YouTube Captioning: Hello! Project Egg Interviews

YouTube Captioning: Hello! Project Egg Interviews

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Auditions
When I was young I got a corpse sniffing dog.
Mom said I could earn extra money, but we never really found much. Except for that Philippino mob hit one time.
You f****** don’t know what the f*** you’re straight f****** dealing with.
I will straight f*** you up until you don’t know your taint from the Pillsbury f****** doughboy.
You b****-a** c*** mongling ball-snorting p***-holes better step off before you’re yelling, “Don’t pop my a**!”
However, if my demands are not met, the consequences for you, your economy, and your very way of life will be incalculable.
I am not mad, but have been driven to this mad act by your myopic refusal to see reason. Join me in this bright future, or oppose me and meet your destruction!
But people don’t realize that Alan Thicke is also a composer. How talented is he, right!?
Still Not Quite Human was really the apex of the trilogy. (Jay Underwood was so cute!) Who but Alan could have pulled off Dr. Jonas Carson a THIRD TIME?
My friend’s turtle got gas, so we took it to the vet.
And he said it wasn’t a turtle, it was a weasel. And we’re like, if it’s a weasel then why doesn’t it have a shell?
Punch and kick are all in the mind. But they’re also in the fist and the foot. Fortunately.
Head butt is in neither. Elbow — that one’s what you think.
When I’m ready, sensei will explain how that will stop an attacker from hitting me.
Charlie was deep in the wire, and we knew we’d only get one chance to break out of that sh**.
Ffolkes was holding his entrails in with a mess tin. A f****** mess tin. Whoever patched that bastard up should’ve got drinks and dinner first.
The kids at school always tease me because my mom is a giraffe.
Mom says being different is okay. As long as you’re tall, and can eat leaves high up. She says she’s disappointed in me too.
Hello? Who are all of you? I’m very frightened right now.
I was walking past a van. And now I’m here. I don’t know where my family is. I’m not even sure what country I’m in. Please send help.
Salmon can have sex anywhere they want.
I mean think about that for a minute. I don’t mean I want to have sex with a salmon, but…
Have you heard the Good News about Amway yet? F***!
Amway is not a multi-level marketing scam. It’s a multi-layered investment sales organization! And that’s way different!
Holy f***, are any of you as stoned as I am right now?
You ever look at your mouth? I mean like really look at your mouth, while you’re talking? Look down at your mouth, right now. I’m serious. Say, “Blah blah blah.”
No one happens to know a good lawyer, do they? It’s important.
I don’t want you to get the impression that I’ve done anything. But if you do know a good lawyer…
Last week my class voted me Most Likely to Be Mistakened for a Charlie Brown Character.
I guess it’s funny, but I still feel like a ticking bomb of rage, ready to explode. Which must be what happened to Charlie Brown eventually, right?
And who could forget the climactic Russian Roulette scene from The Deer Hunter? Four bullets!
I can’t even get through a movie unless it has at least one Russian Roulette scene. Hi Mom!
I’m sure you’ll have some cosmic rationale.
But here you are in the ninth… two men out and three men on. Nowhere to look but inside… where we all respond to pressure. Pressure!
The thing that’s really destroying this country? All the sex perverts!
What should the penalty for autoerotic asphyxiation be? Hang em! Deep throating? Weird stuff? What do you think? Hang the bastards!
As an earthling, I am very interested in this concept of “waffles.”
Please convey me to some ordinary Earth form of waffle. I will gladly exchange up to five pieces of paper for them.
I don’t understand — why do they call it horse racing? The horses always win.
It’s smart of those people to sit on the horse’s back. Horses are a lot faster than men. But what they should do, is at the end they should lean out front and jump right off. You know, right before the finish line. Photo finish! Men win! Yay! You know?
I believe that you should speak. With. Punctuation.
Nothing. Contributes. More to verbal. Misunderstanding. Than missing verbal. Punctuation episodes.
I’m not wearing blush. I’m having a strong allergic reaction right now.
It might be the air up here. Let me check.
F*** . . .
That didn’t seem to help either. It might be this fabric. I’m kind of allergic to everything. Listen, I’d better go find my rescue inhaler. You guys all just chill. I’ll be right back, and we can start over. Okay? Okay!
Urban Segway tours. Have you seen these? I have a tip.
Loosen the couplings with a #5 torx screwdriver. The second that thing gets up a good head of steam, the wheels come right off. Welcome to my crib, a**holes.
If you experience an erection lasting more than eighteen hours, it may be necessary to consult with a pharmacist — even a recreational pharmacist — like me.
Allow me now to demonstrate the pain of an overlong erection… Interpretively.
While it may seem like fun to sport a multi-hour erection on a bus, plane, or the civic club of your choice, please use caution and remember this: The penis is not a sundial.
There are many popular bands in the world today now.
Manifold, as one of these current bands, distinguishes itself with the use of a snare drum. They play the snare drum with sticks like this.
Despite all this, Manifold remains popular only among a circle of fans. I may have even made it up!
Okay, and then — you’re seriously not going to believe this — but, like, I’m totally serious, okay…
She’s being all, you know, and I’m like — obviously, I’m like, whatever. So she and this other girl are all like, eh? And here I am, like, didn’t she totally start this in the first place? But that wasn’t even the really important part…
Can you believe her? So then I’m like, whatever, and she’s all like, whatever! And I’m like, “As if!” — and she’s all, “As if?” — and we’re just like “As if nothing…” And she’s like, “As if nothing nothing.” Can you believe it!? Totally bullsh*t, right? Then we put on the wigs and crossed into Finland.
We appreciate you coming in for this interview at Retail Sports.
Unfortunately, the management is not able to offer you a position at this point in time.
Please do not worry whether our decision hinged in any part on your gross lack of physical fitness, or on your poor choice of clothing. But due to both of these limitations, I fully expect the door to hit your a** on the way out.
The Rest –
Actually, it’s not me. It’s entirely you. I just thought you should know that.
It’s kind of funny, actually, because you’re probably thinking, “Oh, I must have done something…” And you did. Practically everything wrong, in fact. And maybe you’re wondering if you were lame in bed, and guess what? Hole in one! You should really stop doing that ear thing for STARTERS…
Hey there! Japanese Velma here to share with y’all.
We almost had the case solved. Obviously it wasn’t “the man” in some form or other, because that would be against Japanese conformity. Clearly it was either a disgruntled maid, a disgruntled watress, a disgruntled waitress at a maid cafe, or an American.
Maybe a disgruntled American working in a maid cafe? Nah, that only happens in anime. So Shuki and Skoubi got high as balls on blowfish treats, we set a trap, and it turned out to be a pedophile. Again.
I WILL POUND YOUR BALLS INTO THE GROUND! I WILL TEACH YOU THE MEANING OF PAIN!
You slimebag maggots don’t deserve to be 4-F’ed under the letterhead of my beloved Corp! I will destroy and rebuild you! The first and last words out of your holes will be “cutie pie,” do you understand me? Bunny hop drills — 15 — now! Move it, worms, or there will be no shortcake!
Greetings from the 2011 Miss Soybean Tokaido (North)!
Most people don’t know that soybeans are a major source of many things. Hey, watch what I can do…
Soy…
Soy… bean!
I should probably explain that my father cornered the market on soybeans in northern Tokaido over the past six years. Cross him, and you will be CRUSHED.
Hi! I’m auditioning to be the Fat One.
Even though I’m trim and in good shape, I have a slightly wide face on camera. I could be an icon to the faux-open-minded!
Hi! Batsh*t F***ing Crazy One, reporting for duty!
You ever start stabbing your life-sized character pillow, and you realize it’s not a pillow? Awkward. But what are you gonna do, stop?! Cosplayers should know better anyway. Stabby stab! …Hi, Mr. Agnew!
Assaulted by

Cute

They already packed up the boom mic, but I still want to audition for a Hello! Project girl group.
My dream is to be famous for four years, then struggle with a solo career for another six or so.
Check out this pout.
Eventually, I’ll abandon my suffocating dreams and become a history teacher or something. I might have a chance of achieving some happiness by, oh, 2025? Coolies!

YouTube Captioning: The Ancient Church (1of3)

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Hello folks! Thank you for joining us. I’d like to welcome you all to another fun riff with the YouTube Captioning-

DAH!

If a synth hit that heavy doesn’t save you, the ’80s hold no salvation for you!

In the Beginning, there was an awkward silence…

WITH ’80s LOVE FROM

WILSON PHILLIPS

We are just working Adobe Premier 3.1 here.

The Thomas Haden Story

Ahh. The born-again Baldwin.

“Verily, as ye have done unto the least of these Baldwins, so have ye done unto me” –Celebs 3:41

Yeah? Tea?

Waa hoo raa!

And now ended. Nice going, Sister Celibacy.

“To dissipate. Perhaps nucleate a raindrop.”

(By men obviously. We never finish anything.)

Gentrification?

Wherever quality churches are sold!

Before the invention of science, a candle had to be a candle in the darkness. Functional, but lacking in poetry.

“…Voltron style…”

“…and potlatch…”

“…right across from the laundromat.”

Among other things.

The ax can’t wait until noon?

“…Jesus don’t want none/ ‘Less you got buns hon…”

And one that claims to be a cheap knockoff. They’re weird.

Human nature?

Oh, this is a terrible art gallery.

We’re going in, we’re going in FULL THROTTLE! That aught to keep those Papists off our tail!

Geez, get a plant 325 A.D.

And coming soon to Copley Square, Cleveland Circle and The Shops of the Prudential!

Is anyone else seeing an upside down cock & balls?

“…loser James…”

*cough* Nepotism! *cough!*

Kinky!

Even the parts that aren’t cruel or nonsensical?

God’s all wise, he’s just not a very clear communicator.

“…It ended in a pie fight.”

15 axes? Are we sure none of them were splitting mauls?

#1. Point cannon away from face.

Faith in Santa.

Legionaries wore Birkenstocks?

The mothers didn’t trouble their pretty little heads over it.

“…and sculpt ever more elaborate brass dandelions.”

“It’s still wet.”

Count Dooku?

(90 years. Men. Gotta love us.)

                                                    ↑

                                                  Bored sick

“Look, a penny.”

“Look, a penny.”

“Look, a penny.”

“Look, a penny.”

Meanwhile, Islam.

“They are as exciting as they sound.”

What about the Coptics?

“Jesus! Shut your head off! We’re trying to sleep down here.”

Just like “Joey” on NBC.

You’d think God would have seen this coming.

1. The unification or trinary nature of the Trinity

2. Godzilla

“…bowl cuts.”

Baldwin’s voice has a comforting “what the sh*t-ness” to it.

YouTube Captioning: ALLERGY – A MAJOR BREAK-THROUGH IN CURING MOST HEALTH PROBLEMS!

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ARIAL: THE OFFICIAL FONT OF QUACKDOM

I don’t trust any doctor who can’t afford a shotgun mic.

“The pain of a two year old makes me feel nothing.”

“…none.”

REBOOT

“NEEEEeeeeeeeeEEEEEERVOUS system.”

Not if you’re choking.

“What? DON’T JUDGE ME!”

We don’t?

ARE you a doctor?

I only ask because there appears to be a boating poster where your diploma should be.

New V8 Heroin!

Like Windows XP.

But a bitch ain’t one.

There is an ELECTRICITY here!    

>                               

There is an ELECTRICITY here!    

>TA                             

There is an ELECTRICITY here!    

>TAKE                           

There is an ELECTRICITY here!    

>TAKE ELE                       

There is an ELECTRICITY here!    

>TAKE ELECTRI                   

There is an ELECTRICITY here!    

>TAKE ELECTRICITY               

There is an ELECTRICITY here!    

>TAKE ELECTRICITY               

SCROTAR needs ELECTRICITY badly! 

>                               

There is an ELECTRICITY here!    

>TAKE ELECTRICITY               

SCROTAR needs ELECTRICITY badly! 

>BU                             

There is an ELECTRICITY here!    

>TAKE ELECTRICITY               

SCROTAR needs ELECTRICITY badly! 

>BURN                           

There is an ELECTRICITY here!    

>TAKE ELECTRICITY               

SCROTAR needs ELECTRICITY badly! 

>BURN IT                        

Not Jodi BENSON!?!

But what about heroin?

Do you need a magazine? You look like you’re full of sh*t.

I always get this guy at the express checkout.

“Add a rhinestone…”

Suppose away.

He calls it Health Scam?!?

“…except in your anus.”

Enough for what?

Things.

Aside from your personality.

Not the Antikythera machine.

*Not a legal health claim.

*Not a legal health claim.

†Not a legal health claim.

*Not a legal health claim.

†Not a legal health claim.

**Not a legal health claim.

*Not a legal health claim.

†Not a legal health claim.

**Not a legal health claim.

‡†Not a legal health claim.

*Not a legal health claim.

†Not a legal health claim.

**Not a legal health claim.

‡†Not a legal health claim.

¥Not a legal health claim.

*Not a legal health claim.

†Not a legal health claim.

**Not a legal health claim.

‡†Not a legal health claim.

¥Not a legal health claim.

?‡#%$! Not a legal health claim.

*Not a legal health claim.

†Not a legal health claim.

**Not a legal health claim.

‡†Not a legal health claim.

¥Not a legal health claim.

?‡#%$! Not a legal health claim.

*%‡#%$! Not a legal health claim.

*Not a legal health claim.

†Not a legal health claim.

**Not a legal health claim.

‡†Not a legal health claim.

¥Not a legal health claim.

?‡#%$! Not a legal health claim.

*%‡#%$! Not a legal health claim.

$!#‡#%‡† Not a legal health claim!

*Not a legal health claim.

†Not a legal health claim.

**Not a legal health claim.

‡†Not a legal health claim.

¥Not a legal health claim.

?‡#%$! Not a legal health claim.

*%‡#%$! Not a legal health claim.

$!#‡#%‡† Not a legal health claim!

&?!*%‡#%$!#‡#%‡†!?! Not a legal ?‡#%$! health claim!

But the franchise goes downhill after Health Scan X-2.

o_O

-_-

/  \

o_O

/  \

>_<

/  \\

..o_O..

/^\\

..o_0..

He said, not making eye contact.

You must have travelled widely to be a quack.

Wouldn’t they just buy a scheming little dink like you out and make trillions on the patent?

Quinannually?

What percent of that percentage was pulled out of your ass?

I notice you haven’t electrocuted that thing off your face yet.

“Lick a 9v battery every day, and…”

MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU!

YouTube Captioning: Ayumi Hamasaki – Glitter

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Assassin Kurt Loder strikes again, and leaves his calling card.
.

o

0

O

( Am I being emphasized? )

True to form, MTV still isn’t playing music.
“Flashy brighty things that go PUFF!”
Come on, Michael Bay — start the song already.
This happens to gay guys all the time…
“Quickly! Into a more hideous part of the hotel!”
“Miss Ayumi! Miss Ayumi!”
“Was the girl legal even in Japan, Miss Ayumi!?”
Shiny object →
The Polaroid Paparazzi strikes again.
The Ayumi signal!
Yes, still be weebie wub
“Can I have another menu? I don’t get this.”
Yes, dustbin weebie wub
I just… There’s something she’s trying to convey… I don’t quite…
It’s always embarassing to be the opening act for a virtual performer.
Meatloaf must have had a garage sale.
“OUT OF THE LIGHTS, A**HOLE!”
Her directions were simply to flip out.
*sigh*
“THE MYLAR!”
Shouldn’t you… Shouldn’t you maybe… Get her out of there?
I mean, I’m not telling you how to do your job…
“Relax, killer. They dropped three shards in CGI.”
“Yeah, well, but…”
She’s managed by Kim Jong-Il’s successor?
May

May I

May I request

May I request the

May I request the pleasure

May I request the pleasure of

May I request the pleasure of your

May I request the pleasure of your company

May I request the pleasure of your company?

都会っ子 純情

“MY STRENGTH BEGS SEX AT YOUR BUSINESS ¿”

Boy when the drum pads come out, you know things are getting serious.
“Look! It’s Saki, from Berryz Koubou!”

“No, I’m… SH*T!

Never ask to experience the authentic Hong Kong.
“Here, let me show you the storage unit where I grew up.”
DRAGON BREATH!
HIT!
SPOON FEED!
DIP!
DODGE!
PITCHER PUSH!
FEINT!
HEAD TOSS!
FACE SHIELD!
CRANE STYLE!
GRAPPLE TWIST!
RUNNING FENCE DRAG!
BALANCE FAIL!
FINISHING MOVE!
Gay guys.

All. The. Time.

Good thing we’re spinning. We wouldn’t understand there’s a relationship going on otherwise.
“Eat it, creep!”
THE END
And much like Ayumi, our story just kind of…
…drives off, in a battered van.
Capped by Space Toast
YouTubeCapper.Blogspot.com

Feel better soon, GlitterRock!

YouTube Captioning: Berryz Koubou – Tomodachi wa Tomodachi Nanda!

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5000 years of civilization, and we’re still fascinated by the image of people doing the same thing at the same time.
Make use of your motor bootie on the ding-a-lings, they are all my friends
Sod Lenore, who looked up my e-data
Oh, my “friend”
So, this demon in the gutter, all mean to me, he tweeted “I’m a settler”
Out of work, I let it talk, ’cause, sh*t, you know?
(Sh*t, Carol)
Well then Carol now she took the evil meanie down to turn him into kerosene
I’m still mad at you for joking about me — I like bishi Hitler
Bedbugs reproduce inside a trunk, collect inside the keyhole, see me turn over
Garlic sheep, you say?
Commandant, she wept the more that she learned that
Wiimotes get thrown from Ipanema to Arizona — but not at big mean Miyamoto
Murder someone? Would she blab on me? I guess so
So selling what you need while your body’s going mean — that’s L.A., Berryz Koubous
‘Kay, now come suck him on the knee
Dunno
Now come running, it’s bishi Hitler
They’ve laid four feet of track, and god dammit they’re gonna use us.
So, good Alyssa on United said I shouldn’t sh*t on maybe all my friends
Could she get like that if I argue you aren’t ALL my friends?
Kay’s a Jew, so I say Kay, how ’bout a movie? She’s like “Schindler!”
“Mazeltov.” Oh cool tattoo, you madass sheik
Marching — Oh you had a go, that’s kind of mean — there’s a kitchen in the DoD
You know even if we banish it that kind of gag will get absurd
So now, would you guess the moaning and the jiggling and groaning were some crummy guy?
Becky, do have some salad
There’s no doubt she wants it more now she’s learned that
Gödel’s a Turkoman, but legacy-ish model won’t be sold with cash no more
Double “E,” now let them “beeches” talk a while
So heed the double “E” now on Cheech and Chong are going down. Sheesh, that’s evil
Go pack your canoe under there
Dunno
Like your mommy I’d hit that Hitler
                  ↑

Yes, that’s a bowtie necklace.

Notice that each one of their outfits would be cute if not for a single ridiculous embellishment. The rolled cuff, the fishnets, the piled-on necklaces, the policeman’s hat…
Come on, Dante, why don’t more men remember?
The boat’s got through the eastern sea to Manitoba, not to Ealing, my I know
Come on, guys; I’m wrapped in more than teen anger
The Hitler joke is done but you’ve gotta keep on mocking it
Sod that. God, no more
Come on in and let your bishi Dachau, why why?
So we’ll beat it double in, and now we teach it as a song and let it go down — sh*t that’s evil
Don’t pack your noo-noo on a dare
Dunno
Like her mommy…
…I’d hit that Hitler!
Hormones?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, woo

(In my defense, I still haven’t subjected you to °C-ute.)

YouTube Captioning: Perversion For Profit (1965) (Part 3 of 4)

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“It burns well…”
My diary!
Dan Quinn’s Ishmael?
(There are two crap sequels.)
You have a terrible science fair project.
Naruto?
But how did it go otherwise?
Ahh. The sin of pride…
I texted, “LOL MRDRD OLD MAN??.? SUP W U?”
Or, played a fair amount of Street Fighter II Alpha anyway.
[*ED- Is that what the kids say? “Cooled?” ***DELETE THIS** **]
He won a sculling race by rowing an old man?
Kid tested. Motherf*cker approved.
Oh George Putnam, you missed your calling.
M is for marijuana. The author is making up lingo.
H is for heroine. David Bowie is scary.
Plus it’s hard to snort a horse.
He’s really getting into this…
“…bicycle.”
Even if it’s a girly bike.
Brainier than Margaret Warner?
“…or Gilligan.”
Oh, and I hear lots of people get their kicks on Route 66 too.
Shakespeare made it work.
Shakespeare made that work too.
“More from Bill O’Reilly’s Those Who Trespass next week.”
“F*ck Alaska.”
And you’ve succeeded.
“…a purple elephant.”
Seriously. There were some great tits in the last two segments.
CLOSE UP
But it can be yours at the $150 level.

Call 1-800-PUT-PORN to make a pledge!

“The O’Reilly Factor, for instance.”
Not really, no.
.

o

O

( DAMN erection! )

Nor want to.
So stop exposing your children!
“…and need a scapegoat.”
Always have a licensed jeweler verify your birth.
Better not tell Aneurism Dad what the Pentagon spends.
“…but in coupons.”
How does porn cancel comprehensive sex ed programs?

(But you know a few people are bragging.)
“Much like me.”
It’s sweet that he’s concerned about them.
“…and average waist-height…”
(Currently dying in Vietnam.)
It’s a good thing correlation equals causation.
“…sass, back talking…”
↑                                                              

Vice Magazine! There it is!                            

You never studied.
…mostly father.
Maybe a little… too interested. Especially the clergy.
WORK THAT RUNWAY!
“…or would you rather they just fapped?”
“…dental, geological…”
Canyons of butt crack! Seas of santorum!
LURED INTO LESBIANISM

Friday & Saturday only at Le Shed

You mean dating?

YouTube Captioning: Perversion For Profit (1965) (Part 2 of 4)

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As long as we come.
Leave Niels Bohr out of this!
Like Vanity Fair?
Oh yeah. He’s stuffing.
↑ Tai-Pan must owe him a big favor.
(If there is such a thing.)
Just think of the chest-shaving mishaps.
one    
James Dean and the Bull Dyke – pg. 37
Hey! Don’t be dissing George Takai.
Japan?
Actually, sexual preference in pedophilia breaks down at about the same percentages as homosexuality in the general population.
Suck it in, kid.
Somehow I don’t think these kids were the hope of the world.
“Look HAAAAARD… Mmmm…”
“…those friggin’ Jonas Brothers.”
People with two vests?
← The Rails    

    This Film →

“…even though we listed it as a ‘stealth’ gay mag 1 minute 10 ago.”
“…in that they’re coherent.”
e•rot•ic Adj.– Not rotic
TUMNUS!
This film?
“…Archie Comics.”
two
several \/ persons
“…the Steppenwolf LP…”
“…nudie pens…”

8:00 PM 8:30 PM 9:00 PM 9:30 PM 10:00 PM
 PBS An Appeal to the Sodamist: Live
From The Hatch Shell!
New (CC)
Red Green
Show
Repeat (CC)

“…but then, everything hints at bestiality to me.”
Dr. Sorokinsays
← Cite more than one source.
What kind of zoo is that?
Homo Habilis: Cornholing’s king
Not that many women read Ayn Rand.
Music hipsters?
Purple construction paper guy is getting sh**canned for this one.
I prefer brushing by the cashier with the nice rack, but sure.
George Putnam: Down with the streets.
“EAT THIS DRUMSTICK!”
They say every problem is an opportunity.
Through, by, from and for.
Cool!
“…and the girlfriend who makes you hold it as she tries on stuff.”
“…recipes, train schedules…”
Chick Lit: Throwing our fight against Communism.
In print?
“…download a ‘reading guide’ and listen to an exclusive ‘author interview.’ An author interview!
How can they treat books like that!

YouTube Captioning: Perversion For Profit (1965) (Part 1 of 4)

Dozens more captioned YouTube videos, including several complete feature films, at YouTubeCapper.Blogspot.com. Create your own embeddable captioned YouTube videos here.

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“STEPHENIE MEYER: A CELEBRATION”
(AND KINKINESS

FOR KICKS!)

(not the one jailed for sodomy)
“I’ve never been jailed for sodomy.”
“Elves.”
“But you can stop this ‘Fred Rogers’…”
For a free catalogue, write to the address at the end of this film.
“Quit hogging STRIP, Judy.”
“It may not be true, but it is a FACT.”

Yeah!
unseen airquotes

“…the smiths of smut. The hustlers of hard-on…!”

THE SAN FERNANDO VALLEY

increasingly worse Red.
worse in volume? Agree.
| increase and flourish | Awk.
Fox?
Finally! A growth industry.
You better watch out

You better not fap…

Remember, these are the same people who’d rather go bankrupt than socialize medical insurance.
“The teenager is by definition a pervert…”
“And yet you know them… don’t you?”
Aw. Sad octopus.
Oh let them yiff.
“…It’s dope and it’s with it…”
“…buy porn.”
They need more to do.
Here it comes…
.

o

O
( Crap, I’m getting turned on! )

.

  o

O
( Like that little slut Tammy next door… )

“But we will work until our pamphlets are on EVERY newsstand!”
“…made this octopus sad.”
“THEY WERE PURCHASED ON THE INTERNET!”
Good thing half of those don’t exist anymore.
“But not Costco. What the hell Costco? I bought a damn membership!”
Wait a minute. These are just YA novels.
.

 o

O
( Damn hard-on… )

Awesome! I love nudity!
Would the washer machine be more wholesome?
No, the gay guy mags are for stimulating the rear.
“…the sexually comfortable.”
So do Hindu girls, and they’re HOT.
(Slavery, masochism, outgroup violence…)
It might help if the women weren’t laughing at this guy.
I thought they were just failed actresses showing their tits.
Kind of the way O’Reilly doesn’t give you a clickable link when he rails against 4chan…
Or anyone with a classic tv Gidget fantasy.
↑                                           ↑

Could they have censored any less?

We’re to understand you’re not turned on by healthy breasts?
LESBIAN IMPLICATIONS
with DJ Perversion

This Friday at Le Shed

He almost drifted off for a second there.
Obbbbviously.
“Let’s stay with this frame for a moment more…”
That’s. Not. What “fetish” means!
Dr. Sorokin is one hot MILF!
Is that really where we come?
Yes. Have you ever seen real nudists?
Jump ball!
How many blind people have joined your group exactly?
And blamed pictures of people having fun?
“…and not by watching his abusive ’60s father beat his mother…”
(National Geographic)
Capped by Space Toast
YouTubeCapper.Blogspot.com

YouTube Captioning: Clean Coal Success Story

Find more captioned YouTube videos from KKDW, TheDiva, GlitterRock and myself at YouTubeCapper.Blogspot.com. Create your own embeddable captioned videos here.

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TONIGHT WE DINE IN HELL!
Fishing next to a 50 year old coal plant. Get ready for the Big Lie, folks.
Rednecks?
“Far as we could get from this sh** hole.”

“Tha’s right.”

SOFT FOCUS = SINCERITY
UNRELATED TESTIMONIALS = RAPPORT
“…your wife.”
I should say so!
“Still f*ckin’ your wife, Ted.”
That’s easy to remember.
You put little suits on steam?
“We’re going to be using steel, which is metal. And burn coal, which burns.”
Heeeeeeeere they come to snuff the Bruce Na…
It can’t be that important…
Enter your own damn text.
It means 40% efficiency, vs. the 37% of hundred-year-old technology.
PARTIAL FOCUS = EVEN MORE SINCERITY
(Added in post.)
TIME LAPSE CLOUDS = THOUGHTFULNESS
(Also works with bodies of water, stars, hilly forests.)
It’s basically a big Dirt Devil.
“And about 5 million tons of CO2 per annum.”
If you’d like to know what these a**holes are actually on about, Council Bluffs #4 happened to be the first coal plant built after the EPA began forcing the power industry to reduce mercury emissions. There are three older plants on the site, each releasing 5x the mercury of #4. We have two more minutes — think they’ll mention any of this?
GREEN STUFF = FRIENDLY
They’re circulating, are they?
Rape, larceny, poor dental hygiene…
You built. A fourth. Plant.

That means more pollution, you carpetbagging twat.

“And global warming was made up by Al Gore, so…”
“Fish sticks.”
Walri? Kid’s nothing if not ambitious. And a bit stupid.
I’m sorry, which disease did you catch?
I only speak New England Redneck, can you repeat large portions of that?

TMI, dude.

“That was no fish, that was my wife!”
*boom!*
FAMILY TESTIMONIAL = TRUST
“Just not in any way that affects me.”
BACKLIGHTING + FILL = CALM
“Something heavier than the lure.”
MULTIPLE MATCH CUTS = CLOSURE
HITACHI: Doing the Minimum Required by Law™
And expecting a handjob for it!
Capped by Space Toast
YouTubeCapper.Blogspot.com

YouTube Captioning: Jesus and Moses Went Golfing

The YouTube Captioning Thing has been upgraded to handle higher resolution videos. Find more captioned videos from KKDW, TheDiva, GlitterRock and myself at YouTubeCapper.Blogspot.com. Create your own embeddable captioned YouTube videos here.

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“…you said we’d be in the desert for a week.”
Book of Clubs: 8 wood 4
Please don’t do that.
Spreads a choirboy’s anus, and…
Jesus doesn’t handle confrontation well.
But it’s hard to make par with your penis.
Passive-aggressively immitating Charlie Chaplin.
Moses was just being an asshole.
Is Jesus doing the sound effects too?
( / 2) –
For more of God being a dick, please read the Old Testament.
God is just sick of your masturbating.
(The guy reaching for the man with the limp penis.)
Did he say when?
.

o

O

(He’s right… He’s right… That’s right… Oh my god, that’s so right…)

Did they know how condoms worked?
“BASTARDS!”
It also lets SATAN crawl up your hoo-ha.
“You… SLUT.”
Actually, the Catholic church has spent the last thousand years debating the point of “ensoulement” without coming to any solid consensus.
Something that happens naturally to 60-80% of fertilized eggs anyway. (Yes, fertilized eggs.)
Wait, when did logic come into the Catholic church?
Or “GALILEO WAS RIGHT!” prior to Nirvana dropping the Nevermind album.
There there, Thomas Aquinas, William of Occam and Aristotle — the molestache man is almost done.
Yes, I can clearly see the moral and logical problem you’ve backed yourself into.
←Bad    Good→
“Sorry about your son’s sphincter, here’s some money…”
Do you get the feeling that somewhere there’s a shop class missing its wacky teacher, and the girls are having to use the bandsaw without someone leaning over to guide both of their hands?
Brought to You by Your Ashur-Worshipping Friends in Ninveh:

Capital of the Ancient Assyrian Empire

Capped by Space Toast
YouTubeCapper.Blogspot.com

YouTube Captioning: 2010 K-POP Single Chart (March Week 3)

So many more captioned YouTube videos, including several feature films, at YouTubeCapper.Blogspot.com. Create your own embeddable captioned YouTube videos here.

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2010: A K-Pop Odyssey
“What!?”
“Ow!”
“Quit it!”
“Dammit!”
“Quit shoving!”
It could be gas.
Translation: “…but the Body Shop was closed!”
            ↑

To be fair, chicks with violins rock.

           

To be fair, chicks with violins rock.

Shouldn’t he be wearing tissue boxes on his feet?
“Go my child! Escape from the man fairy!”
To be exact, love, a can of Red Bull, and two shots each of Bacardi and Jagermeister taught me to drink.
“Play it again, Chan.”
“My urine sample!”
.

o

O
(Dammit, I’m almost out of condiments)

Seeing as this appears to be a tv show theme, you’d think cutting a video wouldn’t have been ponderous.
If you squished today and twenty years ago together, this is the horrible clothing you would end up with.
I thought HOPPER + DRAMA = EASY RIDER
(Shouldn’t this be over?)
Boyz II Twatz
Walk into the damn light!
You: zip up
You: unzip
What about Noein?
8eight appears with 2AM and 4Men in the new release Now 7hat’s What 1 Call 1nexplicable Use of Digits #7.
Where do you get a belt with a heat exchanger?
Not his usual look. He came here straight from dodging the “100M from a school or playground” restriction slapped on him by the judge.
There’s a joke you’re not in on here: The band is called “4Men,” but there are three of them, without a testicle between them.
I Can’t (Theme to Virginia Woolf’s “To the Lighthouse”)
I want to enjoy this, but there’s an air of barely-contained desperation around these women.
See what I mean?
; _ ;
^_^
You do know they make unobtrusive mics, right?
Love. I’m noticing a theme here.
Falling Down II: Lady Luckless
A sewer in my bed…!

[INSERT EMOTION HERE]

“Hey! It’s only raining in front of the camera!”
Yay! The shocker song!
Two in the pink, one in the stink! Shock! SHOCK!
Maybe they’re saying “shuck.” It could be a corn song.
But didn’t get a wrist or a finger
Goddamn the cur
Jack, that cat

(He’s technically a woman but don’t tell the officer)

Korean is not a language you can “spit.”
People who won’t even dog-ear a page run in fear from
Marginalia Man!
The hand bump. Classic.

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Well don’t everybody run away. Somebody’s got to clean up around here.
*Lloyd Thaxton pedals through*
I knooooow a little place/ Not far from town/

(Gotta go) A kind of pretty place/ Three up, two down

Ahh. The Korean Miley.
“Good. Gooooood…”             ↑
Another song with “love” in the title. Take a drink.
Confirm. Deny.
You take that back!
Usually you have to be near a base to get Cum-Shot Happy Entertainment in Korea.
Not that I’d… know….
I’m getting a little sick of running too.
What are we running from, at least?
Stop telling me what to do!
+5 Chain Mail? She can’t equip that until level 15!
Does lupin grow in Korea? Or is this a posh remake of “Hungry Like the Wolf?”
Sarah Jessica Park Hyor
“Wait! I’ll get furniture! I swear.”
“Or a door! At least I’ll get a door!”
I hear the Marvel continuity nazis sh*t kittens when Dazzler moved to Korea and had a son.
“Or scenery outside of the windows! Anything!”
“You know I love you more than my cheap particle effects! Please!”
Sentinel attack! Hit the deck.
Gee. This video.
Cut scenes from a movie in, and it’s MTV: 1988-1994.
(For those younger people in the audience, MTV used to play music.)
BubbleLove.com was already registered. And she was NOT happy with what she found there.
Someone lob another mortar.
2AM: The all fighting-game-villain band
Yes, you did wrong. Now comb it flat again.
Did anyone else just see Kim Jong Il?
D’oh, my bad!
Look, we’ll see if we can sort it out with super glue…
What’s with the fourth grade love note? I thought child molestation was only big in Japan.
She been driving me so blue
I’ll not chicken out again!
Her mom’s so cocky…
Young as kids can get…
Yes, “T-ara” is #1. We haven’t been counting up.
I know someone who goes crazy because of his violent psychoses. Y’all should hang.
Somewhere in Seoul: “It’s peurile, but it doesn’t have an annoying repeated phrase. Who wrote that ‘Oh Oh Oh Oh’ bit for T-ara? Get me that bastard. That bastard sh*ts gold records!”
“What a world!”
Chunky? Lady, Gainax characters are chunky compared to you.
Fosse!
To recap #1: Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, chunky-chunky-chunky-chunky-chunky-chunky-chunky, Satan’ll never reach out.
Capped by Space Toast
YouTubeCapper.Blogspot.com

YouTube Captioning: Duck and Cover

So many more captioned YouTube videos at YouTubeCapper.Blogspot.com. Create your own embeddable captioned YouTube videos here.

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And to the sound of the Dumb Dumb song, we welcome you to a classic piece of WTF.
The Allegory of Bertrand Russell
Clearly.
Wh-? Where did-?!

Oh god, the monkey was a suicide bomber!

He didn’t speak unless spoken to…
“FOR THE CAUSE -!”
*bits of dead monkey begin to fall*
“Plod along mindlessly, and withdraw within yourself when there’s unrest.”
*instinctively mashes the Top Menu button*
“…any unathorized rebroadcast, retransmission, or relocation without the express written consent of the Civil Defense Administration is prohibited.”
I think Bert’s pretty much “out” already.
“You’re a puss.”
Scenes from “Burt the Turtle Fights VD”
Emotionally?
Sometimes monkeys just blow themselves up.
“Under my hairpiece, children.”
But do we understand its needs?
“Such as school desegregation.”
Alert the FBI if you see anyone talking to unknown fires in your neighborhood.
Hitler!
“If you ever need to drill a fire.”
“Herbie: Fully Loaded” should be avoided at all costs.
“Our ragamuffins shall protect us from the cars.”
Or risk suburban ostracism.
Pre-Tweens
Chances are you won’t.
If you’re not lucky enough to be vaporized instantly.
Or will again.
Miss Rumphius: Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb
“Burn your shadow into the pavement…”
“It can menace people near drugstores, and smoke marijuana.”
Please. Bert is boiled like a sweet in there.
“Oh yeah. Oh god yeah.”
Did you know your homeowner policy doesn’t cover atomic brinksmanship?
Shame-wise
With your face?
Cover your back with your septum.
“Isn’t this f*cking bullsh*t? Wouldn’t we f*cking die anyway?”
“Shut the f*ck up, Betty.”
Sometimes you will see the monkey, sometimes you will not.
“Permission to go faster, sir.”
“PBS. No, the Mrs. Slocum’s Pussy tote bag is at the $200 level.”
“Does that look like an atomic bomb to you?”
You may be playing with yourself when the signal comes.
FASTER! TRAMPLE EACH OTHER, YOU F*CKERS! THE WEAK WILL NOT REPRODUCE UNDER THE NEW ORDER!
“Galactus!”
In your perfectly pressed suit.
Near the liqueur cabinet.
If you’re in Chinatown…
“It’s in my soundproofed apartment, right up there…”
“Let go of my elbow.”

“Forget it, baby. It’s… Chinatown.”

“…you may encounter a Beatnik.”

“Me?”

Unless you’re The Flash.
“When they dump your books, dive into a fetal position, screaming like a little girl. Watch…”
“Ugod! Wah! Stopit! Stopit! Aaugh!”
“See how he’s wet himself?”
“That’ll keep them from stuffing you in the janitor’s cart.”
“Expect them to spit on you. Fortunately, no one can jack off fast enough to soil you in that manner.”
I’ll take my chances with the bomb, thank you.
Except the room itself.
“IT’S THE END OF THE WORLD, KIDS! INCEST! DRUGS! WAAAH! HA HA HA HA!”
“…they’ll never live down the shame.”
“Out of my way, b*tch!”
“Too bad they won’t be around to enjoy it.”
“A feeble attempt, really.”
“Future civilizations will be amused by the shapes they leave in the half-molten topsoil.”
GAH! They are!
Did she put her head through the cladding?
Or her head will be preserved, anyway.
“Tony regularly wets the bed as a result. Tony’s dad beats him.”
Tony, can I recommend the other side of the wall?
Tony thinks that if he can’t see the shockwave, it can’t see him.
“Notice how he weeps, and curses Oppenheimer.”
Any unnecessary rubbing or thrusting he does is condoned by the United States Government.
“He’s armed, so be careful of him in the ensuing anarchy.”
“No matter how mad his demands.”
The armored schoolbus
“Has it ever been cleaned down here?!”
“The glass may melt and splash across your body, casting your final scream in a hideous crystalline death mask.”
“Stop eating the cooking fuel!”
If they know what’s good for them.
Or they believe it, and that’s the important bit for civil control.
As long as it’s made of 3″ thick lead.
“Which shouldn’t be much of anywhere, or you’ll just be getting what’s coming to you, you slut.”
That could have gone so many kinds of wrong.
“In all likelihood, falling structures will do this for you.”
“Seriously, what the f*ck?”
“Review the life flashing before your eyes, as the air fills with a sound and smell of sizzling bacon.”
“…lose that virginity fast.”
Kill every monkey you see.
Don’t call him Barry Allen?
Next from Astoria Public Schools, don’t miss “It’s a M.A.D., M.A.D., M.A.D., M.A.D. Cold War.”
Capped by Space Toast
YouTubeCapper.blogspot.com

The YouTube Captioning Thing Upgraded

I’ve added a second mode to the YouTube Captioning Thing. The original version allowed you to create a running commentary beneath any embeddable YouTube video. The new version has a second mode where the captions appear directly on top of the video. Here’s a demo:

peZqaHd06xk
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The original Lloyd Thaxton was a retired Grand Rapids machinist who would stand in a long raincoat and leer at the camera for an hour a day. His program ran from 1952-1960.
Back when you had to be drunk to work as a television announcer.
“With a sound as gay as their sportcoats!”

*crowd cheers*

The escalation in Vietnam?
“And other pop culture cliche crap! DAMMIT, JACK, WHERE’D YOU-? Oh, it’s in my hand…”
Thank god we invented teen sex.
What’s Dorothy doing back there? The Funky Mashed Chicken Potato?
This is what the hep crowd would be doing on a Friday night if Strom Thurmond had won the Presidency.
Where?
That’s Lake Michigan.
Well, there are a few.
I thought you said there wasn’t a cloud in the sky.
.
o
O
(Two more verses! I can make it!)

*puff puff*

The abandoned mortuary?
Maybe the old vomit factory?
Oh! The weird church on the dump road, in that trailer.
Over… over here now, dude.
Hello?
.
o
O
(It can’t be my healthy 3-pack-a-day habit, why am I so beat?)
Gomez Adams: Bandleader
The grand tradition of American songs that use up their material in 90 seconds but just keep f*cking going.
Thinking about Rayon dress pants on a bicycle seat, I hope this guy didn’t have balls when he started doing this.
Dorothy, what are you doing?
Wait, he’s not really singing!
“WE’RE EASILY ENTERTAINED!”
“Anyone got some Gold Bond?”
“…he’ll never work in this business again.”
That’s the choke.
Christian Bale, Nixon Youth
“Ixnay on your ex-life-say.”
“David, I understand you’re warehoused at the vocational school…”
“Michelle, you’re not any part negro are you? It doesn’t work on negros.”
“The same.”
*jing jing!*
Do the faggoty little ribbons come with it?
“–and fight.”
Wait, what?
Is this Britain during the rationing?
“But none for you, Dorothy — I said ‘dancers.'”
“CANNED GOODS!”
And the teenagers rebel by going away.
Capped by Space Toast
YouTubeCapper.Blogspot.com

YouTube Captioning: Morning Musume – Onna ni Sachi Are

Many more captioned YouTube videos at YouTubeCapper.Blogspot.com. Create your own here.

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Average Ages

Morning Musume: 20

Tanpopo: 17

Berryz Kobo: 16

°C-ute: 15

(You’re welcome.)

Oh god, this is one of those sh*tty uploads where the sound is out of sync, isn’t it?
The director’s concept this time: “King Kong before the monkey shows up.”
Hugh wooed Heaney
That’s all garlic?
Condone cool weed. Neat, a wigwam
Elephant, no, Coochie Goosy
“Mother may we,” we know the rules
Let me tell her, Miss Asinine
God an emo, meet sinners armed
Sure you can’t debug Camino, why could she?
Gnu, gnu, sheep, pig
Ya, I know 9-pin
BACKHAND ME!
BACKHAND ME!
BACKHAND ME!
Double sheeting
I know Tony
Don’t let it travel on the back of me!
Yoghurt is yummy today!
I want him to cower
Sh*t I was saying you could do well
Day old Dominos
In Jew movie saloons
The cartoons
I’d like to go today
My outfit tangled a sardine
Oh, and I need some cheap art, eh?
I sat here, you know buddy
First bridge, and I’m still not sure about the sound sync.
I suppose if straight men costumed them they wouldn’t be wearing anything
Took her eating
A coke girly
Jenny mooned you? Dude, that’s your car
With those sheep they “knew” Killarney
I let them in, he says she said
I’m damn near shaking
Murdered Nietzsche
Took her emo nail like a shiv
She’s out busted — Eee! — to tomb I laid the cow
Aladdin, Nemo — get your cousins
BACKHAND ME!
BACKHAND ME!
BACKHAND ME!
I’m no condom
Eat your curry
Now can you see I’m no amateur?
Your eyes allow me to neck
A-A-e-choo! Cool wad
Sh*t, I was saying you could do well
Someone should docket her
Cool comb-over, Harry
So can you
Our life’s so cold today
Why does she care you cooked her lab?
Oh — mmm — I need some cheap art, eh
I sang here. You’re normal, eh?
What does a boa do exactly?
This is a weird version of Chicken Little.
I can’t tell what’s bad choreography, what’s bad costuming, and what’s bad lighting.
Allow me to cavort
She-Owl was sent to cool the world
Deal out those dominos
And to your own bitch, salut
Chicken, mmm!
I’ll have some coke-odin
Mad Hatter thinks of us as Eve
Odin, I need the chief RA
Outside here you’re normal, eh?
I’m ready to go’way
Sh*t, hours singing your cool new wail
So won’t you die, killer?
A true cover headache
Suck it, do
A lesser coma day
Why don’t you care, you crooked liar?
Oh what a nasal, cheap “artist”
Outside here you’re nobody
“A monkey?”
“MY monkey!”
“Her monkey?”
“Which monkey?”
“That monkey.”
“Monkey.”
“Monkey.”
“MONKEY!”
Incoming 747!

Capped by Space Toast
YouTubeCapper.Blogspot.com

YouTube Captioning: “In Search Of… Atlantis” (Part 2 of 3.)

This is part 2 of a roundtable captioning project between myself and contributors KKDW and TheDiva. Part 1, captioned by KKDW, can be found on the YouTube Captioning blog. TheDiva’s part 3 will appear there as well. Many more captioned YouTube videos — including our first completed feature film, courtesy of TheDiva — may be found at YouTubeCapper.Blogspot.com. Create your own here.

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But could it run Doom?
When was the first non-sequitur invented?
(Except the stuff that is like it.)
Plato’s metaphorical Atlantis…
“Ruined”
Maybe it was mixed in from another puzzle. Are any of your other puzzles missing a piece?
In an analogy, for instance…
“Beyond” in which direction?
Santorini must lie to the west, in the Atlantic ocean?
“But first, I’d like to sing a little song about the most famousest of all hobbits…”
YOU BLEW IT UP! YOU MANIACS!
These fish were once cockerel.
And impossible, if you’re a Conservative.
Obsolete Science Bingo

Lamarckism Miasma Theory Telegony Vital Essence Theory Emission Theory of Vision
Aristotelian Gravity Aether Plum Pudding Model Rutherford Model Geocentrism
Newtonian Gravity Steady State Theory FREE
God
SPACE
Flat Earth Theory Hollow Earth
Catastrophism Expanding Earth Theory Creationism Land Bridge Theory Freudian Dream Symbolism
Humours Theory of Disease Homeopathy Phrenology Alchemy Psi
Obsolete Science Bingo

Lamarckism Miasma Theory Telegony Vital Essence Theory Emission Theory of Vision
Aristotelian Gravity Aether Plum Pudding Model Rutherford Model Geocentrism
Newtonian Gravity Steady State Theory FREE
God
SPACE
Flat Earth Theory Hollow Earth
Catastrophism Expanding Earth Theory Creationism Land Bridge Theory Freudian Dream Symbolism
Humours Theory of Disease Homeopathy Phrenology Alchemy Psi
Is ANYONE else seeing the giant loaf of uncooked bread dough?
Only to be wined, dined and disappointed, and left with a disease.
“And he stresses that it’s for sale.”
Like love.
I’m beginning to trust Dr. Ashur less and less.
So we sit and draw pictures for the tourists.
“And that they might have artificially inseminated cattle.”
“But you’re mean, and I’m not showing it to you.”
Obsolete Science Bingo

Lamarckism Miasma Theory Telegony Vital Essence Theory Emission Theory of Vision
Aristotelian Gravity Aether Plum Pudding Model Rutherford Model Geocentrism
Newtonian Gravity Steady State Theory FREE
God
SPACE
Flat Earth Theory Hollow Earth
Catastrophism Expanding Earth Theory Creationism Land Bridge Theory Freudian Dream Symbolism
Humours Theory of Disease Homeopathy Phrenology Alchemy Psi
Obsolete Science Bingo

Lamarckism Miasma Theory Telegony Vital Essence Theory Emission Theory of Vision
Aristotelian Gravity Aether Plum Pudding Model Rutherford Model Geocentrism
Newtonian Gravity Steady State Theory FREE
God
SPACE
Flat Earth Theory Hollow Earth
Catastrophism Expanding Earth Theory Creationism Land Bridge Theory Freudian Dream Symbolism
Humours Theory of Disease Homeopathy Phrenology Alchemy Psi
“The E.U.”
Obsolete Science Bingo

Lamarckism Miasma Theory Telegony Vital Essence Theory Emission Theory of Vision
Aristotelian Gravity Aether Plum Pudding Model Rutherford Model Geocentrism
Newtonian Gravity Steady State Theory FREE
God
SPACE
Flat Earth Theory Hollow Earth
Catastrophism Expanding Earth Theory Creationism Land Bridge Theory Freudian Dream Symbolism
Humours Theory of Disease Homeopathy Phrenology Alchemy Psi
Obsolete Science Bingo

Lamarckism Miasma Theory Telegony Vital Essence Theory Emission Theory of Vision
Aristotelian Gravity Aether Plum Pudding Model Rutherford Model Geocentrism
Newtonian Gravity Steady State Theory FREE
God
SPACE
Flat Earth Theory Hollow Earth
Catastrophism Expanding Earth Theory Creationism Land Bridge Theory Freudian Dream Symbolism
Humours Theory of Disease Homeopathy Phrenology Alchemy Psi
“And the Smiling Freak.”
Thousands more equally vague predictions that couldn’t be shoehorned into anything are kept in a U-Store-It downtown.
Both vaguely.
No, when he was very sick, he predicted his death within the next four days.
Who didn’t?
No, a death of a President… sometime.
And other loopy sh*t.
He was wrong.
When did he write “I’m Your Boogie Man”?
So not in ’68 or ’69, and not involving any geological upheavals then?
“…In the Atlantic.”
This is the only somewhat regular-looking bit, by the way.
Groupers!
“Leonard, must you work huge white bottoms into every single script?”

“Shut it! And get me another f***ing Gandalf robe.”

“And in other places with similar geology.”
1. STFU

2. GTFO

3. They’re the teeth of a giant space hippopotamus.
4. After Eight mints… OF THE GODS!
5. Some madman has leaked the secret of T-squares to the coral.
What could go wrong?
And the candlestick maker.
“Nothing gay happened.”

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YouTube Captioning: Morning Musume – Kanashimi Twilight

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IANoK9E2pAg

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Human Instrumentality Continues

However, due to time constraints…

You can’t beat the fit of a PVC blouse.
“YOU WANNA SEE UP MY SKIRT?!”
Who was in charge of the Pepto color scheme?
A zucchini sunset o’er Eden
You heard me: Eat that cumin leavened in air
Gecko went, “Coochie-coo, get more!”
That guy who covers Ood in tallow
It’s a mole!
Come on man, Thayer’s the sh*t; good day!
Ben wa? My toucan? Man, douchy.
Kick a tooth, get dumb and go and use a sheep
Guitar!
Oh take me! Not there. Not there. Sh*t, it’s genetic?
Go back there, back there — Ooh, super curry!
You’ll need white cake or lying Sheens to meet the yob
Go get an anchor, an anchor, or soap from Goa
To keep your, keep your cheek out of doorbells
A book of crap, its name is Twilight
When in Japan, ride the Freudian pink tube.
Co-E.D. ocho to eat here
So let that coed tumble she next to me
In book of love, Coco’s the tan dude
And I make that journey on your camel
What the f*ck!
Was your momma eating the loony?
Mocha ain’t the key to collating
I’ll suck your knee, Matt. Ooh, she-cat! Like her alchemy?
Nein!
White tushy manga marker, you made me better
Come on, come on, cut novels at bedtime
At your Islamic temple, Eid, then get married
You’ve got to keep those, keep those combos Naruto
The same, the same, but why can’t I date him?
God that sh*t keeps going, those Twilights
“Hello? Can we get out now? We’re wearing stilettos.”
B-52s hair?
Why does she nag her, nag her? You made me taters
Nanka! Nanka! Normal set haters
Are you my long left demo? He begets nahin
He took a key to Quito: Domino Ludo
To tame the, tame the wild pair of tay-tays
Burn that sh*t. Quit talking those…
Twilights
Paper!
Rock!
Six hours later…
A graphic reminder that biker gloves are about as “hardcore” as tattoos these days.
“Are… are we done? Is it over?”

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YouTube Captioning: Jungle Girl: Chapter 1, Death by Voodoo!

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kppat7eUAmE

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Hey Edgar, if you’re just phoning it in these days, could you add some more tits? Thanks.
Starring

NOT ENTIRELY JOAN CRAWFORD

Starring

PUFF McMANMUSCLE

Starring

GOMER PYLE

And Featuring

DICK COCKY and WET STAINES

With

ONIONHEAD KLINGER and the BLACKFACE KID

A

DAVID DUKE

Production

Next Exit

GAS

FOOD

LODGING

Scene 3½
“Then how do we know about them?”
“Better schools,” if you know what I mean. Posh assholes.
“An invisible plane!”
WE – MUST – STOP – WONDER – WOMAN – AT – ALL – COSTS
Speak of the devil…
Not so much scenes as notions.
Tag out.
“…monkey screwing little sh*t.”
Marooned in the jungle with nothing but her wits and a book of Marks & Spencer dress patterns…
“In that python.”
Shouldn’t it have passed over by now?
Relax, they’re just having a tailgate party.
Hands above your waist while running, that’s a good girl.
JUNGLE GIRL!
“Jennifer Connelly too.”
“Mom said it might get cold.”
*thunk*

“Ow!”

It’s been three seconds.
“If you know what I mean.”
This’ll be easy to smooth over.
Eventually…
Days later…
It makes you wonder why he didn’t think of that.
Clearly, this is not southern California…
“How did you get here?”
“I think I know what you mean…”
Scene 17¼
Scene 17.999999999…
“If you know what I mean.”

“That’s my line!”

“If you… *cough*… know what I mean….”
“Well, besides that fiver…”
“Exposed her to fresh air, sunshine, and regular physical activity!”
Why is there a giant ear behind him?
Ice cream!
Well, he’s secured TARP funds.
“Give up? A Hypocritical Oaf. Get it? Oh, I’ve got thousands of them.”
“You just go start the plane…”
“Classic sitcom rules. Good.”
“Stanton’s not the sharpest pecker in the wood, if you… well, you know.”
“Condoms…”
He should get some spackle for that wall back there too.
*click*
“You there! Are you chosen from the bravest men of the tribe?”

“No.”

“See? Lying guards.”

“Step through this awkward edit and I’ll show you.”
Did you get all that? It might be important later in the episode. Does anyone need a pencil?
“That should be enough white rice.”
Anything?
“That shouldn’t cause a problem.”
PUSH IN
PUSH IN
PUSH IN
PUSH IN
PUSH IN
PUSH IN
PUSH IN
PUSH IN
PUSH IN
PUSH IN
PUSH IN
PUSH IN
PUSH IN
PUSH IN
PUSH IN
PUSH IN
PUSH IN
PUSH IN
Of course he does. You’re playing him too, aren’t you?
“…foxtrot.”
“…freely exploitable workforce!”
Edited by a cokehead with his own used razor blades.
( JUNGLE GIRL! )
She’d probably laugh at the notion of a villain named “Bradley.”
“Mercury is in retrograde!”
For what?
Even gunning people down he’s got that hangdog “just finished masturbating” look.
(An even sillier sounding name than “Bradley.”)
“What? Hey, that’s brilliant!”
“I’ll use my milkshake to bring them to the-“

“Don’t put that in my head.”

=0_0=
Man, the original Fitzcarraldo sucked.
JUNGLE GIRL!
At this point we’re editing just to make it end sooner.
“Who?”
“What?”
“How?”
“Where?”
“Why?”
“Who cares?”
“Beat it!”
♬ …you believe in life after love… ♬
They might as well be hiding behind a rack of postcards.
Their bow and arrows must have all jammed.
.oO(My friggin’ hero)
ANTICIPATE
FOLLOW THROUGH
If you liked the daring stunts in ‘West Side Story’…
“She should be cooked through.”
“Well, I was burned to death, but…”
“What? What were you f*cknuts DOING out here!?!”
“To get knackered.”
That we… saw.
(What spear?)Oo.
*BAMF*

“I’m here now!”

Chirpa? The chief of the ewoks?
Ooh. Awkward.
“Prepare to be nimble!”
“How fascinating.”
“My nuts!”
NEXT WEEK
Chapter Two
A NIGHT ON SPLASH MOUNTAIN

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