEE IS AN ACTUAL MOVE BEING MADE

This might be exciting if we had any idea what the f*** was going on.

A bit late for the annoying sidekick-thing, isn't it?

"Thanks, Wilson."

YAAY! and/or BOO!

I'm thinking Elijah Wood and Johnny Depp for the live-action film.

"I can't believe you forgot to validate our parking."

Oh just kiss already.

"Anyway..."

*turns on bouncing suspension*

"Damn kids!"

Telstar Wars

THRILL as he Command-Plusses!

Incredible how? They - snuck - in - with - the - debris.

"Or dumb as hell."

"EVERYBODY SCRAMBLE! RUN AROUND USELESSLY! THIS IS AN ORDER!"

"I'll deal with those Space Argonauts later."

And who'd want to die a virgin?

"This diaper will just have to do."

Meanwhile, in our sparse, irritating party scene...

"I'm afraid your credit card is coming up declined, sir..."

Good thing small-talk has been eliminated in the future.

Next week on Space Psychics...

"Ohmygod, this is like... tho really happening!"

"I- I think. This interface is really confusing."

Daveigh Chase, would you move!

"-ass."

Who's fighting who, why do I care, and what the eff?

Oh god, not "Ghost Hunters"

"I was watching my stories!"

"Peas and carrots peas and carrots Gundam tentacle baka peas and carrots..."

"Roger that, Jughead."

"And yet I still feel empty."

Yes, but poorly animated.

Katie Couric: Serious journalist

*begins to strip*

*takes heavily mosaiced jizz shot*

NASA Denies Coverup

Sailor Moon!

See, the banks over-leveraged themselves by selling worthless financial products to one another. Some of them, called Credit Default Swaps, or CDOs...

Where do you get a wooden backpack?

*wokka chicka music*

"But instead I'll address it to you..."

"And we're here to take you on a ska journey..."

Trying to watch this sh** kids.

*left hand tries to strangle him*

"But it is an incentive..."

"Ratings."

RITZY TITZ CLUB
ATLANTIC CITY

"The irony is not lost on us, I assure you."

Crap, wrong cue card.

Dr. Pedant

If they hadn't, someone else would have.

A similar strategy worked at solving Blink 182's inexplicable popularity.

These guys aren't home yet?!

"That's like using toilet paper to eliminate toilets!"

"Anyway, did you find that Foreigner 8-track in the glove box? I've got a craving for Juke Box Hero."

"Kinky."

Man voice!

*KICK*

"Clams too."

3... 2... 1...

The Gundam Meister Meisterbergers perhaps?

♫ ROCK and rollin' pigeons!

♫ CRAAAAZY f***in' pigeons!

♫ FLAPPIN' for their lives!

♫ IN the rock & rollin' SKIES! WHAA!

These are the people who will find you on FaceBook.

.oO(The new XB-2-425-Z-KLYNV-78-C-Mark-235-X-6-Sigma-Alpha-Beta-Epsilon-14 is out!)

"Taxi!"

"Crap, this is an appliance store."

No panorama for you, jackass.

Mix & match!

"Stop in the name of love, I guess..."

I win!

...The Gundam Bunch!

Captain Lemon Meringue and her Crew
will return in...
THE MAN WITH THE GOLDEN GUNDAM

"Ow."

ON THE NEXT GILMORE GIRLS

So, basically, Superman IV without Mark Pillow. See you then!

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YouTube Captioning: Robin Hood: The Deserted Castle

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"You're aiming for the apple, right?"

"Sure, yeah. Whatever."

And To
Awkward Phrasings

(Don't worry -- that won't make sense after the episode either.)

.oO(Crap, I forgot my horse lock. Maybe I can just lean it against the rail and fake it.)

*THWACK!*

"Yes, have you seen not you?"

"I'm glad to see when any thought makes you unhappy."

"Boink? I hope I hope I hope..."

Reply to: comm-4y6hb-127@craigslist.org
Date: 1184-07-14, 8:16PM GMT

FLASHMOB: LOLX0Rz lets all show up at 10 on Fri dressed as Snow White!!!!!! Itll be ****AWESOM*******!!

• Location: Sherwood Forest
• It be NOT ok to contact this postere with Services or other Fiduciary Matteres

"So, what, a squirrel got in your barn again, didn't it? I am so over this couple sh*t..."

Famous for its smokestacks.

"You're leading me off to my death, aren't you?"

"Not telling."

"Is this about that comment last week?"

"Maaaaaaaaaaybe."

"Look, I said the dress made you look fat; I didn't say you looked fat."

Your grandmother has this plate.

"So many useless old things, left to the ravages of time."

"Such a shame, this castle."

"What? Sorry, I was just thinking about 'Boston Legal.'"

He's got that classically dubious look of a boyfriend being told "Come see something wonderful!"

"Wait for the pan to finish."

Benny Goodman!

Careful, she can move in any direction.

"I thought she was just being a bitch."

"I'm sure no one will notice I've gone."

"NOT YOU, DINGBAT!"

The "Duke of Bedroom Your"?

A secret, passionate, romantic meeting.

"You get a biscuit."

Percocet?

"Excellent! I'll instruct my men to begins slaughtering Jews immediately."

Plan A: Just shooting them.

Were there many Jawas left in England by the late 13th Century?

"Though I do enjoy a good rogering."

"Tambourine?"

"Quietly."

BSG is done. Get over it.

"It's pointy!"

"Especially from three feet away."

"You mean my love glove?"

*cough* "What up, niggas? Me and my homies jus' chilling. What up wid j'all?"

Doesn't it take a minimum of two fingers to draw an arrow?

"Jesus, Todd! Discretion? Ever heard of it?"

The French are surrendering in fine form today.

"As you can tell by our accents!"

"We go freebooter here, if you know what I mean."

Candy?

Little John: The pilfering perv

Winged = Probably Killed

Asshole dogs?

"I had to sharpen my beard."

"Arrow through the gall bladder" being a rather difficult phrase to rhyme, I can understand why this particular incident never made it into the ballads.

Where the Redfern Goes

Are you disgraced?

"...shaving..."

*wets his lips*

"Meanwhile I urge you not to use the sense that god gave geese..."

"Indeed, he'll probably develop peritonitis, go into hypovolemic shock and die painfully within days."

Robin Hood's "merry" men

"Is there a good mechanic you can recommend?"

"More of a hostel, actually..."

"Don't worry -- the CCTV evidence is damning."

Speedy Justice Delivery!

"Too bad our horse budget's run out."

"Hey, quit getting off on this back there!"

Later, at the Prancing Louse Inn...

Oh, I see -- one of those "blue" boar inns.

"Wif! Ich am hoom!"

"And we take cheap comedy where we can find it."

But we haven't seen her bootie yet.

"What's this all about, Will?"

"Shhh! Shh."

In the days of theatre, being a pornstar was a very tiring business.

"Just until he dies of urinoma."

Cash, ass or grass.

.oO(What is that smell? Is someone roasting sheep testicles?)

.oO(They are! Magnifique!)

"They've nearly finished drowning."

"Oh!" *begins to strip*

Oysters? Ew.

"Nearly as desolate as your womb."

This is one of those inns that charges in 15 minute increments, isn't it?

"Hopefully before the fever takes you."

*picks up a pair of coconuts*

^            ^
|            |
(Speaking of which)

Mock turtleneck dresses never really caught on.

"My mother sent me to Waldorf school, I'll have you know!"

Why do they have mouse cursors on their chests?

"Was it Medusa?"

Oh it's on now.

That goes without saying.

"Anyway, I guess I'll just have a house salad."

Like a prolapse?

*begins to absently fondle candlestick*

"That's on the M1, right?"

The "Castle of the Roach"?

"Sheriff wants some alone time."

Did he just attempt a French accent? I can see why the director would have made him Costner it.

Yup. Rid-X time again.

"Forsooth! Welcome ye to Deserted Castle Burger. Be sure to ask for our Deserted Desserts menu."

XXIX. NO Freeman shall be taken or imprisoned, or be disseised of his Free

XXIX. NO Freeman shall be taken or imprisoned, or be disseised of his Freel

XXIX. NO Freeman shall be taken or imprisoned, or be disseised of his Freeh

XXIX. NO Freeman shall be taken or imprisoned, or be disseised of his Freeho

XXIX. NO Freeman shall be taken or imprisoned, or be disseised of his Freehol

XXIX. NO Freeman shall be taken or imprisoned, or be disseised of his Freehold

Robin Hood and His Useless Underlings

"Intern!"

"I founded the Ozark Mountain Daredevils!"

That must be one rusty 2x4.

Why the chem gloves?

"Sorry! The place is a mess. My brother crashed with us this week. Want to sit out at the gazebo?"

"Gesundheit!"

*rimshot

Midevil times: When everyone was blitzed and dehydrated 24/7, but it was better than drinking the water with the dead goat in it.

"Who's the rankest?"

*sluuuuuuuuuurp!*

"This is out of a box, isn't it?"

Ha ha! Oh the world was cheated the majesty of John Belushi playing Friar Tuck.

None for this kicky little woodwind ensemble??

"Sorry about all the panties..."

.oO(I still suspect nothing.)

"You idiot! That will abscess and lead to amputation!"

(Comedy)

Goes back to chopping trees, carrying lumber back to the keep, chopping trees, carrying lumber back to the keep, getting attacked by orcs, chopping trees...

Boltoned!

...are met here in secret with you.

[Improvise joke]

Minister plenipotentiary to Prince John...

Try Cantonese.

Has the back been redacted?

*floor collapses beneath one*

"A chunnel!"

You should have seen the mighty army he put in the field after taco night. Whew!

"A bear, two canoes..."

(I shouldn't have rounded off. I made it sound less plausible.)Oo.

"...with monkey power."

"...and we should race for a Covert Ops so we can build Ghosts."

Must be a footballer.

"Yes..."

*massive coronary*

(Crap, we didn't think of that.)Oo.

Duh.

"...the Eurosphere."

"The beach of course."

"Dover is so last year..."

You know,

There once was a young lady from Dover...

A whore of French interlopers?

Where can I get a whore of French interlopers?

"That old chestnut?"

Can... can we be allowed in on this joke? It sounds good.

Student Council sucks.

(Wit)

"A hippo?"

"Is that anatomically possible, even for Anna Pavlova?"

"But a life-sized butter statue?"

Tune in next week for more wacky antics with "The Molestaches."

*Clang!*
*Clang!*
*Clank!*
*Clank!*
*Clang!*
*Clang!*
*Clang!*

This week on "This Old Castle," freeman Thomas looks in on a dilapidated keep once owned by Prince Tyne the Finger Flayer.

"Mr Leach!"

"I mean I'll mince them, like meat. I realize that mincemeat hasn't been invented yet."

"That ought to satisfy the history buffs. Thanks Todd."

"BOTH OF YOU!"

Vague action sprints across the screen!

"Even the one about the badgers?"

"'Trial by a jury of his peers'? You idiots!"

Frenchman just don't understand how nice a foggy fortnight can be.

.oO(How... do I...?)

"Is that your hand?"

"I didn't say stop."

"God this makes my old loins steam..."

"But we only have three men, sir."

"I'll let the other two know."

Robin Albus Percival Wulfric Brian of Loxl

England: Where Dick is King

"Hey! Those placemats aren't free, you know."

"We've got him covered from three sides. Er, two sides just now."

"It really ties the neoclassical flourishes together."

In public?

Are they?

Backtrack?

"Mom! Stay out of this."

"I know that now because... um... because..."

French fries, Inspector Clouseau movies...

"Still, better than your friend who's gone gangrenous..."

"And into my drafty old castle."

Don't talk about the dauphins like that!

O.O

**

Rarely have I taken so little delight in a meal at the Diplomatic. From poor service to a drafty dining experience...

"Your permanent departure."

What happens when one of them needs to take a family/sick day?

"Do you want to get me written up?!"

"Call me Omar, your grace."

"Have you read this Geoffrey of Monmouth cat? Bitch must be tripping on something heavy. Merlin? Modredus? I mean, diz-am!"

"And I'm not even going to touch the one about the sheep entrails and the enema bag."

"Lets get a brewski."

Sloppy editorializing?

"Chatty old crone."

"BIG time."

.oO(Busted)

"Sir Elton John."

This is a desperate cry for help.

DJ Robin and the Hoods

"Look, I'm sorry I assasinated his third mistress. Will you just let it go?"

"That boy has fast hands."

Except childbirth, "frienemies," monthly vaginal bleeding, and the ever-present specter of rape.

"What did she say?"

"She said you're an asshole."

.oO(Thaaaat's it. Pussy whip him good.)

"R-Robin, actually..."

( ♫ Want to beeee the giiiiirl with the most cake...)Oo.

"Ow. Heels. Heels!"

The Greatest Show on Earth!

"Better get back to the torture chamber."

Boys Beware II: The Nonce Zero Chance

Good thing Bernadette didn't specify ellipses in her contract.

♫ Tolerated by the indifferent! ♫

Break it down!

Can you hire this theme song guy by the hour, when you're just out doing stuff?

They handled Ashley Hutchings?

...if often badly ♫

♫ With his box of men / ♫

*record scratching*

*beatboxing*

Capped by Space Toast
YouTubeCapper.Blogspot.com

The YouTube Captioning Thing

I've built a new toy.

With it, you can create a caption track to play along with most any video on YouTube and embed it into a web page or forum post. Html, including images, can be used to style and enhance your captions.

Watch a Demo:

• What Is Brain Wave Vibration - Captioned

Getting Started:

• Go to www.SpaceToast.net/caption/editor.html
• Copy and paste a YouTube movie url into the address field, and click on Load YouTube Movie.
• Play the movie
• When you'd like, click on Add Caption. The movie will pause, and a new caption field will appear to the right.
• Enter any text or html you'd like. Use the < and > buttons to adjust the timecode.
• Play the movie again, repeat as desired.
• Previous captions are automatically hidden. Scrub the movie back to see them again.

Embedding:

• To embed your captioned YouTube movie in a webpage or forum post (provided the forum allows scripts), click on Create Embed Code.
• Copy and paste the code that appears in the bottom field wherever you'd like to embed the movie.

Saving and Resuming:

• To save your capping session, click Create Embed Code. Copy and paste the text into a plain text file.
• To resume a capping session, or continue with someone else's, paste the embed code into the bottom field and click Load from Embed Code. The caps and the movie you were capping will be automatically reloaded.
• Here's the embed code for the demo: vibration_script.txt

Sharing:

• I've created a blog of captioned YouTube videos at YouTubeCapper.Blogspot.com

Report any and all bugs to me. Hope you have fun!

-----

To Do:

• Bug fixes? Suggestions?

Done:

• Fixed Internet Explorer compatibility (?)
• Fixed problem where the editor could goof up the order of captions.
• Create youtubecapper.blogspot.com
• Make sure that multiple embedded movies on the same page don't grind your system to a halt.
• Change the scripts into live embed code. No more going through me to get a play-only file: Just copy and paste the script onto a web page or forum post.
• Fix the caption player so that it doesn't miss captions when YouTube drops frames.

360° Panorama: Still Lost in the Fog

Breakwater, Rockland, ME

Stitched together in Hugin from 33 camera phone pictures. Miller Cylindrical projection.

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