The Space Toast Pages

The Man With the Pointy Hat

Thu, 02 Oct 2008 23:00:00 GMT

"In the current storyline, there's a lot that I don't agree with, and I made this very clear to everybody within shouting distance . . . As an executive producer as well as a writer, I've sometimes had to insist that my writers make changes that they did not want to make, often loudly so. They were sure I was wrong. Mostly I was right. Sometimes I was wrong. But whoever sits in the editor's chair, or the executive producer's chair, wears the pointy hat of authority, and as Dave Sim once noted, you can't argue with a pointy hat.

"So at the end of the day, all one can do is try to do the best one can with the notes one is given, and try to execute them in a professional way -- because who knows, the other guy may be right . . . ."

-- J. Michael Straczynski

Windy City: "To A Skyfarer"

Sat, 12 Apr 2008 23:00:00 GMT

Previously posted is a poem for the third draft of my feature screenplay "Windy City." Draft two borrows from a song by VNV Nation, but I thought it best to write something of my own as a backup. Here are the lyrics as they appear in situ:

A gust carries some equipment away and tugs at the cable. There is a loud SNAP. The workman turns his lamp away from the locks, toward the cable and finds -- a slowly lengthening CRACK.

WORKMAN CABLEFALL! CABLEFALL! The cable SNAPS. Half of it CRASHES across the trolley tracks, wiping them away like chalk marks. The other half SLAMS back into the building. The upper floor windows EXPLODE, raining big chunks of plastic on the old workman and his crew. WORKMAN DOWN! EVERYONE DOWN! INT. HOTEL - LOBBY - EARLY MORNING A low, distant BOOM. The power flickers. Nadine and her sister Ashur are crammed onto a cot in the dark lobby with the other refugees. The building GROANS in the wind. Ashur is too frightened to sleep. Nadine begins to stroke her hair. NADINE (sings) Morning clouds in disarray/ Bright and cold, this is your day/ Ten points off the rising sun/ Tell me why I feel this way? Tell me what you've been and done/ Silhouette in solid space/ Future's half-forgotten face/ Stillness grudgingly withdrawn/ Far off engines mutter dawn/ Slow to wake and slow to thaw/ You'd become my paragon/ Hope that time could not withdraw/ Gone too long, returned too soon/ Stowed and moored by afternoon/ Scrambling spotters, busy clerks/ 'Til this evening's fireworks/ Dancing through the final song/ Rubbing hair and other perks/ Heart ungimbaled, stomach wrong/ Ship returning, fortunes won/ Voyage ended, and begun/

Ashur sleeps.

"To A Skyfarer"

Sat, 12 Apr 2008 23:00:00 GMT

..-. --- .-. .. .-. .- --

Morning clouds in disarray
Bright and cold, this is your day
Ten points off the rising sun
Tell me why I feel this way?
Tell me what you've been and done
Silhouette in solid space
Future's half-forgotten face

Stillness grudgingly withdrawn
Far off engines mutter dawn
Slow to wake and slow to thaw
You'd become my paragon
Hope that time could not withdraw
Gone too long, returned too soon
Stowed and moored by afternoon

Scrambling spotters, busy clerks
'Til this evening's fireworks
Dancing through the final song
Rubbing hair and other perks
Heart ungimbaled, stomach wrong
Ship returning, fortunes won
Voyage ended, and begun

"Windy City" Enters Its First Screenwriting Competition

Wed, 31 Oct 2007 23:00:00 GMT

My first feature screenplay, "Windy City," has been entered into the 2007 ASA International Screenplay Competition. The quarterfinalists will be announced by February 28, 2008, with the semifinalists coming out April 30 and the final winners being announced at the awards ceremony at the end of September, 2008.

As much as I dread (and typically fail) at self-promotion, it's nice to be back on the contest scene. Æsop's Council of Mice was my last animated film to play the film festival circuit, following the relative success of my award-winning debut Marboxian. Owing mainly to financial difficulties, I wasn't able to do much with Mice, and I've had to focus on making a living since.

It's been mentioned a few times here, but maybe it's time to introduce the thing. Windy City is a classic city mouse/country mouse story written by someone who's been both. It has airships and fantastic cities, natural and manmade disasters, and a whole laundry list of other exciting things. But that's not why you'll fall in love with it. The real movie is about a boy from the valley and a senator's daughter from the city -- Dan Assurbani and Nineve Sherrib -- and how their lives meet and grow more and more complicated.

Windy City started life as a treatment six or seven years ago. At about this time last year, I dusted it off and set about cleaning it up. Somehow the treatment became a full first draft by April, and I had some friends with a bit of theatre experience over to do a cold readthrough. I sat on the lessons I learned from hearing it out loud, and the remaining issues I had with it, picked at it for the next few months as life got complicated again, and finally -- in four days at a friend's house in coastal Maine -- burned through to a second draft in late August.

It's been an interesting year. Wish Windy City luck.

Notes on the Matewan "Massacre"

Mon, 03 Sep 2007 23:00:00 GMT

From a description in Christopher M. Finan's "From the Palmer Raids to the Patriot Act: A History of the Fight for Free Speech in America"

The Matewan "Massacre" would make an interesting, if challenging film. Starts out with a classic Western-style showdown. Escalates to open warfare.

"Passengers on the Norfolk and Western trains went through the battle zone crouching on the floors of the cars while glass crashed overhead."

Sid Hattfield (28). Police chief, former miner. Shot Albert C. & Lee Felts. Gunned down on courthouse steps.
Albert C. Felts. Shot mayor Cabbell Testerman. PI for Baldwin-Felts Detective Agency, deputized in neighboring town. Hired to evict fired miners.
Cabbell Testerman. Mayor & town druggist. Authorized the arrest of the detectives for carrying arms within town limits.
Miners. Payed in company scripp. Fired when they joined unions.
Baldwin-Felts Agency Detectives. Seven killed by miners in initial gunfight, rest fled across river.
President Warren G. Harding. Sent in Federal Troops.

OUTSIDE

Rev. John Haynes Holmes. Eloquently denounced the violence on both sides.
The ACLU. Only a few years old. Spoke out against the underlying causes.
The courts. Widely abused injunctions to suppress meaningful picketing. Used sedition laws unevenly to ban violent pro-union publications while allowing employer publications to advocate violence openly.

"Need" in Screenwriting

Sun, 10 Jun 2007 23:00:00 GMT

A device I find useful when facing screenwriter's block is to focus on what each character needs in a scene.

There is a school of screenwriting that would have us believe that all scenes are defined by what the characters want, but I disagree. I've spent many enjoyable moments with friends not particularly needing or wanting anything, and that's what screenwriting basically is -- voyeurism. Overemphasis on need-driven scenemaking destroys spontaneity and overloads the script with tension.

Compare the following problem scene from the first and second draft of "Windy City."

First draft:

EXT. ESTER'S FLAT - NIGHT

DAN Why didn't you stop? NINEVE Well it's not that I didn't like dance, it was just the girls there. But, being a senator's daughter, you've got to have a certain amount of... She pauses at the doorknob, folds her arm formally behind her. NINEVE (cont.) Poise. Charm. And most importantly -- They enter. INT. ESTER'S FLAT, CONT. PAUL ...There's just NO WAY! Nineve and Dan are startled. The adults stands around the kitchen table. Sherrib and Tigres look bitter, Ester and Gyllian defiant. Paul is angry. We've never seen Paul angry. SAUL (from the corner) I can stay, whatever good THAT'LL do... TIGRES Saul... PAUL (to Dan and Nineve) They cut off our funding this afternoon, the senate. We can't afford to stay. DAN They can... just... do that? SHERRIB (to Nineve) They cut room and board stipends. Most of us don't use them, but the valley delegates need them. NINEVE ...Because they live at the hotel? SHERRIB Right. PAUL They called a special session this afternoon. While we were out watching the airship with everyone else. GYLLIAN Little sneaks. SAUL All this money, you'd think I could buy some brains... TIGRES (quietly) Stop it. PAUL Mrs. Hadden has agreed to let us stay here. Saul's staying on at the hotel. Hana, Hale and Tudaya have already made plans to go back. ESTER You'll have to sweep up the dust and flower petals, but it'll be nice to have someone living in the spare rooms again. DAN We don't have to go home?

PAUL (surprised) No, not yet. Not us anyway.

Second draft:

INT. SENATE - HIGH HALLWAY, CONT.

DAN Then why didn't you stop? NINEVE Well it's not that I didn't like dance, it was just the girls there. But, being a senator's daughter, you've got to have a certain amount of . . . Nineve stops at the end of the hallway, folding her arm formally behind her. NINEVE (cont.) Poise. Charm. And most importantly -- INT. SENATE - LIGHT TOWER, CONT. PAUL (angrily) Well I DIDN'T! Nineve and Dan start. Paul looks ANGRY -- we've never seen Paul angry. Sherrib, Saul and Tigres are with him, along with the other three valley delegates -- HANA, HALE and TUDIYA -- surrounded by telegraphs and windows. TUDIYA You're taking this far too personally, Assurbani. No one was expecting us to succeed. SAUL I'm sorry, Paul. I ran down there as soon as I heard about it, but there wasn't much I could do. PAUL You could've done something! Talk, waste time. . . ANYTHING! SAUL When pop's money doesn't solve the problem, I'm pretty useless. You know that. TIGRES Stop it. PAUL Why didn't you at least -- ? TIGRES Stop it both of you! Ester? ESTER Paul and Dan can stay as long as they need to with me. I have more than enough room. We need to put this in the proper frame of mind. It's a setback, surely, but only that. ASSURBANI Ester's right. Ester's always right. We're still operative. We've got to look for a way ahead. HALE You're wasting your time! Honestly, I appreciate all that you've done for us, Senator Sherrib. . . PAUL We still have funds for the hotel through Friday. You can at least help out until then. HANA Paul, let it go. It's done. TUDIYA No one was expecting us to succeed. PAUL Well I was! Dan, Nineve, come in. They are still standing in the doorway. PAUL (cont.) They voted to cut off our funding, the Senate. The money they give us for the hotel. Saul can afford to stay. Dan, you and I are invited to stay with Ester. Hana and Hale want to go back tomorrow. Tudiya, you can stay for a couple weeks, can't you? TUDIYA I'm afraid I'll be going back as well. PAUL (to Dan) So our party is somewhat diminished. DAN But we don't have to go back? PAUL No. Not yet. SHERRIB They very quietly called a special session this afternoon to vote on it. NINEVE How did they get enough people? SHERRIB Don't know. Everyone who's a reliable vote for Chairman Khorsa was there. I think they've been planning this for a while.

PAUL We were out watching the airship with everyone else.
Is the scene better? Who knows, but I'm happier with it. It satisfies my need.

(In case you're interested, I'm of the Jim Cameron school of screenwriting: "Just describe the movie.")